Keith Rollag Ph.D. - What to Do When Youre New: How to Be Comfortable, Confident, and Successful in New Situations

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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOURE NEW

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOURE

NEW

HOW TO BE COMFORTABLE, CONFIDENT, and SUCCESSFUL IN NEW SITUATIONS

KEITH ROLLAG

To Annie and David

CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Books are rarely a solo act, and I had lots of help and support over the past few years as I plotted, schemed, outlined, wrote, and revised this book. I apologize in advance if Ive forgotten anybody.

First and foremost on my grand list of thanks are my wife Kathy Harris and my kids Annie and David Rollag. Kathy was first reader and chief editor on every chapter, primary sounding board for new ideas, and my personal therapist as I battled my inner demons and procrastinating ways to get this book out the door. Annie and David gracefully tolerated my frequent trips to the local coffee shop to write, and rewarded me with lots of hugs upon my return.

My graduate assistant Gena Koufos also suffered through early drafts of every chapter, and provided lots of thoughtful input, as did my mom Lottie Rollag. I also appreciate the general encouragement I got from the morning coffee guys at the Muffin House Caf.

Of course, many thanks go to my agent Giles Anderson for helping me conceptualize and pitch my book proposal, and to Ellen Kadin and the fine folks at AMACOM for publishing this book.

Ive also had an army of colleagues, friends, and students read and comment on various chapters of this book. Thanks goes to Allan Cohen, Sally Baron, Tom Bowden, Bruce Bumpus, Caroline Daniels, Sinan Erzurumlu, Danna Greenberg, Jeannie Kahwajy, Thais Khuriyeh, Elaine Landry, Rob Major, Jesse McCain, Wendy Murphy, Chris Olkiewicz, Katy Palfrey, Matt Reis, Vonnie Reis, Tracey Reza, Miguel Rivera, Jessi Rosinski, Doris Rye, Victor Seidel, Jonathan Sims, Meehan Tariq, and Scott Taylor.

Over the years Ive conducted many interviews with people about their newcomer experiences, including several specifically done for this book. Special thanks goes to recent interviewees Bonnie Anderson, Mahin Arastu, Dave Bernard, Amit Bhatia, Alex Birch, Arturo Bonilla, Allan Cohen, Michael Collins, Jessica Crowley, Ryan Dillon, Eric Echelmeyer, Shawn Edge, Keith Ehrlich, Joe Ewing, Xiao Feng, Keven Gallagher, Danielle Gorlick, Claire Gorman, Ginnie Hatch, Craig Hirsh, Susan Jancourtz, Kazuki Kawaguchi, Alice Korwan, Terry Laughlin, Karen Levine, Eric Lindley, Scott Marcinkus, Marvin Marcus, Fernando Maturana, Chris McEwen, Natalia Ortiz Mena, Domenic Millen, Nick Morwood, Shane Niebergall, Victor OFarrill, Chris Olkiewicz, Dante Paredes, Samuel Rabin, Astrid Ramirez-Jacobs, Gary Reid, Cliff Riggs, Dave Riley, Hilda Rodriquez Paez, Rodrigo Rodriquez, Chumacero Rubli, Geoff Sauter, Claire Sheth, Melissa Spinks, Dave Sullivan, Mark Therieau, Valerie Todd, Jennifer Velis, and Jeani Warish.

The earliest research for this book occurred while I was a Ph.D. student at Stanford University. I thank all the Stanford graduates and participants of the Mayfield Fellows Program for their newcomer journaling and interviews, and all the input and support I got from my advisors Steve Barley, Bob Sutton, and Tom Byers.

More recently I also appreciate the newcomer research and interviews Ive done with co-conspirators Rob Cross and Sal Parise that helped produce several of the quotes and examples in this book. Finally, I must thank my colleagues at Babson College (and particularly the Management Division) for their general support for me and my research. Its a fantastic school and great place to work.

Part 1

WHY NEW SITUATIONS MAKE US NERVOUS

In this section well explore how this book can help you become a more confident, comfortable, and successful newcomer. Well discuss five key behaviors for newcomer successintroducing yourself, remembering names, asking questions, starting relationships, and performing new things in front of unfamiliar peopleand see how they are fundamental activities in almost every new situation. Youll also learn how evolution, culture, and our early childhood experiences predispose us to be nervous in new situations and, more important, how to overcome these anxieties through mindful reflection and practice.

ONE

SUCCESS STARTS WITH BEING NEW

To achieve almost anything in life you have to put yourself into new situations. To have a successful career, you often need to change jobs and join new organizations. You get promoted into new teams. Sometimes youre transferred to unfamiliar cities and countries. Outside of work, youre new every time you go back to school for more education or join a new health club to get in shape. Youre often a newcomer every time you take up a new hobby, go on a vacation overseas, or check one more thing off your bucket list.

In fact, its nearly impossible to accomplish anything meaningful and important in life without at some point having to meet new people, learn new things, and take on new roles. And as a newcomer, how you think and act in those first few seconds, minutes, hours, and days matters. What you do when youre new often determines whether you will find the success, satisfaction, and happiness that drove you to be a newcomer in the first place.

The goal of this book is to help you become a more successful newcomeracross all kinds of new situations. Well explore the science of newcomer success and give you a set of strategies, techniques, and exercises to become:

More productive and confident in your new role

Better connected to new co-workers, classmates, group members, and neighbors

Less anxious and awkward around strangers

More willing to seek out those new experiences that make life in teresting, rewarding, and fun

NEWCOMER SUCCESS: FIVE KEY SKILLS

Ive been studying newcomer success for over twenty years. In the workplace, I have interviewed hundreds of new employees in a variety of roles, levels, and industries. I have observed newcomers while they work, and have talked to their managers. Ive also asked newcomers to keep journals about their first few weeks on the job and have conducted newcomer surveys across many organizations.

Outside of the workplace, Ive interviewed newcomers joining schools, churches, neighborhoods, theater groups, health clubs, and even rock bands. Ive interviewed college students moving into residence halls, and senior citizens moving into retirement communities. Ive talked with people taking classes on everything from swimming, guitar, yoga, and skiing to beekeeping. Through these interviews Ive been trying to understand what successful newcomers do that allows them to have such positive, rewarding experiences. How do they get up to speed quickly? How do they integrate themselves into their new group? How do they get the information and advice they need to be productive in their new role?

Ive discovered that the secret to newcomer success is no secret at all. It mostly comes down to our willingness and ability to do five key things:

1. Introduce ourselves to strangers.

2. Learn and remember names.

3. Ask questions.

4. Seek out and start new relationships.

5. Perform new things in front of others.