Dennis Rainey - Rekindling the Romance: Loving the Love of Your Life

Rekindling the
ROMANCE

LOVING THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

DENNIS & BARBARA RAINEY
WITH BOB DEMOSS

To Scott and Theresa

Your friendship and growth in Christ continue
to be a source of great encouragement to both of us.
We love you and your family.

Dennis and Barbara

2004 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

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Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations noted NKJV are taken from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION. 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations noted NASB are from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org.

Cartoons Phil Smouse. All rights reserved. Used with permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Rainey, Dennis, 1948
Rekindling the romance : loving the love of your life / Dennis and Barbara Rainey with Bob DeMoss.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-7852-8556-4 (tp)
ISBN 978-0-7852-0001-7 (hc)
1. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. Intimacy (Psychology)Religious aspects
Christianity. I. Rainey, Barbara. II. DeMoss, Robert G. III. Title.
BV835.R3494 2004
248.8'44dc22

2004014402

Printed in the United States of America

08 09 10 11 12 QW 11 10 9 8 7

CONTENTS

REKINDLING THE ROMANCE
(for Her)

REKINDLING THE ROMANCE
(for Him)

REKINDLING
THE
ROMANCE

Trading Places
(Angelas Perspective)

Friday, 3:30 p.m.

The air was actually cool, but I was steaming. The edges of my ears burned. I felt this sudden urge to jump up and race out of the room. I shook my head as if to tell the voices inside my mind that I wouldnt make such a scene. Instead of answering the question, I turned and stared out the window. The oak tree released several leaves that, like snowflakes, floated to the ground.

For an instant my mind wandered back to the last time my husband, Bryan, and I went on a picnic. I remembered how we spread a red and white-checkered tablecloth under a big old tree and nibbled on grapes, cheese, crackersand each other. We had a sweeping view of the Point; thats the spot where the three rivers come together at the heart of downtown Pittsburgh. Neither of us wore a watch, but Id say we must have lingered for hours just talking and admiring the boats sailing the Allegheny River in the distance.

If you had told me back then that Id be sitting across the room from a marriage counselor today, I would have said, Youre a complete nutcase. We had so much in common. I met Bryan at the University of Pittsburgh. This would have been fourteen years ago. We were both athletic, although to look at him now, youd think he majored in pizza. Bryan played soccer until he blew out a knee his senior year. I was the captain of the volleyball team. We were business majorsthat is, until we started to major in each other. Bryan and I became an item during the last two years of college and got married the summer following our graduation.

I stole a look at my husband and then diverted my eyes. Ill be the first to admit that his thick dark black hair looks as good as the day we first met. He is, after all, an attractive man. To this day, his sea-green eyes sparkle as if he were constantly privy to something funny.

Was it really twelve years ago that we pledged our love to each other? Seems like an eternity has passed between us. What happened? We used to have so much fun together. Not just when we were dating. Im talking about after we were married. For three or four years we did the craziest, most romantic things together.

I guess somewhere along the way we drifted apart. Not all at once. In fact, if you pressed me, I couldnt pinpoint the time when this distance settled on our relationship like a dark cloud. It just did. Maybe we got old. Then again, its not like were that old. At least, I never pictured myself feeling old at thirty-four. But I do. I really do.

Most days I feel old... and trapped. Thats the truth. Sometimes the walls of my daily routine close in on me so tightly, I feel them squeezing out the few embers of life that remain. I get this claustrophobic sensation, and I almost cant breathe. If honest, Id say Im not happy. My life has about as much adventure as a potted houseplant experiences. Ive been going through the motions for years. Day after day I struggle with this emptiness, hoping, longing, and praying it will get better. To keep my sanity, I just focus on trying to be a good mom. I know I need to hold it together for the kids.

Now that we have three under the age of eight, I find myself torn between meeting their endless parade of needs and the demands of my part-time job. I cant think of the last time when I didnt hit the pillow at night completely exhausted, like I had just finished a marathon volleyball tournament. Theres just not enough time in the day to get everything done.

Of course, this doesnt register with Bryan. Hell jump into bed with that frisky look in his eye. What does he think I am? A machine? In moments like that all I want to do is pull the covers over my tired head and become invisible. Cant he see Im beat? Doesnt he have a clue what Im going through? Whats with men and their endless need for sex anyway? Why cant he grow up? We made love last weekor was it last month? As usual, he appeared to get more out of it than I did.

Maybe if he tried a little harder at building some anticipation, you know? Bryan used to be Mr. Affection. Hed shower me like a spring rain with his tender words. His life-giving attention opened me up like a bouquet of fresh roses. Nowadays, a peck on the cheek and maybe a pat on my bottom in the kitchen are his idea of romancing me.

Frankly I feel like a lion tamer, cracking the whip to keep him at bay. I hate that about us. I used to have deep feelings for him. There was a time when I even looked forward to our time in bed. But over the last couple of years, I almost always turn him away, or I just go through the motions.

Dont get me wrong. Im not a whiner by nature. We live in a decent house. Nothing spectacular, mind you. But Ive got it fixed up the way I like it. Bryan has a good job. Were all healthy. That counts for something. And I know I should be thankful for these things.

Still, there has to be more.

What I wouldnt give to feel special again. To know that Bryan cares for me as much as he cares for what I call the three