Scott Mallon - They Call Me Farang: Short Stories By An American In Bangkok

They Call Me Farang

Copyright 2015

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or part in any format.

First edition published 2015

For information regarding this book, please contact the author www.anamericaninbangkok.com

ISBN 978-0997144413

Dedicated to my mother and to my wife Beau.

Adventures Wait

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.

Eleanor Roosevelt,

American Politician and the First Lady of the United States

***

In the 1993 comedy Waynes World , Mike Meyers (Wayne) dreams he meets Jim Morrison of the Doors. Morrison informs Wayne he is destined to put on a concert. When Wayne asks how he is supposed to get the bands to come, Morrison tells him, If you book them, they will come.

All you have to do is take the first step and the rest will fall into place. Sometimes taking the first step is all that is necessary to put the rest of the trip into motion.

Whether long or short-term, traveling is simple. Choose a place to go, decide upon your method of getting from point A to point B, and then use said transportation to get to your destination. Aside from the time it takes, the distance between the two points is immaterial. Whether you buy a bus, train, plane, or helicopter ticket, if you buy it, chances are, youll figure out the rest along the way.

Advocating the purchase of an around the world ticket or moving to a foreign country with little to no funds would be foolish though for however near or far, traveling requires a multitude of decisions and at least a skeletal plan. While for some traveling comes easy, for others, overcoming the apprehension, fear, family issues, or other limiting beliefs is initially the most complicated step. For those willing to take risk, adventures await; a journey into the unknown.

When I moved to Thailand, the time was right. Having traveled to Canada, Mexico, the Bahamas, Great Britain, Belgium and the Netherlands, I had enough international travel experience to feel comfortable moving to the country. Before traveling to Europe, traveling to Asia was something I considered way out of my comfort zone and too much of a hassle. Despite my travels, I grew up sheltered and knew very little about the ways of the world.

They dont speak English in Thailand, how can I have fun when I cant understand their language and they cant understand mine? What an amazingly fucked up thought process.

At the time, I was working for myself and making decent money. Although I had created a business and enjoyed working for myself and the business I had created, I wanted less stress and more out of my life.

One of my customers happened to be a frequent visitor of Indonesia. After several long conversations in which he regaled me with stories of bringing back goods to sell to profit from his trip, I began to believe I too could jet halfway around the world. If it worked out, traveling once in a while would become my occupation and I would live happily ever after, with scantily clad Asian girls at my beck and call. Although I was interested in traveling to Indonesia, I had always wanted to go to Thailand to train in Muay Thai.

The Los Angeles Times ran travel ads every Sunday, and in the course of searching for a decent fare, I came across several companies in need of air couriers. Courier companies use passengers check-in baggage for their customers documents and in return allow you to travel for a highly reduced fare. The up side is a cheap fare, the downside is the courier company tells you what time to be at the airport, what time to depart, where to meet their representative in the airport and the date to return. Missing an appointment meant being blacklisted from their company and purchasing a new ticket at full fare. Being late or staying longer is not an option, but flying as a courier was a good gig and it was in my best interest to avoid screwing it up.

After a few days of searching, I found a Los Angeles based courier, Polo Express, and gave them a call. Initially, I had reservations, for flying as a courier almost sounded too good to be true, but after the companys representative answered my lengthy list of questions, I made arrangements to fly to Bangkok a week later. My first ticket, roundtrip from Los Angeles to Bangkok, cost just $200.

In the next year, I traveled to Bangkok four more times, once for $50, and visited Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai, Pattaya, Koh Samet and several other cities. I loved the energy of Bangkok and the laid back, Mai Pen Rai mentality of the Thais. My appetite for the country became insatiable and after the first three trips, my thoughts turned to moving to the country. There was very little holding me back, but I had yet to figure out how to earn a living while on the road.

One day, a light bulb went off, illuminating my path to Thailand. I would sell my business.

Without a profit and loss statement or balance sheet, I somehow finagled a deal with a friend in the printing industry. The business I had started with $500 sold for $34,000. There was still the problem of a continual income, but at least I had a chunk of money to tide me over. The plan was to buy a ticket to Thailand, take a year off from life and get reacquainted with myself, sans stress and the monotony of everyday life. The grind of life had taken its toll, I felt I was losing touch with who I was, and I needed a break.

The structure of the deal dictated I receive $10,000 up front and a $1000 a month for the next two years. No contract, no banks, no financing, just a handshake and a verbal agreement. Not the brightest move, but I wanted to get on the road and see the world.

As soon as I received the ten grand, I paid $700 for a return ticket from Los Angeles to Bangkok. Before leaving I sold, trashed, and gave away what I didnt want or couldnt carry. With all my worldly possessions in a suitcase, a duffel bag, and a small backpack, and no idea what lay ahead, I jumped on a jet and headed into the unknown.

Perhaps my naivet allowed me to make the move. Perhaps it was guts, or perhaps stupidity, but whatever the reason, I followed through and moved to Thailand. Where or how I would live, I did not know, but I had money to tide me over, and with any luck, I would figure out how to live in the country before the money ran out.

This was incredibly freeing; however, as I would later learn, no matter where you live, life has its share of vicissitudes and stressful situations. Sometimes the first step is the most important and most difficult. Getting over the fear of taking that first step ultimately determines if you run in place and go nowhere or forge ahead. If I failed, I could always return home and start over again.

Lady Thai

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher

***

I

The kid ordering coffee was speaking loudly, waving his arms up and down as he attempted to make his point to the girl standing beside him. For a moment, I thought of shutting him up with a hard smack to the back of his head, but the prospect of sitting in jail dissuaded me from doing so. He and his fat, zit-faced girlfriend were disturbing everyone in the coffee shop, enthralled in some silly conversation about who had cuter photos in their cell phones.