Denise Bossarte - Thriving After Sexual Abuse: Break Your Bondage to the Past and Live a Life You Love

Denise Bossarte

THRIVING AFTER SEXUAL ABUSE

Break Your Bondage to the Past and Live a Life You Love

First published by Passion for Life Press 2021

Copyright 2021 by Denise Bossarte

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

Denise Bossarte has no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy of URLs for external or third-party Internet Websites referred to in this publication and does not guarantee that any content on such Websites is, or will remain, accurate or appropriate.

Trigger Warning: This book includes material around topics of childhood sexual abuse, suicidal ideation, and eating disorders. I acknowledge that this content may be difficult. I also encourage you to care for your safety and well-being.

Cover design by Zelena CoverBookDesigns

Editing by Candace Johnson, Change It Up Editing

Questions for Chapter 1 Individual Therapy are based on information from the following:

American Psychological Association www.apa.org,

American Counseling Association www.counseling.org,

Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) aamft.org, and

WINGS foundation www.wingsfound.org.

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/choose-therapist.aspx

https://www.wingsfound.org/find-the-right-therapist

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA) http://www.ascasupport.org/_downloads/TherapistSearchResourceGuide.pdf

First edition

ISBN: 9781737016021

This book was professionally typeset on Reedsy
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To my husband

Who always saw the real me,

no matter how deep I tried to hide her.

To Peggy

No matter what life threw at you,

you always met it with grace, compassion and authenticity.

You are an inspiration.

By Beverly Engel

Beverly Engel, LMFT is considered one of the worlds leading experts on abuse recovery, and is the author of23 self-help books, including It Wasnt Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion.

CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE (CSA) is one of the most traumatic and damaging experiences anyone can suffer. It can devastate the mind, body, and spirit. CSA influences and even forms the personality of its victims as well as their ability to protect themselves from further sexual violations.

As much as victims of childhood abuse try to forget what happened to them, the memory and the effects of the abuse can remainrobbing them of their self-confidence, their self-esteem and their sense of safety. Furthermore, the trauma can make it difficult for former victims to believe they deserve to be protected and respected and this sets them up for revictimization. This is because it creates great shame in its victims, causing them to feel worthless, dirty, unacceptable, and even unlovable.

Recovering from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse, although certainly possible, can be a long and arduous journey. And it can be a lonely one. Many former victims feel they have no one to reach out to for help, no one to tell their secret to, no one to validate their feelings and their experience. Those who can afford therapy and feel brave enough to reach out for help often dont know where to turn, and many hesitate because they dont know how to find a good therapist, one who is educated and experienced in trauma, one who is also caring and compassionate. Thriving After Sexual Abuse offers important information about how therapy works and suggests the right questions to ask potential therapists.

Whether you are in therapy or not, Denise will help you navigate this difficult journey. She opens her heart to her readers in order to not only share her own abuse experiences but to light the way for the travelers who come after her. She guides readers around obstacles on the path and lights the way to alternative paths that are safer and more likely to help former victims reach their destination.

Denise speaks directly to her readers, which is both engaging and soothing. Her compassionate voice throughout encourages readers to continue the process of healing even when it gets the toughest. She continues to reveal her own experiences throughout the book, sharing those practices, such as the benefits of exercise, yoga, meditation, and creative expression that were most beneficial to her. She moves on to offer strategies that can help readers deal with everything from how to handle triggers and body memories to who to tell and how to confront the perpetrator. She also addresses the controversial issue of forgiveness.

Denise ends the book by sharing her own inspirational poemsthus revealing still more of her own journey and modeling a way for readers to express their own feelings related to their recovery. The poems are both impactful and inspirational, offering readers a ray of hope in the midst of darkness.

I recommend this book to anyone who was sexually abused as a child or adolescent, whether you are female or male, whether you are currently in therapy or contemplating looking for a therapist. The book is particularly beneficial for those who are just beginning their healing journey as it offers nearly everything one needs to know about the process of recovery. This book is a gift to anyone healing from the devastation of child sexual abuse. Not only will it help you feel less alone, but her advice will steer you in the right direction, saving you not only time but unnecessary confusion and pain.

There are victims of childhood sexual abuse in families and academic authorities on childhood sexual abuse in families. The novelist and poet Denise Bossarte, who was molested by her grandfather, bridges the gap in this stunning book and lays claim to her right to be an authority.

Susan Brownmiller, author of Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape.

Thriving vividly captures the confusing impact of incest on a developing girl and achieves a needed goal for a book about incestshe takes the shame out. Through her candid account of what she endured and her sharing of the concrete steps she took in the aftermath, Bossarte reveals how she came to understand herself and the world, giving the reader both guidance and permission to do the same. Highly recommended.

Patricia A. OGorman, PhD, psychologist, speaker, and author of Healing Trauma Through Self-Parenting, The 12 Steps to Self-Parenting for Adult Children, and The Resilient Woman.

This book is an impressive addition to the self-help literature, especially for those who have suffered incestuous abuse, with all its additional complications. Denise Bossarte is forthright in describing her abuse at the hands of her grandfather and especially its negative consequences on her identity, sense of self, and ability to trust others. The focus of the book is on how she reversed the trajectory of her life and learned to thrive. She offers a wide variety of methods and resources to encourage and assist others, interspersed with sage comments and advice. Her poetry is especially poignant and inspirational. Brava!

Christine A. Courtois, PhD, ABPP consultant/trainer, trauma psychology and trauma treatment, and author of Healing the Incest Wound: Adult Survivors in Therapy, and Its Not You, Its What Happened to You: Complex Trauma and Treatment