Kenneth M. Adams - Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners

Praise for
Silently Seduced, Revised and Updated

For the past twenty years, Silently Seduced has been the comprehensive guidebook on the subject of covert incest for both the clinician and the layperson seeking insight into this difficult-to-identify issue. With this updated edition, Dr. Adams has brought new and timely insights to the subject, expanding discussion of the issue to include a broader range of relationshipsone that reflects the more complicated world we live in.

Eleanor D. Payson , LMSW, author of The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists

Dr. Adams expertly sheds light on a critical issue that is, sadly, romanticized by Hollywood and insufficiently deconstructed in clinical training programs. This book is a must read for men and women experiencing compulsive sexual and romantic pain, parents interested in raising healthy children, and clinicians who want to offer sensitive, informed support along the way.

Kelly McDaniel , psychotherapist and author of Ready to Heal: Women Facing Love, Sex, and Relationship Addiction

Like the original Silently Seduced , Dr. Ken Adamss updated version is engaging, clear, and hopeful. It adds new insights and guidance that makes this new edition a compelling read for those in need and professionals alike.

John C. Friel, Ph.D. , and Linda Friel, M.A., authors of
Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families and An Adult Childs Guide to Whats Normal

In this welcome new edition of his classic book, Adams perceptively expands his earlier work, and in a nuanced way explains much more about the subtleties of covert abuse and its aftereffects.

Richard Gartner, Ph.D., author of Beyond Betrayal and past president of MaleSurvivor.org.

This groundbreaking recovery classic shines a compassionate light on the hidden world of covert incest. Dr. Adamss poignant stories and clinical wisdom empower readers to recognize dysfunctional relationships, heal long-standing emotional wounds, and create an intimate life of their own choosing.

Wendy Maltz , LCSW, D.S.T., author of The Sexual Healing Journey and coauthor of The Porn Trap

Silently Seduced is a must read for those who have difficulty establishing and maintaining romantic relationships. It gives the reader the keys to understanding how covert incest in childhood stands in the way of having an adult, healthy, intimate relationship and offers the hope of a new beginning. Dr. Adams so thoroughly nails the problem that Silently Seduced is a stand-alone book on the topic.

Alexandra Katehakis , M.F.T., author of Erotic Intelligence

The confusing and complex conflicts experienced by the child who is filling in for what is missing in the parents relationship are explored with expertise, and Adams does a compelling job of delineating how these conflicts play out as these little partners enter their own, adult relationships.

Tian Dayton, Ph.D., author of Emotional Sobriety

Kenneth Adams has done it again! As in the original Silently Seduced , Dr. Adams eloquently speaks to the source of so many adults chronic struggles with intimacy. This revised edition uses powerful anecdotes to bring well-organized theoretical perspectives to life, creating a highly readable, deeply moving experience for readers. The Q&A at the end of the book effectively creates the experience of a personal conversation with Dr. Adams. We cannot wait to begin using this revised edition as a powerful treatment resource with our clients!

Ginger Bercaw , Psy.D., CSAT, CST, and Bill Bercaw, Psy.D., CSAT, CST,
authors of The Couples Guide to Intimacy and From the Living Room to the Bedroom.

This book is a must read for anyone looking to understand or heal from incestuous relationships. Dr. Adamss raw and in-depth look brings clarity to a controversial topic. By answering the why and the how, readers can gain new insight to process their emotions and make important changes in their lives and relationships.

Stefanie Carnes , Ph.D., LMFT, author of Mending a Shattered Heart

Silently Seduced offers precious insight into some of the least understood and most hidden of mens emotional challenges.

Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, founding director of The Sexual Recovery Institute and author of Cruise Control and Untangling the Web

Silently Seduced is a necessary tool for all therapists who work with survivors of overt or covert incest as well as the client who has even a slight dysfunctional relationship with a parent or family member. The book includes great case examples that are easily relatable and would benefit anyone struggling with an inappropriate relationship with a parentsome that most may not even see as inappropriate until reading this book.

Erin A. Munroe , author of When Big Issues Happen to Little Girls

Silently Seduced is a book [we] here at PCS recommend to therapists and to our clients. No one has done a better job at dealing with covert incest in the manner that speaks clearly to therapists and clients and provides helpful information in terms of what to do.

Ralph H. Earle , Ph.D., founder and president of
Psychological Counseling Services, Ltd.

Silently Seduced offers much-needed validation for anyone who has been held hostage by a parents inappropriate need for companionship. Dr. Adams speaks to the overwhelming responsibility placed on a child who becomes the surrogate partner for a needy, lonely parent and explores how this burden interferes in normal development, which results in later struggles for intimacy, healthy sexuality, and commitment. He offers help and hope for anyone who has been the victim of covert incest and greater understanding for those in the helping professions.

Jane Middelton-Moz , M.S., coauthor of After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood Trauma

Health Communications, Inc.

Deerfield Beach, Florida

www.hcibooks.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Adams, Kenneth M., 1955

Silently seduced : when parents make their children partners /
Kenneth M. Adams.Rev. & updated ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-0-7573-1587-9 (trade paper)

ISBN-10: 0-7573-1587-9 (trade paper)

ISBN-13: 978-0-7573-9174-3 (e-book)

ISBN-10: 0-7573-9174-5 (e-book)

1. Incest victimsPsychology. 2. Adult child sexual abuse victims
Psychology. I. Title.

HV6570.6.A33 2011

306.877dc23

2011024018

2011 Kenneth M. Adams

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its logos, and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.

3201 S.W. 15th Street

Deerfield Beach, FL 33442-8190

R-8-11

Cover design by Larissa Hise Henoch

Inside design and formatting by Dawn Von Strolley Grove

ePub created by Dawn Von Strolley Grove

To Cheryl and Zachary,
the loves and joys of my life.

ALSO BY KENNETH M. ADAMS, Ph.D.

When Hes Married to Mom:
How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men

Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment
(with Alexander P. Morgan)

Clinical Management of Sex Addiction
(with Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.)

Contents

Foreword by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.