Judith Viorst - When Did I Stop Being Twenty and Other Injustices

ALSO BY JUDITH VIORST POEMS The Village Square Its Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty and Other Tragedies of Married Life People and Other Aggravations How Did I Get to Be Forty and Other Atrocities If I Were in Charge of the World and Other Worries Forever Fifty and Other Negotiations Sad Underwear and Other Complications Suddenly Sixty and Other Shocks of Later Life Im Too Young to Be Seventy and Other Delusions CHILDRENS BOOKS Sunday Morning Ill Fix Anthony Try It Again, Sam The Tenth Good Thing About Barney Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day My Mama Says There Arent Any Zombies, Ghosts, Vampires, Creatures, Demons, Monsters, Fiends, Goblins, or Things Rosie and Michael Alexander, Who Used to Be Rich Last Sunday The Good-bye Book Earrings! The Alphabet From Z to A (With Much Confusion on the Way) Alexander, Whos Not (Do You Hear Me? I Mean It!) Going to Move Absolutely Positively Alexander Super-Completely and Totally the Messiest Just in Case OTHER Yes, Married A Visit From St. Nicholas (To a Liberated Household) Love & Guilt & the Meaning of Life, Etc. Necessary Losses Murdering Mr. Monti Imperfect Control Youre Officially a Grown-Up Grown-Up Marriage Alexander and the Wonderful, Marvelous, Excellent, Terrific Ninety Days

Simon & Schuster 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10020 www.SimonandSchuster.com Copyright 1987 by Judith Viorst Illustrations copyright 1987 by John Alcorn Originally published in 1987 as When Did I Stop Being Twenty and Other Injustices by Simon & Schuster All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Simon & Schuster Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020 This Simon & Schuster hardcover edition April 2019 SIMON & SCHUSTER and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc. For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or .

Designed by John Alcorn Jacket Design by Jennifer Law Jacket Illustrations by Laura Gibson The Library of Congress has cataloged the original hardcover edition as follows: Viorst, Judith. When did I stop being twenty and other injustices. I. Title. PS3572.I6W5 1987 811'.54 87-12778 ISBN 0-671-64328-2 Greatful acknowledgment is made for permission to reprint the following: Poems from How Did I Get to Be 40 and Other Atrocities by Judith Viorst, copyright 1973, 1974, 1976 by Judith Viorst. By permission of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Poems from People and Other Aggravations by Judith Viorst, copyright 1969, 1970, 1971, by Judith Viorst. Poems from Its Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty and Other Tragedies of Married Life by Judith Viorst, copyright 1968 by Judith Viorst. Poems from The Village Square by Judith Viorst, copyright 1965, 1966 by Judith Viorst. ISBN 978-1-9821-2252-2 ISBN 978-1-4391-4203-5 (ebook)

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TO THE WOMEN WHO HAVE WALKED WITH ME THROUGH GREENWICH VILLAGE. WASHINGTON AND LIFE Hanna Altman Sunny Aurelio Jean Boudin Ruth Caplin Kitty Gillman Liz Hersh Phyllis Hersh Ellie Horwitz Silvia Koner Leslie Oberdorfer Sally Pitofsky Shay Rieger Barbara Rosenfeld Lee Schorr Judy Tolmach Silber

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So I told my parents: No I do not believe in free love. And yes I will be home for Sunday dinners.

And no I do not approve of marijuana. And yes I will still take showers daily. And no I will not turn out like my cousin Ethel. (I think she is living with a married man in Tulsa.) And yes I will get a police lock. And eat a good breakfast every morning. And only talk to men I am introduced to.

So they said: If I must be independent And make it hard for them to sleep nights. I might as well do it in Greenwich Village. Which at least isnt far from Irvington, New Jersey.

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Fifth-floor floor-through, no elevator. Rear garden with fountain, no access. Good-looking landlord, four children.

But: The fireplace works. Norman Mailer once attended a party on the second floor. And Sheridan Square is just two blocks away. Which is why I decided that: It is not hard to wash dishes in a tub. Roaches can be fun. Falling plaster lends a certain charm.

And two hundred and ten dollars a month Is a worthwhile investment for: three beards one dancer one actress working as a waitress one painter one copywriter gathering material for a caustic denunciation of Madison Avenue one dentist taking philosophy courses at the New School and one insurance salesman (maybe hell move).

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With all I know about Mr. D. H. Lawrence, I visualized something literary. Something full of pipe smoke and good English tweeds.

Where editors were stunned by my perception. And grateful novelists put me in their books. And Nobel prize winners, over double martinis. Confided their deepest Nobel prize-winning thoughts To tender, reflective, wise-beyond-my-years me. With all I know about Mr. Stanislavsky, I visualized something theatrical.

Something full of false lashes and empathy. Where directors were stunned by my perception. And grateful playwrights put me in their plays. And leading ladies, over double martinis. Said tearfully if only they had half the talent Of stirring, memorable, charismatic me. Instead of which I am sharpening number two pencils, And buying the coffee and Danish At 9:45, And taking my bosss dictation, And my bosss wifes blouse back to Henri Bendel.

Hoping that someday someone will be impressed With all I know.

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In the Village Boys can go with boys. And girls with girls. Different colored people With different religions Can go together. Tall women can go With short Masters Degrees In Greek literature. Suave old men With two or three divorces Can go with teenagers.

Curvy blondes With empty heads Can go with well-known thinkers. There are no mothers around complaining that this isnt a good match. There are no fathers walking back and forth saying is this why I sent you to Goucher. There are no Aunt Eleanors calling up your parents to warn them before its too late. It is lovely to live in a place where The only time folks think youre strange Is if you go with an orthopedic surgeon.

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