Audrey Bilger - Here Come the Brides!: Reflections on Lesbian Love and Marriage

u.s. $17.00 gay/lesbian Here Happily-ever-after endings are for everyoneincluding lesbian couples. Co Here Come the Brides! is a fun, heartfelt, and moving celebration of lesbian unions and the major social change they represent. From considering the status of wife and m wife to actually tying the knot, these women writers explore e the range of issues uncovered when reflecting on what it means to walk down the aisle, whether its legal or not. the Brid Love between equals is not the marriage of the past, but many lesbian couples are exploring a future frontier of mutual care and respect. Read and learn.

Gloria Steinem Put this book in your Bridal Gift Registry. It just keeps on giving. Kate Clinton, humorist es! Here Come the Brides! is full of thoughtful, quick-witted writers on Lesbian Love and Marriage engaging the personal and the political in equal measure, making Reflections it a glorious, crucial snapshot of an institution in flux. Andi Zeisler, cofounder and editorial director, Bitch Media Seal Press Here Come A Member of the Perseus Books Group Distributed by Publishers Group West Visit us at www.sealpress.com Cover design by Domini Dragoone BiLGeR Cover images, clockwise from top left: Chely and Lauren, & KoRt Claire Jones, Claire Jones Photography. www.clairejones.net, Sarah and Robin Erica Beckman, theBrides! Reflections on Lesbian & Michele Kort Love and Marriage Clean Plate Pictures, www.cleanplatepictures.com.Victoria and Jacqueline Maggie Winters, Maggie Winters Photography, maggiewinters.com. Shannon and Khrista Maggie Winters, Maggie Winters Audrey Bilger Photography, maggiewinters.com edited by HCTB-FCBC-CS5.indd 1 1/10/12 2:35 PM Here Come theBrides! reflections on lesbian love and Marriage edited by Audrey bilger & Michele Kort HereCometheBrides_finalpages.indd 1 12/15/11 5:57:21 PM Here Come the Brides! Reflections on Lesbian Love and Marriage Copyright 2012 by Michele Kort and Audrey Bilger I Do (x2) by Lesla Newman Lesla Newman.

Break the Glass by Lesla Newman 2000 Lesla Newman. Originally published in Signs of Love, published by Windstorm Creative. Part of the essay I Dont Want to Be Part of Your [De]volution by Stephanie Schroeder first appeared on Shewired.com under the title Gay Marriage=The End of Queer Life, August 18, 2009. A version of Four Same-Sex Weddings and A Funeral by Susan Goldberg first appeared in Lilith magazine, Winter 2009-2010. 35-37. Six Reasons Lesbians Should Not Get Married by Jennifer Camper reprinted from Rude Girls and Dangerous Women 1994 Jennifer Camper.

Contemplation of A Name by Caridad Moro-McCormick first appeared in Lavender Review, Issue 2, 2010. Lets Marae! by Mary Meriam first appeared in Chiron Review, 2008. Published by Seal Press A Member of the Perseus Books Group 1700 Fourth Street Berkeley, California 94710 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in connection with a review. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Here come the brides : reflections on lesbian love and marriage / Audrey Bilger and Michele Kort, eds. cm. cm.

ISBN 978-1-58005-392-1 1. Same-sex marriage. 2. Lesbian couples. 3. 4. Weddings. I. I.

Bilger, Audrey, 1960- II. Kort, Michele. HQ1033.H47 2012 .306.848--dc23 2011045010 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Cover design by Domini Dragoone Interior design by Amber Pirker Printed in the United States of America Distributed by Publishers Group West HereCometheBrides_finalpages.indd 2 1/4/12 5:12:04 PM To Phyllis Lyon and Del Martinand all of the lesbian coupleswho waited thirty, forty, fifty yearsto be able, at last, to stop living in sinand to those who are still waiting. HereCometheBrides_finalpages.indd 3 12/15/11 5:57:21 PM Contents introduction Audrey Bilger and Michele Kort let s Marae! Mary MeriamWedding Planners A tale of two cakes Candace Walsh ten days of a lesbian engagement Leslie Lange Shes the boy Cate Glass getting civilized Chella Quint My trojan dress Kari Lerum contemplation of a Name Caridad Moroi dos and i donts Six reasons lesbians Should Not get Married Jennifer Camper this Flight tonight Wendy MacLeod Almost Stephanie Hallett HereCometheBrides_finalpages.indd 4 12/15/11 5:57:21 PM Always a bridesmaid Michele Kort i dont Want to be Part of your [de]volution Stephanie Schroeder let Them eat ( Wedding) cake Linda Villarosa We have to talk About it, Someday Emily Douglas im Not from here Holly Hughes gay Marriage, Semantics, and a Fallen bridge Rachel DarlingMarching our Way to the aisle As the girl turns Amelia Sauter Marriage by the Numbers M. V. Lee Badgett the First brides A Conversation with Kate Kendell and Phyllis Lyon diary of a love Warrior Davina Kotulski Where the Queer Zone Meets the Asian Zone Helen Zia Standing on ceremony J. in 2008, Audrey legally married her partner of twelve years, with lots of love but no fanfare or party or white dress. in 2008, Audrey legally married her partner of twelve years, with lots of love but no fanfare or party or white dress.

She thought marriage wouldnt change much in her life, but as months went on and in the midst of campaigning against Proposition 8, the ballot ini tiative to ban same-sex marriage in her home state of californiashe began to feel fiercely proud and protective of her marital status. The opponents of same-sex marriage were saying awful things about gay people: that we menace children and damage the idea of 9 HereCometheBrides_finalpages.indd 9 12/15/11 5:57:21 PM Here Come the Brides family; that we want to bring about the end of civilization. in the bitter aftermath of Prop 8s passage, Audrey couldnt stay silent: She started writing about what it meant to both have a wife and be one; about what it was like to live in a state that still acknowledged her marriage but denied other lesbian and gay people the right to marry; and about how it felt to be a newlywed who couldnt cross a state line without losing her marital rights. As a feminist scholar, she also noted the gender issues that were not being publicly discussed in conversations about gay marriage. She thought about lesbians in similar marital straits and those in far worse ones, and she mulled over the idea of a book that would tell the story of these tumultuous times. Dont Take My Wife, Please! was the books first working title, a protest spin on henny youngmans famous one-liner and a slogan Au drey and her friends had printed on t-shirts when they were trying to stop Prop 8. Dont Take My Wife, Please! was the books first working title, a protest spin on henny youngmans famous one-liner and a slogan Au drey and her friends had printed on t-shirts when they were trying to stop Prop 8.

She was just beginning to formulate a plan for the book when an email dropped into her inbox in mid-2009 from Michele: A friend of Micheles wanted to visit Audreys collegewould Audrey show her around? After saying yes, Audrey mentioned the book idea and slipped in a parenthetical note that a co-editor would be really nice... just a thought, hopefully not a too-presumptuous one! Michele immediately took the not-so-subtle hint. hey, its a great titlesign me up! glad to be your co-editor! Michele had no idea what she was getting into, actual y. She and her longtime partner had