Dembling - Introverts in love : the quiet way to happily ever after
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- Book:Introverts in love : the quiet way to happily ever after
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Abstract: From the author of The Introverts Way, a friendly and accessible guide to dating and relationships for introverts. Love is tricky for everyone--and different personality types can face their own unique problems. Now the author of The Introverts Way offers a guide to romance that takes you through the frequently outgoing world of dating, courting, and relationships, helping you navigate issues that are particular to introverts, from making conversation at parties to the challenges of dating an extrovert
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Praise for
Introverts in Love
Writing with her signature blend of wit and empathy, Sophia Dembling delivers a quietly insightful guide to love and romance. Introverts in Love is the book for anyone who has ever wrestled with the conflict between the wish to stay home and the desire to go out and find a partner; the mutual attraction and occasional friction between introverts and extroverts; and the comforts, charms, and particular challenges of relationships between introverts. Most of all, it is a book about the human capacity for love.
Susan Cain, cofounder of Quiet Revolution LLC and author of the New York Times bestseller Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Cant Stop Talking
Rich with stories from introverts in all stages of relationships and punctuated by Sophia Demblings characteristic wit, Introverts in Love gives both seeking and smitten introverts a feast for their thoughts. Whether the reader is stuck on how to meet someone or troubleshooting a relationship conflict, Introverts in Love artfully provides stories, ideas, options, and considerations without intruding on or dominating the introverts process.
Laurie Helgoe, PhD, author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength
Author Sophia Dembling speaks to the heart of the introvert love experience. She carries the reader along with her characteristic honesty, humor, and surprising research nuggets. Introverts and extroverts in, out of, or looking for love will be grateful for this book.
Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, author of Quiet Influence and The Introverted Leader
Sophia Dembling hit a home run with Introverts in Love, showing readers specifically how to find a quiet way to happily-ever-after. She offers compelling examples and useful how-tos in this wonderfully accessible guide to your and your loved ones hearts. Dembling writes with depth and humor, while honoring the value of relationships, the human spirit, and the how to make the jigsaw puzzle of different personality types in a relationship fit.
Nancy Ancowitz, author of Self-Promotion for Introverts
No matter where you are in your relationshipseeking, dating, or committedIntroverts in Love offers wisdom and advice about how to share your life with another person without compromising your wonderful introvert self. Dembling writes with humor and heart, encouraging us to take a chance on letting someone else into our inner sanctum. Nowhere else have I seen the ups and downs of being an introvert in love so honestly and beautifully expressed!
Beth L. Buelow, ACC, founder of the Introvert Entrepreneur
A PERIGEE BOOK
Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Group (USA) LLC
375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014
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penguin.com
A Penguin Random House Company
Copyright 2015 by Sophia Dembling
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Dembling, Sophia.
Introverts in love : the quiet way to happily ever after / Sophia Dembling. First edition.
pages cm
ISBN 978-0-698-15924-2
1. Introverts. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Dating (Social customs). 4. Courtship. 5. Man-woman relationships. I. Title.
BF698.35.I59D457 2015
158.2dc23 2014040023
First edition: January 2015
While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, Internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.
Most Perigee books are available at special quantity discounts for bulk purchases for sales promotions, premiums, fund-raising, or educational use. Special books, or book excerpts, can also be created to fit specific needs. For details, write: Special.Markets@us.penguingroup.com.
Version_1
To Tom, who likes that I dont talk much, and yet reminds me to finish my sentences when necessary
Why Introverts in Love
Love is complicated. It is both universal and highly individual. In a way, nobody is an expert on love, and in a way, everybody is. Love is the same for all of us; it must be, or songs about love wouldnt twang such universal chords. But its also differenthow often have you looked at a couple and wondered how they could possibly stay together?
Introversion and extroversion are only two small facets of all that makes us who we are. Each of us is a rich and complex slumgullion of traits and quirks, nature and nurture, hopes and dreams and irritating habits. And, of course, the most basic rules for relationship success are the same for introverts, extroverts, and everyone in between: Communication, compromise, respect. Same with things that lead to relationship failure. The details may change but the general principles are the same for everyone.
So if we know that, why a book just for and about introverts and love?
Well, for one thing, being an introvert can seem at odds with seeking and finding love. We just dont put ourselves out there as much as extroverts; and even when we do, we arent as quick to make friends of strangers.
I dont meet as many people as my friends because I generally prefer to stay home and delve into something really stimulating, like reading or video games, says Taylor, a 27-year-old single writer and an introvert. I also dont tend to mingle too well with people at parties. I do better with friends there with me, and I can turn it on and talk to just about anyone without awkwardness, but I often dont.
Not only that, but when introverts meet someone who sparks their interest, they often are uncomfortable making the first move of any kind. Ray-Mel, a 60-year-old artist and an introvert, says that he was so crushed the times he stepped out of his comfort zone and pursued someone only to be turned down, he decided it wasnt worth the risk. After a while I just sat back and waited to be approached rather than do the approaching, he says. That resulted in long inactive periods. (Fortunately, Ray-Mel met the perfect extrovert for him; youll hear more about that later.)
On top of that, with our limited energy for interaction, where do we even find the juice for the search? How do we meet potential partners when mingling is such a chore for us? How do we stand out when we prefer to hold back?
And are introverts more likely to find love with an extrovert, who will bring sparkle and energy to our lives? Or an introvert, who will cozy up in quiet comfort with us?
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