Workman Publishing - Damned If You Do... : The Outrageous Book of Bizarre Choices

DAMNED
If You Do... The outrageous book of bizarre choices Workman Publishing New York Contents Welcome to Our Twisted World of Bizarre Choices You are about to experience the worlds most exciting collection of questions and trivia. Its purpose is to inspire ridiculous, fun conversation and debate by asking you to choose between the two options provided. Questions can be used alone or with friendseven as a party game. We recommend that you choose your answer and then justify and defend it to the death. Therein lies the real humor of Damned If You Do... and therein lie the insights and windows into the twisted minds of your friends and family.

In addition, each question comes with trivia or jokes meant to enlighten you, to enrich debate, to amuse those waiting for a persons decision, or to mentally file away for later use when youre trying to impress attractive people. The rules: Abstinence is strictly forbidden! The phrases I wouldnt choose either, Neither one, Who cares? and/or I would rather die should never be uttered while discussing a Damned If You Do... question. No condiments, plastic surgery, or actions that change the spirit of the question may be added to a scenario. The bottom line is you must assume that you are forced to choose between the two options of each dilemma of unenjoyment as it is presented; you may not explain away the question by drowning everything in ketchup or resolving to have the ugly growth removed with plastic surgery. The jokes and trivia provided may not be used as a diversionary tactic to avoid making choices. And whatever you do, do not try to digest the contents of this book in one sitting.

Not only will you become nauseated and go completely numb with horrendous images, but more important, you will not be able to appreciate the crazy social dynamic that is created by spontaneously discussing these questions in moderation with your friends and acquaintances. The disclaimer: While some of these questions may paint a violent, risqu, shocking, nauseating, perplexing, sickening, or downright disturbing picture... they are not to be taken literally or meant to offend. Take them with a grain of salt. They are designed to make you think and engage in a lively discussion. Feel free to skip questions that are too vivid for your particular audience.

But regardless of your choices, please place yourself in the proper fun, social state of mind before discussing any question. Bear in mind that the authors of this book have not performed any of these stunts, and we strongly advise you to refrain from trying any actions described on the following pages. Neither the authors of this book nor its publisher shall be liable for any damage that may be caused or sustained as a result of conducting any of the activities in this book. Welcome to the world of
Damned If You Do... Warning:
Proceed with caution. This book is only for those with a twisted imagination. Be prepared to leave conventional thought behind and join the ranks of the demented and insane.

Would you rather... Chew on a wild rats severed tail for a half hour or thoroughly brush your teeth with a toothbrush from a prisons community toothbrush bowl? In the 1300s, rats carrying deadly fleason their tails, behind their ears, all over!brought the Black Plague to Europe, killing two-thirds of the continents population. The toothbrush was invented in prison. In 1770, London prisoner William Addis attached some bristles to a bone and the toothbrush was born. When released, he started a toothbrush business that was immediately successful. Atta boy, William! Would you rather...

Bite into a piece of chocolate and find it filled with maggots or filled with pus? Chocolate has been around since the Mayans had their heyday in South America. They called it the food of the gods. The Spanish took it back to Europe. At one point there were so many chocolate houses in England that they threatened the existence of the traditional English pub! Until the late 1800s, chocolate was consumed as a drink by wealthy males onlyit was considered unhealthy for women and children. Maggots are now an FDA-approved prescription treatment for wound cleaning because they consume dead tissue so efficiently. Pus is made up of a thin liquid called liquor puris, plus the white cellscalled leukocytesthat your body uses to clean its wounds.

Certain leukocytes, known as bacteriophages, eat the bacteria in the wound. Would you rather... Walk around all day with a dead mouse in your butt or a dead frog in your mouth? In Cleveland, Ohio, it is illegal to kill mice without a hunting license. (But theres nothing on the books about catching them with your butt.) Exterminators say: If you see one mouse in your house, there are probably a dozen more. The same ratio does not apply to seeing a dead mouse in your butt or a dead frog in your mouth. A group of mice is called a nest.

A group of frogs is called an army. Would you rather... Be constantly depressed or constantly afraid? Hes turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now hes miserable and depressed. David Frost Everyone has some fear.

A man who has no fear belongs in a mental institution. or on special teams. Walt Michaels, former New York Jets coach Would you rather... Be accused of discriminating against someone because of age or gender? There are about 20,000 age discrimination lawsuits filed with the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission per year. In 1984, after blaming slow mail delivery on all those stupid broads we have working in the Post Office now, Clarence Duffy, of the Dubuque, Iowa, Human Rights Commission, resigned his post. Would you rather...

Have a Texas accent and live in New York City or have a New York accent and live in Texas? In 1997, the ratio of New Yorkers bitten by rats to the number bitten by other New Yorkers was 1:7. That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and Im just the one to do it. A congressional candidate in Texas Texas has more tornadoes than any other state, with about 150 per year. There were 101 pedestrian fatalities in New York City in 2017, the lowest number since 1910. Would you rather... Have the CIA after you or have the Mafia after you? By then, Gold had learned in Washington that the CIA was recruiting mercenaries to fight in Africa.

He learned this at breakfast from his morning paper when he read: cia denies recruiting mercenaries to fight in africa.
Joseph Heller, Good as Gold Judges, lawyers, and politicians have a license to steal. We dont need one. Carlo Gambino Would you rather... As a man, live with a permanent eight-inch erection or a two-inch penis? If youre going to have a lifelong erection, its too bad youre stuck with the human penisits so boring! The pigs penis has a corkscrew tip; the rhinos is two feet long; and the porcupines, when erect, can shoot a seven-foot stream of pee. (Imagine if genetic cloning engineers combined all these penile traits into the worlds greatest penis. Itd be the Swiss Army Knife of penises.) The smallest erect human penis on record was one centimeter long.

Would you rather... Eat all your food liquefied and frozen, like a Popsicle or have strangers squish all your food like wine grapes with their perfectly clean but bare feet before you eat it? FDRs favorite food:
fried cornmeal mush President Dwight Eisenhowers:
prune whip Would you rather... Make your living by manufacturing sex toys or guns? In 2016, the United States had 32 times as many violent gun deaths per capita as Germany. Would you rather... Fall through the toilet hole in an outhouse or be temporarily trapped beneath a pile of dead animals? Ivanhoe, Virginia, August 18, 2000For three days, Coolidge Winesett sat mired in the five-foot-deep hole of a partially collapsed outhouse, alternately yelling for help and trying to cope with the stench. I tell you what, it was hard to get one breath down there, said Winesett, age 75.