Chris Kornelis - Rocking Fatherhood: The Dad-to-Bes Guide to Staying Cool

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Copyright 2016 by Chris Kornelis

Illustrations by Aaron Bagley

Some portions of this book originally appeard in Seattle Weekly and on SeattleWeekly.com and TheAtlantic.com.

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First Da Capo Press edition 2016

ISBN: 978-0-7382-1878-6 (e-book)

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For Betsy Kornelis and Laura Kornelis

Dedicated mothers, patient wives

Table of Contents

Contents

by Duff McKagan

When it comes to pregnancy and rearing children, we men have been left to figure things out on our own. Theres little in the way of how-to books for us. All of the attention goes to the woman for nine months while shes pregnant and giving birth, and then thats just sort of that.

We were once boys, and then young menwild and free, we perhaps saved a little space in the brain for the what if? of one day having children. And then, all of a sudden for us future dads, reality sets in. Our significant other is pregnant and we all hurriedly do our homework, cram for the test, and try to grapple with what the hell is coming next. How does a guy change a diaper?! is only one of the millions of thoughts that go through our heads.

I remember reading What To Expect When Youre Expecting when my wife was pregnant with our first daughter. I also remember being, frankly, quite freaked-the-fuck out. There didnt seem to be a lot of good information out there specifically for me, the expectant dad. Would I be a good father? What does being a good dad mean? My wife is glaring at me like she wants to stab me in the neck, and I didnt do anything differently today to warrant that look! Could I provide for this growing family? Are we living in the right neighborhood? Will my car get us home from the hospital without, I dunno, something freakish like the axle splitting in two? All of these thoughts and many more, I was left to figure out.

My relationship with Chris Kornelis goes back to before he and Betsy had their first child, Thomas. Chris was my editor at Seattle Weekly, and we became good friends throughout our five years of working together. He would call me when Betsy was pregnant and ask me a ton of questions. I did my best to guide him through the things I knew about and had experience with, and I could tell that he was dealing with many of the same questions and doubts that I had as an expectant father.

At some point during our many talks about being dads, Chris simply stated that it was about time there was a book for usexpectant fathers. I heartily agreed, and lo and behold, he wrote that damn book!

Well researched and written with a funny wit during Betsys second pregnancy, Mr. Korneliss book cuts straight to the real stuff that we fellas need to know. I truly believe Chris Kornelis has written a book for the ages, one thats extremely readable and undeniably funny. At last, future fathers, you have a tome of your own.

Duff McKagan is the author of How to Be a Man: (and other illusions), and a cofounder of Guns N Roses

Im going to make an admission here that might not only embarrass my family, but also confirm your suspicion that I have no business writing a book about pregnancy, fatherhood, or any other subject that requires critical thinking and study. But Im going to make this admission for a couple reasons: the first is that asking stupid questions as an antidote to ignorance is a sign of next-level parenting. It doesnt take any credentials to become a parent. Any game couple with a bottle of cheap whiskey and spare time qualifies. But its a sign of sophistication and self-confidence to ask for help. Dont feel bad when you have to raise your hand. Pat yourself on the back. Buy yourself a drink. Tweet that shit.

The second reason is that I feel better when I profess my ignorance. I come from a profession in which publicly rectifying ones ignorance is seen as a sign of weakness. I learned this when I was fifteen, during my first job in the music industry.

I spent two years in the late nineties working at Poulsbo Music, a store that sold guitars, LPs, and clarinet reeds. This was during the time Sean Combs was going by the handle Puff Daddy, and I vividly remember asking the shop owners son to tell me which part of Come With Me was cribbed from Led Zeppelins Kashmir: the music or the lyrics. He responded by asking me what kind of musical moron his father had hired to sweep the floors.

As I progressed in the industry, and found my way to music journalism, Ive kept that moment close. I can count on one hand the number of times Ive asked, Who are we listening to? Im petrified that the answer will be: Led Zeppelin! What kind of musical moron are you? Every music writer feels this way. We wont all admit it. But were all self-conscious to a fault.

So, here we go, Im going to make my confession: until about seven or eight weeks ago, I didnt know what torticollis was. Please be merciful and hold your scorn. Im sure you know what it is, but for those of you who dontno, its not on