Horn - Sexting: The Grownups Little Book of Sex Tips for Getting Dirty Digitally

THE GROWNUPS LITTLE BOOK OF SEX TIPS FOR GETTING DIRTY DIGITALLY

TINA HORN

2015 Quarto Publishing Group USA Inc.

First published in the USA in 2015 by

Fair Winds Press, an imprint of

Quarto Publishing Group USA Inc.

100 Cummings Center

Suite 406-L

Beverly, MA 01915-6101

QuartoKnows.com

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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

Digital edition: 978-1-62788-827-1

Softcover edition: 978-1-59233-705-7

Digital edition published in 2015

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available

Cover, book, and illustration design by Mattie Wells: mattiewells.com

For Andie Lynn: In honor of all the ways were different that show us all the ways were the same

I WANT YOU. Is there anything sexier than hearing those three little words spoken by someone who you want right back?

I want you to come home with me, says your date, leaning across the restaurant table to give you an electric touch on your thigh.

*

Your phone lights up with a message:

I want you inside me tonight.

*

Your partners face fills up your computer screen and stares deep into your eyes. When he speaks, you feel like he is whispering in your ear, even though he is hundreds of miles away. He says,

I need to rip your clothes off.

Im so fucking horny for you.

I have designs on your body.

Whether youre in the same room or mediated by a computer, this kind of fantastic dirty talk has the power to turn you on, get you off, and bring you and your partner closer together.

For almost ten years, its been my job to communicate about sex. Ive coached private clients about their kinky fantasies and directed hardcore indie porn. Ive published queer erotica, written nonfiction articles on sexual subcultures, and spoken to lecture halls filled with curious students. On my podcast, Why Are People Into That?!, my guests and I chat explicitly about everything from exhibitionism to spanking to anal play.

For me, sex and verbal communication are inextricably intertwined. Language brings us together. Words create romantic poetry and essential boundaries, defusing conflict and promoting understanding. Dirty talk is a powerful tool and an exciting toy for generating attraction and connection between people. Sometimes the best kind of language is wordless: it exists in a glance, a pose, or a perfectly composed image.

Communicating in our modern digital worlda culture of computers, devices, apps, and camerascan be overwhelming. New methods for exchanging virtual messages seem to crop up every week. In this age, you can hit the dating world after a few short years of a monogamous relationship only to feel like everyone is fluent in a dialect you didnt even know existed. However, the point of technology is to bring us together, not tear us apart. We need to make each new development work for us, rather than leave us behind.

With the communication skills youll learn from this book, youll develop the confidence to have the kind of sex you want to have and connect with the people you want to have it with. Youll learn to think of dirty talk as a sex toy for that big organ between your ears! Youll also learn how to use your personal computer to become a veritable erotic filmmaker and superstar, albeit one who is creating a private collection with an exclusive audience.

In , where youll learn how to take flattering selfies that stay secure.

This book is for anyone who wants to deepen his or her sexual communication. Im a queer cisgender woman who is partnered and nonmonogamous. I dont make any assumptions about your gender or the gender of the person or persons you sleep with. In my writing, Im inclined to switch gender pronouns around, and I trust you to make adjustments accordingly.

Dirty talk and private show-off pics can be a way to reclaim words that make us feel fabulous about our bodies and relationships. They can also help us assert our identities and explore our fantasies. Excellent erotic communication is about cursing a blue streak in bed. Its about creating a teasing video just for your partner, or sending him or her a detailed description of what you want to do tonight. Most important, though, its about asserting what you want and listening to what your partners want so you can make each other happy and fulfilled.

Im looking forward to making cunning linguists of you all!

Before you send your first sext, before you agonize over your OkCupid survey answers, before you take the perfect butt selfie, you have to know the basics of dirty talking IRL. (Thats in real life in Internet speakyou know, that place where youre in the same room as another person, where you can smell and touch them in three dimensions!)

My most popular workshops over the years have always been the ones that focus on sexual communication. When I ask my students why they signed up for that particular class, by far the most common reason is:

I just dont know what to say.

Do you find yourself frozen with stage fright mid-seduction, like an actress who has forgotten her lines? Do your partners encourage you to use nasty words while youre having sex, and yet you have no clue what would turn them on?

Maybe you find yourself stuttering because the blood is rushing away from your brain. Perhaps, like many of us, you were so socialized to think of sex as an impolite conversation topic that youre scared to talk about it even while youre actually doing it.

I honestly believe that people do know what to say; they just need a little help with how to say it. You are the person who knows what you want. You have the right to ask for it. This section is going to give you all the tricks youll need to feel confident about expressing your inner desires in the heat of the moment.

Perhaps what you want is a long, deep kiss. Or maybe you want to be naked and sweaty, lustfully tearing one another apart. You could have a special fetish youre not sure how to ask for. You may need romance, intimacy, or commitment. Regardless, youre only going to get what youre after if you know how to ask for it.