Brian L. Patton - The sexy vegan cookbook: Extraordinary food from an ordinary dude

More Praise for Brian L. Patton and
The Sexy Vegan Cookbook

One of the most important actions we can take to protect the environment is adopting a plant-based diet, and The Sexy Vegan Cookbook makes that task easier than ever. Armed with creative faux meats and a lighthearted approach, Brian Patton takes the daunting endeavor of eating healthily, ethically, and environmentally consciously and makes it an easy (and incredibly delicious) pill to swallow. Reserve a spot on your bookshelf for this one. Its a must-have!

Ed Begley, Jr., actor, activist, and author of
Living Like Ed: A Guide to the Eco-Friendly Life

In these pages, chef Brian Patton shows you that veganism can be sexy and delicious.

Rod Rotondi, author of Raw Food for Real People

In his videos, Brian Patton has a unique blend of talents, genuine charisma, and an ardent streak of irreverence that is most refreshing. [He is] very successful in making veganism look practical and accessible instead of fluffy or esoteric. Stick with it! I can feel Alton Brown shaking in his calfskin wingtips.

Chris D., a viewer in the Midwest

Copyright 2012 by Brian L. Patton

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

The Sexy Vegan and The Sexy Vegan logo are registered trademarks of Brian L. Patton.

Photo credits: Dan Boissy:

Text design by Tracy Cunningham

Typography by Tracy Cunningham and Tona Pearce Myers

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Patton, Brian L., date.

The sexy vegan cookbook : extraordinary food from an ordinary dude / Brian L. Patton.

p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN 978-1-60868-045-0 (pbk. : alk. paper)

1. Vegan cooking. 2. Cookbooks. I. Title.

TX837.P339 2012

First printing, March 2012

ISBN 978-1-60868-045-0

Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

New World Library is proud to be a Gold Certified Environmentally Responsible Publisher. Publisher certification awarded by Green Press Initiative. www.greenpressinitiative.org

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Live long and prosper.

MR. SPOCK,

science officer, first officer,

commanding officer,

federation ambassador,

vegan

CHAPTER 4.

Stuffed Shells Puttanesca

Kajillion Island Dressing

FIRST ID LIKE TO THANK MY PARENTS, Lynn and Enrico Patton. They never laid any messed-up trips on me when I was a kid, and as a result I ended up fairly well-adjusted. They didnt bat an eye when I became vegan, and always showed interest in my new lifestyle. They also had the foresight to plant that money tree in the backyard. Good work, guys!

Second, Id like to thank the Girlfriend. She was pretty much my only taste-tester during the production of this book and gave me very valuable feedback. So if any of these recipes suck, blame her. While she doesnt act like a chef (since chefs actually cook on occasion), she definitely thinks like one. That, along with the moral support and love she gave and continues to give, and a few XXX-rated activities slipped in for good measure, helped me get through the writing of this book. And while she never, of course, had to, she promised to tell me if any of my jokes or stories werent funny or good. Thanks, babe!

Finally, Id like to thank that ballsy crew over at New World Library. Cover designer extraordinaire Tracy Cunningham: thank you for being the creative dynamo behind the perfect cover and design. The great Ami Parkerson: thank you for showing my videos to the editor, thus plucking me out of obscurity and thrusting me into semi-obscurity. To expert publicist Kim Corbin: without you, this complete stranger would probably not be holding this book right now they wouldnt even be aware of its existence. Finally to Kristen Cashman, Jonathan Wichmann, and the whole editorial staff: thank you for taking my ramblings and molding them into relative coherence. You make me look good! Even more finally, a super special thanks to Georgia Hughes who carefully guided my newbie ass through this crazy process: thank you for everything you are my Obi-Wan Kenobi of book writing.

HELLO, PEOPLE! Sexy Vegan herewait a secondhere? Where is here? Where am I? Am I in a book? How the hell did this happen? HmmI guess we should rewind.

Once upon a time, in early May of 1977, my dad got into my moms pants, thus planting a seed, which eventually sprouted arms, legs, and, thankfully, a head. Shortly after this seed was sown, with my tiny, gelatinous, cellular self forming in my mommys belly, my parents went to see a new, state-of-the-art movie called Star Wars. I only mention this because it marked a turning point in my life: it thrust me into geekdom faster than the Millennium Falcon did the Kessel Run (which, incidentally, was less than twelve parsecsvery fast). About nine months after that, on February 16, 1978, in Hazle-ton, Pennsylvania, I was welcomed into the world by being carved out of my mothers womb, because I was all upside down and shit.

Then one day I went to college. Four years, two beer-pong trophies, countless blackouts, and one miraculous diploma later, I ended up on my parents couchfor a yearwhich I know they loved. While enjoying this much-needed time to chill, I happened upon a local-access cooking show. It was hosted by a portly, balding fellow with a mustache named Chef Lou (that was his name, not his mustaches). He made an angel-hair pasta dish, of diced tomatoes, garlic, butter, basil, and Parmesan, and presented it so simply that I didnt even need to write it down. Keep in mind, I had not learned how to cook spaghetti until my senior year of college. But watching Chef Lou, I thought, I can do that, and the next day, I did it. I made it for dinner, my parents loved it, and I sensed that they were just a little less disappointed in me than usual.

Finally, in October 2001, I decided to strike out on my own and join the real worldso I moved to Hollywood, for no other reason than that one of my friends was moving there, and I had nothing better to do. So we loaded up the car and trucked across the country. After a few friendless, penniless, shitty jobhaving years, I found myself unemployed with zero direction. Tinseltown, my ass!

In those first few years, however, I did get addicted to cooking shows. I would TiVo episodes featuring dishes that I thought I could make, and then transfer them to VHS tape to keep on file. My roommate said he didnt know what made me a bigger loser: that I was painstakingly preserving episodes of