Judith Viorst - Suddenly Sixty And Other Shocks Of Later Life

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ALSO BY JUDITH VIORST P OEMS The Village Square Its Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty and Other Tragedies of Married Life People and Other Aggravations How Did I Get to Be Forty and Other Atrocities If I Were in Charge of the World and Other Worries When Did I Stop Being Twenty and Other Injustices Forever Fifty and Other Negotiations Sad Underwear and Other Complications Im Too Young to Be Seventy and Other Delusions Unexpectedly Eighty and Other Adaptations Wait for Me and Other Poems About the Irritations and Consolations of a Long Marriage C HILDRENS B OOKS Sunday Morning Ill Fix Anthony Try It Again, Sam The Tenth Good Thing About Barney Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day My Mama Says There Arent Any Zombies, Ghosts, Vampires, Creatures, Demons, Monsters, Fiends, Goblins, or Things Rosie and Michael Alexander, Who Used to Be Rich Last Sunday The Good-bye Book Earrings! The Alphabet From Z to A (With Much Confusion on the Way) Alexander, Whos Not (Do You Hear Me? I Mean It!) Going to Move Absolutely Positively Alexander Super-Completely and Totally the Messiest Just in Case Nobody Here but Me Lulu and the Brontosaurus Lulu Walks the Dogs Lulus Mysterious Mission Alexander, Whos Trying His Best to Be the Best Boy Ever And Two Boys Booed What Are You Glad About? What Are You Mad About? Lulu Is Getting a Sister (Who Wants Her? Who Needs Her?) O THER Yes, Married A Visit from St. Nicholas (To a Liberated Household) Love & Guilt & the Meaning of Life, Etc. Necessary Losses Murdering Mr. Monti Imperfect Control Youre Officially a Grown-Up Grown-Up Marriage Alexander and the Wonderful, Marvelous, Excellent, Terrific Ninety Days

SIMON & SCHUSTER 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10020 www.SimonandSchuster.com This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Text copyright 2000 by Judith Viorst Illustrations copyright 2000 by Laurie Rosenwald All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Simon & Schuster Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020. SIMON & SCHUSTER and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster Inc. For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or . The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

Interior design by Karolina Harris Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Viorst, Judith. Suddenly sixty and other shocks of later life / Judith Viorst; illustrated by Laurie Rosenwald. p.cm. 1. Humorous poetry, American. 2.

AgingPoetry. 3. WomenPoetry. I. Title: Suddenly 60 and other shocks of later life. Title. Title.

PS3572.I6 S8 2000 811'.54dc21 00-033847 ISBN 978-0-684-86763-2 ISBN 978-0-7432-1216-8 (ebook) For Jan Jaffe Kahn and Linda Ehren Keninger

I nside my shoes and my panty hose Ive painted blue nail polish on my toes, A skirmish in the war that I wage Against the constraints of my current age. Despite the advent of Medicare, I will still buy bikini underwear And scorn the notion that seniorhood Means its too late to be up to no good. I would if I could. Dont give me extra time to walk down the jetway. And please dont get up and give me your seat on the bus. Id rather be engage than Emeritus, Though its harder to be frisky over sixty.

Im not prepared to sign up for Elderhostel. Retirement communities? Save your brochures. Ill keep right on trucking as long as my strength endures, Though its harder to be frisky over sixty. Im standing firm against the Early Bird Special. Im out on the dance floor strutting whats left of my stuff. Id rather say never say die than enough is enough, Though its harder to be frisky over sixty.

I dont intend to stop showing a little cleavage. Nor do I intend to stop flashing a little thigh. Im still not too old to give it the old college try, Though its harder to keep trying, And its harder to keep trucking, And its harder to be frisky over sixty.

T hey laugh together. Read together. Dance together.

Paint together. Listen to music together. Walk, holding hands, together. They love exchanging Warm Wet Mushy Kisses. He rushes to greet her, His arms outstretched, Joyfully calling her name, When he sees her arrive. Who, you are wondering, Is this blissful couple? She is his grandma.

He is almost five.

A s for arthritis. Bs for bad back. C is for chest pains. Corned beef? Cardiac? D is for dental decay and decline. E is for eyesightcant read that top line.

F is for fissures and fluid retention. G is for gas (which Id rather not mention) And other such gastrointestinal glitches. H is high blood pressure. I is for itches. J is for joints that are failing to flex. (Ive got a few gaps in my Mmemory.) Ns for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis. (Ive got a few gaps in my Mmemory.) Ns for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis.

O is for osteo-. Ps for -porosis. Q is for queasiness. Fatal? Just flu? R is for refluxone meal becomes two. S is for sleepless nights counting my fears. T is for tinnitusbells in my ears.

U is for difficulties urinary. V is for vertigo. Ws worry About what the Xas in X raywill find. But though the word terminal rushes to mind, Im proud, as each Yyeargoes by, to reveal A reservoir of undiminished Zzeal For checking the symptoms my bodys deployed, And keeping my twenty-six doctors employed.

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