Synova Cantrell - Seriously Stupid Criminals 2

Seriously Stupid Criminals 2

BY:

Synova Cantrell

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without prior written consent of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations for reviewing purposes.

Unfortunately, these stories are true. Specific names have been eliminated to avoid further embarrassment on their behalf.

For more information check out www.synovaink.com

Printed in the United States of America

Copyright 2017 by Synova Cantrell

Note from Author:

I have spent many years teaching my children that the word stupid is not a nice thing to say about someone. Unfortunately, there is no other way of describing the embarrassing criminal escapades in this narrative. After spending hours searching the internet for the craziest stories, I decided to share them with you. I hope it brightens your day and makes you chuckle.

- Synova

#1: Fake Police Officer Stops Detective

Miami-Dade County, Florida April 2017:

A Florida detective arrests a 46-year-old man after the imposter tries to pull him over with a blue light, a siren, and a BB gun.

The official was driving an unmarked car north on I-95 when a Crown Victoria pulled up behind him. After a few moments, the officer heard a police siren and saw the flashing lights.

Thinking there was an emergency the officer pulled into the other lane to allow the car to pass. The car continued to follow close behind. Finally, the officer pulled over and got out of the car.

It only took a moment to realize that he had a police imposter on his hands. The man was arrested and admitted to stopping other vehicles dressed as a police officer.

Seriously? Come on Man! Do a little recon before pulling over your target. The article said the detective was in full uniform, so all it would have taken was a little bit of observation to see the man was an officer. Good grief.

#2 Marijuana dealer arrested wearing a hat with the word Weed on it.

It doesnt take much to assume this man was using his product. The Huffington Post reported this story back in 2014.

A man was pulled over for a minor traffic violation. This minor offense compounded greatly after the officer found $15,000 worth of Marijuana in the mans car.

Now the 32-year-old faces charges of illegal possession and distribution of a controlled substance.

Heres a tip. Maybe if you decide to do something illegal, you shouldnt advertise it on your forehead. Of course, this just my opinion.

#3 Trio steals donuts leaves cash

Late one Wednesday evening a trio of masked men burst into a Dunkin Donuts in Massachusetts. Armed with hatchets and knives they demand a large bag from the employee.

They make a clean get away, but soon realize the employee wasnt carrying a bag of money for the bank. He was carrying a large bag of stale donuts to the dumpster.

To make matters worse, the security cameras recorded the entire event and the men were arrested the very next day.

Ok guys. Really? Never assume. Never.

#4 Man assaults woman with pool noodle on the beach

Police arrest a man on a public Florida beach after he allegedly assaults a woman with a pool noodle over a rotten watermelon.

Yes, you read that correctly. This apparent genius carved a watermelon and left it on the beach to rot.

A female beachgoer saw that it was attracting bugs and threw it away only to have its owner barrel over and beat her with a pool noodle.

If that wasnt bad enough the big tough guy decided to punch the woman in the face. Of course, being a public beach someone noticed the ruckus and called the cops.

The rotten watermelon lover was arrested, charged with assault, and held on $1,000 bond.

Ok. Where do I start? Why carve a watermelon and leave it on the beach in the first place? Why beat someone over it? Seriously, if you need the release some extra testosterone-driven rage at least dont do it on a public beach. Moron!

If I oversaw the justice system, I would give the woman a pool noodle and let her beat on him awhile. Then, Id let the World Heavy Weight Champion punch him in the face and see how he likes it.

#5 Two men steal 14,000 of Nappy Cream

England has seen its fair share of stupid criminal stories, and this one takes the cake. Well, no. It takes the nappy cream.

Two men get high on cocaine and decide its a good idea to rob a lorry from an industrial estate. They stole two pallets of the rash cream and loaded them into a transit van.

They were arrested shortly thereafter and pleaded guilty to theft, driving without a license, and they both tested positive for cocaine.

Seriously? What in the heck would they do with two pallets of rash cream? Maybe they shouldnt send them to jail. They should send them to a doctor. That must be one serious rash.

#6 Man goes on a robbing spree while wearing house arrest ankle monitor

With 98 previous convictions, even his attorney said that he wasnt the sharpest tool in the box.

A British man was arrested in 2015 for committing three home robberies while wearing a GPS tracking device. To make matters worse, he had volunteered to wear it.

In a desperate attempt to change this career criminals life the police offered him an ankle monitor and a house arrest deal. He agreed, but continued to break into houses claiming there must be a glitch in the GPS system because he was at home with his mother.

His mother didnt lie for her son and readily admitted that he wasnt there. This along with the CCTV footage put the 33-year-old behind bars. Maybe, just maybe, he should stay there.

#7 Russian man steals massive drill by shoving it down his pants.

A Russian man decides to steal a massive power drill from a hardware store. The genius shoves it down his pants and tries to walk out of the store. Like no one would notice that?

I only mention this one to make the next story even more insane.

#8 Man steals python from pet store by shoving it into his pants

A Florida man stole a baby python by slipping it into his pants, but he didnt escape. The baby snake would be worth a large amount if sold, but the repeat offender was stopped by store staff.

First, how stupid do you have to be to put a snake in your pants? Second, why in heavens name would you rob the same place three times in nine months?

This isnt nice, but this guy deserves to be snake bit in the junk.

#9 Man breaks into home and gets stuck in the clothes hamper

Officers arrest an Arizona man in 2011 when he broke into the bathroom of a home. While climbing through the window, however, he fell into the clothes hamper and became stuck. After hearing the ruckus, the homeowner ran in and restrained the would-be robber until the police arrived.

The twenty-year-old was promptly arrested, and hopefully hung out to dry.

#10 Man robs several Subway restaurants because the Jered Diet failed him.

Officers arrest an 18-year-old man in Hueytown, Alabama in 2014. He was charged with a string of Subway restaurant robberies throughout the area.

The 200lb man claimed that he was disappointed by the Jered Diet and couldnt lose weight, so he decided to get his money back.

Torrance robbed four Subways within four days, but it was all caught on surveillance cameras. He was arrested and jailed on a $250,000 bond.

Oh, come on really? Can you imagine the chaos if every dieting woman in America thought like this? Wow.

#11 Murder suspect thinks the Murder tattoo on his neck might prejudice the jury.

A Kansas man is arrested and charged with first degree murder in 2014. His mug shot shows a massive tattoo across his neck. It reads one word; murder.

Now hes rethinking his ink choices and claims that this tattoo will hurt his case and sway the jury.

No duh! Ok that saying truly dates me, but thats the only comment that fits the story. I mean, really? Why would anyone tattoo murder across their neck anyways?