Chris-Rachael Oseland - Wood for Sheep: The Unauthorized Settlers Cookbook

Put down your pitchforks.
That sad truth was the original inspiration for this book. Whenever I game, twothings invariably happen. First, a generous gamer who has somehow miraculouslyreached adulthood without any food allergies or dietary restrictions will offerto buy everyone pizza. Yay ! Second, half the peoplein the room say, man, they wish they could eat pizza, but one has Celiacdisease and another is lactose intolerant. For them, pizza might as well bepoison. Then at least one other person quietly coughs that they're either avegetarian or a paleo /primal dieter. By the timeeveryone with limited diet has bowed out, you realize the person who suggestedpizza is the only person in the room who can safely eat it.
I hate situations like that. Too often, the poor, generous gamer who justwanted to top off everyone's fuel tanks so the group could keep playing withoutinterruption now feels like a jerk. That's not right. Feeding a mixed group ofgeeks is hard.
This ongoing problem left me seriously pondering the best way to feed a biggroup of geeks. The most efficient answer was to tell them all to brown bag it since keeping up with everyone's specializeddietary needs can be a full time job. That isn't a very satisfying answer,though. Food isn't just a set of mandatory building blocks for cellularconstruction and repair. Eating together is social, and it should be fun.
Even if you don't play the game this book is based on, you recognize those red,green, and yellow hexes as an iconic part of geek culture. Lay out a hex shapedspread in those colors and you're automatically flying your geek flag. Plus,the edible hex maps look amazing. Each one is tailored to fit multiple dietaryrestrictions. As an extra bonus, most of them honestly aren't that hard toprepare.
I hope this book is helpful for any geeks struggling to figure out how to feeda group of people whose digestive systems all seem to be at war. I promise, nomatter how physically limited or just plain picky they are, it really ispossible to invite almost all of your friends over for the same meal. Pick upsome cheap, disposable hex shaped dishes and you can even do it with style.
WHERE DO I GET THOSE AWESOME HEX SHAPED DISHES?
All the plastic dishes you see in this cookbook are actually hexagonal weighboats manufactured by Scientific Equipment of Houston. I bought mine on Amazon.com.At press time for this book, you can get 100 of the medium sized (two cup)weigh boats for around $20, including shipping. One hundred of the small (1/2cup) ones will run you closer to $15. You need 19 hexes to make a board, soeach batch gets you enough supplies for five boards, plus a couple sparedishes.
The hexes are designed to be lightweight and disposable. Treat them the sameway you treat disposable plastic plates from the grocery store.
You can find similar, inexpensive hex shaped disposable dishes manufactured bySmall Wonders or Universal Medical. I'm not getting a kickback from any ofthese companies. I just want you to be able to find affordable hex shapeddishes, because those really complete the look.
Before starting this book, I did look into reusable hexagon shaped serveware . The dishes I found cost anywhere from $40-$180each. For the cost of 19 dishes, you could afford the gorgeous Settlers of Catan 3D Collector's Edition (which is a betterinvestment.) I want to keep all of this affordable and fun for your averagegamer, so really, go get the disposable hexagon shaped weigh boats of yourchoice.
If, for whatever reason, you don't want to pick up some disposable plastichexes, you can achieve 80% of the effect for most boards with hex shaped cookiecutters, a 15" or larger pizza baking sheet, and a lot of patience. Startwith the center hex. Carefully stuff your food into the cookie cutter, let itrest for at least 30 seconds, then gently lift thecookie cutter. Put it down next to one of your food hex's six sides and repeatthe process.
It's unsatisfying and nerve wracking, but you can actually make most of theseboards with a single hex cookie cutter. That will run you about $6 instead of$15-20. Only you can decide if it's really worth the hassle. Wait. That's nottrue. I've done it both ways so you don't have to, and I can say with authoritythat the $9 savings isn't worth the Hulk-like rage you'll feel if you wasteyour time with just a cookie cutter.
WHAT OTHER SUPPLIES DO I NEED?
I tried to make this cookbook as accessible as possible. You really only needtwo special items - the hexagonal weigh boats and some hexagonal cookiecutters. I picked up a hexagon cookie cutter set with six graduated sizes forabout $15, but you can get a single hex cookie cutter the same size as the hexdishes for about $6. You can find an assortment of sizes, prices, andcollections at local craft stores, restaurant supply stores, Amazon.com orEtsy.com. The good folks at Mayfair Games also sell an official Settlers of Catan cookie cutter in the exact size of a Settlers of Catan tile. You can show them some support and get theperfect sized hex by buying directly through Mayfair Games.
SIZE MATTERS
The cup small hex dishes require nine cups of food to fill. That's more thanyou think. The larger medium hex dishes fit two cups of food each. That's 38cups of food. To put that in perspective, that's enough to fill four gallonsized milk jugs. If you're having four or five people over to have dinner andplay a board game, you will have food leftover. Plan in advance and either haveplenty of containers for leftovers or send everyone home with food fortomorrow's lunch.
SETTING UP THE BOARDS
If you take a good look at the green beans and asparagus(my two favorite forests) you'll notice they're mostly undressed. You'll alsonotice they stand up proud and strong like the fake trees they represent. Thesetwo things are related. You can make some very attractive tree shapes withfresh, dry vegetables, but once they're lubed up with tasty olive oil, butter,or spices, they become the world's most frustrating mess. Take my word on itwhen I say more often than not, you want to present the cooked asparagus andgreen beans unseasoned. Leave a subtle little bowl of dressing off to one side.Once everyone destroys your hard work by serving themselves, they can alsodouse the veggies in sauce.