Patrick OHara - I got no brother.

Perditus Liber Presents

the rare

OCLC: 11591726

book:

I Got No Brother

By

Patrick OHara

Published 1967

I GOT NO BROTHER

Copyright Patrick OHara 1967

Printed in Great Britain by

Clarke, Doble and Brendon Ltd

for the publishers

Neville Spearman Ltd

112 Whitfield Street, London W1

Contents

And fugh you, too, china.

Patrick OHara

One

I am standing in this doorway on Shaftesbury Avenue. It is late night and the sun has gone down and it is getting dark and the lights are beginning to come on in the streets and in the buildings and the flashing neon lights of the signs and the lights of the traffic and the lights in the big red buses; and suddenly it is dark and everywhere there are lights. London always seems pretty good about this time and I am just standing here minding my own business and not even on the bum. That is all I am doing, just standing here giving myself a scratch and watching all these people going by on the pavements. You do that and, Jesus H Christ, you will see some strange-looking Herberts all right. You stand on Shaftesbury Avenue some night that you have nothing better to do and it will open your eyes like they have never been opened before. And you can say that again, china.

Anyhow, here I am running the eye over all these young mices wearing summer frocks and laughing and joking and looking in the shop windows when suddenly, I see this old bag coming up from way of the Dilly. She has got on a frock that is too tight for her and she looks to me like she is thinking that she is young and good-looking again. I mean not that I know if she was good-looking when she was young anyway because I have never set eyes on her before in my whole life till just now. Anyhow, just to give her an elegant touch she is dragging this hound along that is wearing a pink ribbon and has got a hair-cut like maybe it wandered into one of those electric fans. Well, all the time this old bag is coming up the street she is giving the Come On to all the young fellows going by like maybe she is the easiest thing in the whole town. And that is really saying something when you know this town like I do. And you can say that again, twice.

Anyhow, when she comes alongside I give her a grin like I know

what she is looking for all right, but all she does is give me a hinge down her nose like I am something left behind by the Ark. Well that takes the steam right out of my boiler, I tell you. If I had a gun I would shoot myself. But having no gun I just stand there watching her go on up the street and thinking, there goes your supper, china. Then I think she is going to stop and come back, but no, she changes her mind again and goes on along, and after a while she has got lost in the crowd and it dont look like she is ever going to come back; and all the time the noise of the traffic is loud and the voices are loud and the laughter is loud, and taking it all over, London seems pretty happy this night.

Then just when I am beginning to feel like this fellow Wordsworth on the Bridge, something starts giving me trouble under my shirt. Oh, I know what it is all right. I guess you can pick up almost anything in Hyde Park, if you know what I mean. That is where I have been sleeping all afternoon and I am hard, hot and hungry and a long, long way from home. But if I was not so hungry I would be feeling pretty happy standing here in this doorway on Shaftesbury watching the world going by on the pavements; but as it is I am beginning to wonder when and where I am going to eat, if ever.

Have you got a light, please?

Well, well, well, I am thinking, not another one. To tell you the truth I am really shocked about this shortage of matches they have got in London. It is really something, and no mistake.

I say, says this fellow. Have you got a light?

Me? I says, No. And I am thinking this geezer is so bent he could make a corkscrew look straight.

Dont you smoke? he says.

Well that is a particularly soft question to ask somebody like me. I mean what is he expecting me to say, no? If I said, no, he would then bring out a paper bag and ask if I would like a chocolate bon bon. You see, china, I have got all this outfit taped.

Then while he is standing there offering his cigarettes, I say, Thank you very much. And he says, Delighted! And then he takes out his matches and lights up.

Now you see what I mean about this shortage of matches. It is some racket, believe you me, china.

In a hurry? he says when he finally gets around to it.

Well, I mean I have been standing in this doorway about a couple of hours now and I dont see me in any hurry by any stretch of the imagination whatsoever.

Then he says, Its very hot to-night.

Now I am thinking he is thinking I am maybe three parts gone in the head. Well, if there is anybody three parts gone in the head it is certainly not me because I know what I am talking about all right.

So I say, It gets cold during the night, china.

So its like that is it? he says looking me up and down, but mostly down like what he has been doing the whole time.

I just nod my head and take a hinge at the traffic roaring past.

Then after a little cough and a quick look around he says, Would you care for a beer?

Well now, this is one kid who never passed up anything for free in his whole life and I say, Thats very kind of you. And he says, Not at all! What are we waiting for?

Well that is the big question because he has got all the money.

Then the next thing is he starts up the street and I start after him and he is looking at me and smiling and I am looking at him and smiling and hoping that he is going to buy me a couple of sandwiches with this beer he is going to get me. I mean not that I am a bum really, it is just that I got no money.

This alehouse we go in is pretty near the top of the Avenue, around on a side street. I suppose I could tell you its name and the street it is on but somebody just told me that might be libel or perjury or something along those lines and I dont want to lose any gilt I might make on this little epic to some down-at-the-heel publican who runs a dive like this but dont want everybody to know about it. Anyhow, this dive is well-known in London and anybody on the run and looking for his bed and a dollar winds up there at one time or another. It is one of those sort of dives. If you dont find what you are looking for there then it is not worth looking for anyway, if you know what I mean. But if you are really desperate about a hinge at this place then you hit the town around Dean Street and you will be going in the right direction. Only if you come back in a box, dont blame me.

When we go inside I spot a couple of fellows I know who are on the run from the Army. They are drinking with a fellow who

looks like he is from the line-up at Dutch Harrys Strip Bar. When they see me they all nod just to let me know that they are in a recognizing mood. Then this new-found friend of mine buys two pints of the best and we stand back to the middle of the floor to take a hinge at the rest of the place.

Theres quite a crowd here to-night, says my china who I think is under the misapprehension that I am dim in the lamps as well as soft in the head.

Yeah, theres quite a few here to-night, I say just to let him know that I am not gone altogether.