Tara Roth Madden - Romance on the Run

About the Author

Tara Roth Madden has a B.A. in Journalism and a Masters in Business. Her first book, Romance on the Run: Five Minutes of Quality Sex for Busy Couples, was written in 1985. Women vs. Women: The Uncivil Business War, established Madden as an expert on the subject of social behavior of women in the work place. She has been interviewed on the subject on various talk shows, including Oprah, and continues to lecture on the topic. Madden is currently a freelance journalist and a yoga instructor. She lives in California with her husband Ned.

All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

Copyright 1995 by Tara Roth Madden

ISBN: 978-1-4976-3124-3

This edition published in 2014 by Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.
345 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014
www.openroadmedia.com

To my husband Ned, who's always there for me
whether it's for 5 minutes or a lifetime!

Acknowledgments

Thanks to all the women who bared their souls about how and when they bared their bodies.

My appreciation to Richard Curtis, who canand doesguide ideas into becoming reality, and to Leslie Curtis, who instilled the word "quality" into our '90s concept of romance.

Thanks to the San Clemente branch of the Orange County Public Library, whose downed computer request system kept me from the temptation of recreational reading for my three months on deadline. And also for their always helpful research input.

Bouquets to my talented Kensington editors Beth Lieberman and Paul Dinas. They made concentrated effort as pleasant as possible.

And to my friends and family who constantly offer lessons on why we're interacting in this lifetime. Especially the youngest generation including Nick, Carey, Erica, Kerry, Blake, Timmy, Trisha, Rachel, Jenny, Christy, Matthew, Zack, Sean and Aaron.

Introduction

Why am I writing a book to tell married womenand those in long-termrelationshipsthat you can have a great sex life with a minimum use of time and energy? Andwhy do I feel that it's my mission to help liberate wives from putting your sex lives on "hold"until you can "do it right?"

Well, it's not because I'm an expert on sex. But I have studied the subject in manybooks, and in numerous beds. I have learned through experience, both as a monogamous live-in and asa loving wife, that spontaneous sex protects bonded couples.

But couples do change. Heck, to be honest, sex changes. I'm sure, in your heart ofhearts, you already know that.

Even for couples with no major problems, it takes ongoing attentionin themidst of all else that's going on in our livesto keep intimately involved. Otherwise lovewithers. It's like a plant that's left untended, only to be doused with gallons of water once amonth. That's a sure way to kill a plant. Or a love affair.

In the normal course of a day, we hardly notice the one interaction that doesn'thappen. If a child doesn't paint a picture, if our favorite restaurant cancels its early-birddinner, or if a call we've made goes unreturned, we generally think, ah well, maybe later. And we goon to other things.

In the same way, neglect can creep unnoticed into our sex patterns. We don't noticethe day-to-day changes. After all, we know that we love our mates. Isn't that enough? No, itisn't.

We need to closely monitor our marriages and protect them from potentially lethaldoses of indifference. Marriages as good as ours are too important to shoot down. Or to ignore fordays.

Romance on the Run is an easy way to focus on your partner. It is what helped to keepmy husband and me close and happily "in lust" for more than fifteen years.

Both quality and quantity sex are important. They're twins. Separate, butalways equal in value. That's why Five Minutes of Quality Sex for Busy Couples makes being togetherfun. Even when other things in life go wrong, short spurts of marital intimacy help tip the scaletoward the positive.

When some of our friends have split up over the years, they gave a variety ofreasons. He was lazy. She was sloppy. He had a roving eye. She was bossy. He lied. She let herselfgo.

But if couples were sexually in tuneand it was easy to tell, because there wasalways a hug here and a private smile thereproblems boomeranged and came back as virtues. Hewas relaxed. She was casual. He looked but never touched. She was assertive.

When we see couples on TV, we have a godlike view. We can see the entire picture atonce. "Right" and "wrong" are easy to identify in the make-believe world.

TV is life in living color. There's a handsome Mr. Tux admiring his beautifullygowned wife in the reflection of a vanity mirror. He bends to kiss her. She abruptly turns her faceaway from him as she finishes applying her lip gloss.

She pushes him away, saying, "No way. We're late to dinner at the Joneses' you'll mess up my makeup." Wow, we may think, she's cold making a mistake he's sosweet she must not love him.

We can see that he's a caring guy. He looks hurt by her sharp tone. It's so clear.She's neglecting her Tux Man. We can't help but conclude that there's trouble ahead for thiscouple.

But in your own dressing area, when you're already twenty minutes late and hurryingto get ready, it's another story.

Your Mr. Tux is clearly overwhelmed by seeing you out of sweats and wearing an actualdress and heels. And even though he knows what time you're due at the Joneses' he makes hismove.

Having sex right then is not doable. So instead of saying "Honey, you're the sexiesthunk ever. Wait till we get home, and I'll kiss your socks off," we usually casually say, "Backoff."

Our story, though, unlike the one on TV, doesn't end with this episode. In real life,there's no script that guarantees a happy ending after the last commercial. It's open-ended.

Up close, we (especially females) tend to ignore how often we allow problems, and thelack of time, to push away passion.

We assume that because our reasons for skipping sex are not only to pleaseourselvesbut to suit children, parents, or even job deadlinesthey deserve a "toppriority'' tag. Not necessarily. In some lives "emergencies" become the norm. They run the show.

Primarily, Romance on the Run speaks to women. Because men already know that manykinds of sex make up their "happy bag." Men easily include "quickies" in their good-time stash.

Women know that quick sex can be fun sex, too. But our culture has taught wives toconsider, "Hey, doesn't he think I'm worth more of his time than that?"

Sometimes we think we should feel "cheated" if sex picks up speed as it goes. So wesay no. Even when we wouldn't mind some.

Men already think that the only bad sex between consenting adults is no sex. Theyhave less trouble than we do in justifying a sex romp in the midst of chaos.

My own husband, for example, was always willing to take timeday, night, inbed, or swinging from the chandelierto have sex. Until after the honeymoon period, he set thepace.

Five minutes of sex was terrific. Five hours was also terrific. We agreed. We weretotally compatible.

After our extended honeymoon pace, I became the holdout. I wanted to be wooed andwon. Like when we met. So that's what we did for a while.