David Neville - Promoting Positive Parenting of Teenagers

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PROMOTING POSITIVE PARENTING OF TEENAGERS

Promoting Positive Parenting of Teenagers

David Neville
Liz King
Dick Beak

First published 1998

by Ashgate Publishing

Published 2016

by Routledge
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN
711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017, USA

Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business

Copyright David Neville, Liz King and Dick Beak 1998

David Neville, Liz King and Dick Beak have asserted their rights under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.

Notice:
Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
Neville, David, 1949
Promoting positive parenting of teenagers
1. Parenting 2. Parent and teenager 3. Parenting
Psychological aspects
I. Title II. King, Liz III. Beak, Dick
306.8'74

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Neville, David.
Promoting positive parenting of teenagers / David Neville, Liz
King, and Dick Beak.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-85742-417-I (pbk)
1. Parenting-Study and teaching. 2. Problem children-Behavior
modification-Study and teaching. 3. Parents-Social networks. 4. Family
psychotherapy. 5. Group work in education. I. King, Liz. II. Beak, Dick. III.
Title.
HQ755.7.N48 1998
649'.153'07dc21 98-19796
CIP

Typest in Palatino by Bournemouth Colour Press, Parkstone

ISBN 13:978-1-85742-417-1 (pbk)

Dedication

This book is dedicated to Dick Beak, Co-founder of the Centre, who sadly died between its writing and final production. The staff of the Centre for Fun and Families would like to pay tribute to his memory and to record their enormous debt of gratitude for the massive contribution he made to the formation, development and growth of the Centre.

To work with Dick was a rare privilege and immense pleasure. He was our inspiration, our mentor and, equally important, he always made us smile. Through his work he helped us to believe in the ideals that were his. He strove to help parents in distress build better relationships with their children. He wanted to form a voluntary organisation that was a true cooperative, without hierarchy or bureaucracy. He aimed to form supportive working relationships with colleagues, students and other professional staff. Most importantly he believed that work could be fun. It was he who put the 'fun' into Fun and Families!

The staff of the Centre see it as their commitment and aim to ensure that the work he started and that brought him great respect and commendation should continue to flourish and grow.

We shall miss him greatly.

Liz King, Rita Naag and David Neville

Contents

Tom Butler , Bishop of Leicester

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world and everybody is willing to criticize you, including your own teenagers. Bringing up teenagers requires amazing patience, tact and the ability to love the unwashed, untidy, uncommunicative and at times the unlovable! However, if you feel you are working with parents who are out of their depth or feel it is all too much, help is at hand. This book, written by the staff of the Centre for Fun and Families, a national voluntary organisation, is about a groupwork programme that has been developed to assist parents who are experiencing behaviour and communication difficulties with their teenagers.

From seven years of experience of running courses for parents, the Centre staff have found that the sorts of behaviours that parents of teenagers are often trying to cope with include violence, swearing, defiance, school refusal, sulking or eating difficulties. However, parents who attend the courses are pleased to find that behaviour difficulties can be reduced by an average of 50% by attending the seven-week course. Most importantly, parents find that the quality of their relationship with their teenagers improves and communication and mutual respect increase as a result.

In addition most parents feel much less anxious because they are able to discover they are not the only ones dealing with these problems. They find that they are the real experts on their own teenagers, and that sharing the task of parenting together in a group enables them to discover which of their own solutions work best. Parents meeting together generate tremendous enthusiasm and support which help them achieve very satisfying results. An additional bonus is that those who attend the groups even enjoy them and find them to be fun!

This book has been written as a practice guide for professional staff who work with young people and their families and who want to run groups to assist parents with the hardest but most rewarding job of all - being a positive parent! There has been a great deal of attention amongst politicians and the media in recent years on the subject of parenting. One could be forgiven for thinking that most of the ills of society have their origins in deficiencies in the upbringing of children. Whether this is the case or not this book has a major contribution to make in giving professional staff the means to assist parents who feel they would like a helping hand to make their children's teenage years a positive experience. The book offers a way of working that is tried, tested and carefully evaluated and is relevant to people of all races, cultures and religions. In addition the programme is described in considerable detail and its theoretical and practical bases are rigorously explained.

I welcome this book because it offers a programme that any professional worker can confidently make a start on tomorrow. In doing so staff working with teenagers and their families can make the best possible investment in the future of our society by working to improve the quality of relationships within families.

The co-editors would like to thank the following people who have contributed to the development, of the 'Living with Teenagers' programme, the work of the Centre and have therefore made this book possible:

• All the professional workers from a variety of agencies with whom we have run groups, for their enthusiasm and support.
• All the social work students who have been on placement at the Centre (40 at the time of writing), and have contributed so much in terms of new ideas and developments.
• All the members of our governing body who have supported us through their encouragement and fund-raising.
• Our Patrons, Sue Townsend, the Right Reverend Tom Butler and Mr and Mrs Vaz for their support.
• Professor Martin Herbert, our Honorary Consultant, whose pioneering and prodigious writing on the subject of behavioural social work and teenagers has been an invaluable guide and encouragement.
• Last, but not least, to our partners who have suffered us while we wrote this book and to our children who have unknowingly given us so many of the ideas that fill its pages.

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