André Shinabarger - Love or Work: Is It Possible to Change the World, Stay in Love, and Raise a Healthy Family?

It is possible to love your spouse, your kids, and your work. I know because I have somehow managed to pull it off. But I can tell you it doesnt happen accidentally. It is definitely intentional. My wonderful wife and I picked the brains of everyone we admired for their relationships.

Andr and Jeff have done the same thing in creating this book. In fact, they are kind of obsessed about it. Whether over dinners or during podcasts, they have examined the lives of couples who love each other and what they do. Their research is thoughtful, thorough, and often humorously candid. But most of all, it is extremely valuable.

Loving your family and your work results in a rich, rewarding life, and who doesnt want that? This book can set you on that path. Enjoy!

JEFF FOXWORTHY, comedian

There is so much we could say about these two, but I think letting you know up front that theyre the friends you never realized you were missing is a good start. Andr and Jeff are two of the most grounded, intelligent, authentic, and hopeful people we know. Rarely does the world get to see a duo like this, who explicitly live out their valuesin their partnership, parenting, and careers. We are a better couple simply for knowing and loving them.

JULIET AND KYLE KORVER, artist and NBA All-Star

In Love or Work, Andr and Jeff Shinabarger provide helpful and hopeful language for many of the questions and challenges we face as we navigate relationships and life as a whole. It is a field guide providing practical insight, lined with grace, giving the reader tools to journey onward into deeper connection at a mindful and intentional pace.

MORGAN HARPER NICHOLS, artist and poet

This book addresses a tension that everyone feels but not many people talk about. Its given us language to be more intentional about what kind of life we are creating and why. This should be required reading for adults.

ANDY AND CRISTINA MINEO, hip-hop artist and entrepreneur

Combining purpose and family is a never-ending tension. This book is a must-read for the journey.

SCOTT HARRISON, New York Times bestselling author of Thirst

As a couple who started two businesses within our first year of marriage, we truly resonate with this book. Jeff and Andr have done the hard work for you, compiling wisdom thats priceless for learning how to balance love and work and everything in between. With unique interactive elements to create dialogue with your partner, this is a must-read for any couple wanting to build a legacy that lasts.

SARAH DUBBELDAM, founder and CEO of Darling Media

STEVE DUBBELDAM, founder and CEO of Wilderness Collective

As an ambitious entrepreneur, Ive long feared that I couldnt cultivate a loving partnership, raise an amazing family, and create the business of my dreams. Love or Work shows you that you dont have to choose. It is possibleand its within reach.

AMBER RAE, bestselling author of Choose Wonder Over Worry

Were (thankfully) entering into a new moment in culture where the belief that our roles in marriage have less to do with a centuries-old script based on our gender alone and more to do with who we are uniquely made to be (our gifts, passion, and vision) and how those things intersect (or, lets be honest, occasionally conflict) with our forever partner. While this brave new world has many merits, it also comes with a new set of challenges. And this book is the road map we need. Andr and Jeff have given us an incredible gift: the (sometimes painfully) honest truth of their own story married with insights on broad cultural trends and the stories of other couples navigating modern love and work. All of it is lighting the way, inspiring and challenging us to do the hard and life-giving work of building lives of deep purpose and committed, forever love. Andr and Jeff are bolstering our belief that it is indeed possible to love and work and most importantly reminding us that we are not alone as we fumble and flail a bit along the way.

LIZ FORKIN BOHANNON, cofounder of Sseko Designs, author of Beginners Pluck

ZONDERVAN THRIVE

Love or Work

Copyright 2020 by Jeff Shinabarger and Andr Shinabarger

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr. SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

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ISBN 978-0-310-35830-5 (hardcover)

ISBN 978-0-310-35832-9 (audio)

ISBN 978-0-310-35831-2 (ebook)

Epub Edition June 2020 9780310358312

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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

The authors are represented by The Christopher Ferebee Agency, www.christopherferebee.com.

Zondervan Thrive, an imprint of Zondervan, publishes books that empower readers with insightful, expert-driven ideas for a life of thriving in todays world.

Cover design: Tim Green / Faceout Studio

Cover type illustrations: Michaella Till, Yellow Bird Visuals

Author photo: Mary Claire Stewart

Interior design: Denise Froehlich

Interior designed quotes: Alexandra Nelson, @alimakesthings

Printed in the United States of America

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To Jada and Neko

May the words in this book

be the story of our family

and your future families.

We love you.

Contents

In 2016 I was stressed out. I was writing and recording an album, navigating the chaos of young childrenfour, seven, and eight years oldand wondering why my marriage was suffering. Our date nights were full of silence, unless we were processing how to deal with our children. Our connectionless convos were interrupted by emails and texts I felt obligated to respond to. I remember sitting across from my wife, realizing we were at this restaurant out of sheer obligation. This is what good married couples do. They go on dates. Arent dates supposed to be about connecting? We definitely were not doing that. It would take some time before we hit rock bottom and made intentional strides toward restoration. I thought I could balance it all. I thought if I just stayed up a little later, woke up a little earlier, and worked a little harder, Id arrive at perfect peace and harmony.

Many people spend great portions of their lives searching for balance. This great treasure sought after from generation to generation always appears attainable, yet it seems no one has unearthed it. At the bottom of my emails, my signature is Busyness and productivity are not the same. I write that as a reminder to myself. I am a husband, father of three, touring musician, author, film producer, actor, and entrepreneur. Im always busy. But am I always productive? I had a burning desire to trade the juggling act for balance. But I never found it. What I did find in the process was something incredibly beautiful. I found healthy tension.