Joan Collins - The World According to Joan

Also by Joan Collins

Memoirs:

Past Imperfect: An Autobiography (1978)

Katy: A Fight for Life (1982)

Second Act: An Autobiography (1996)

Non-fiction:

The Joan Collins Beauty Book (1980)

Portraits of a Star (1987)

My Secrets (1994)

Health, Youth and Happiness: My Secrets (1995)

My Friends Secrets (1999)

Joans Way: Looking Good, Feeling Great (2002)

The Art of Living Well: Looking Good, Feeling Great (2007)

Fiction:

Prime Time (1988)

Love and Desire and Hate (1990)

Too Damn Famous (1995)

Infamous (1996)

Star Quality (2002)

Misfortunes Daughters (2004)

Constable & Robinson Ltd
5556 Russell Square
London WC1B 4HP
www.constablerobinson.com

First published in the UK by Constable,
an imprint of Constable & Robinson Ltd., 2011

Copyright Joan Collins 2011

The right of Joan Collins to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A copy of the British Library Cataloguing in
Publication data is available from the British Library

ISBN 978-1-78033-386-1

Printed and bound in the EU

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For Percy, for always

I love expressing my opinions and ideas on paper, and for several years they have been published by the Spectator, The Times, the Daily Mail, Harpers Bazaar and many others. So when Constable & Robinson asked if I would consider gathering all those thoughts and opinions in a book, I was excited and said yes, immediately! Me? Giving my opinions no holds barred? Pen, be the tongue of my mind!

Of course, Ive had some practice, having already published two autobiographies, four beauty books, five novels and an inspirational book, but this one would be different.

I am what I am, so goes the song written by Jerry Herman and performed in the musical La Cage aux Folles by a female impersonator in drag. And what I am is an illusion. Ive often been accused of over-egging the pudding in the costume and make-up department but thats one of the illusions that form a part of what this person called Joan Collins is all about.

That is probably the illusion that the general public sees and remembers the most because spectacular dresses and sharp shoulder-padded suits from Dynasty have put that illusion firmly in their minds for ever.

My reality, as I write these words bare-faced, in jeans and a T-shirt is quite mundane but I think its a reality that the public doesnt choose to see. As the showbiz adage goes: thats not what they paid for.

I think they like the glamour girl called Joan Collins, even if they understand glamour is an illusion.

There is already an overabundance of reality in todays world; no secrets for those in the public eye, no hiding place for wrong doers. Everything and everyone is now laid bare for the public to dissect, gossip about and criticize, but now they do it more openly over the Internet and in the press just as they used to do over the garden fence in days of yore.

In spite of what you may think or may have read about me, I am actually quite a private person and luckily in the past twenty years since Dynasty finished, I have been able to live my life away from the glare of publicity for long stretches. A luxury that most people in my line of business can ill afford.

I dont have a full-time press representative so what comes out in the media aside from work related stuff is what is actually going on in my life: receiving an OBE from the Queen, enduring a dreadful court battle with Random House, going out and about with my friends and family and being happily married for the fifth (and definitely the last!) time to Percy Gibson.

Ive always been extremely frank, perhaps too much so. Often friends say to me sarcastically, Oh why dont you say what you mean, Joanie! Well Im afraid I usually do which is why I have been called opinionated, stubborn, obdurate, headstrong, prejudiced and politically incorrect. Perhaps I am, but I have now reached an age and a stage when I basically do what I like as much as I can, without trying to hurt anyone. For example, I admire Prince Philips unashamedly get on with it and sometimes politically incorrect attitude towards life and certain people!

I do not tolerate fools lightly, I cant stand being bored or being around bores and I try to live each day to the utmost with passion. I want every day to be a mini-lifetime, in which I achieve something and enjoy some thing. I try to step back sometimes and appreciate the smaller things in life that can add up to a wonderful whole. When I wake up and stretch, I feel how my whole body responds and enjoys the flexing and use of all those muscles. Then I smell the coffee its a great smell. I laugh at a cartoon in my daily paper or relish that first bite of toast and jam.

I make time for fun, and its not all wining, dining and jetsetting: a game of poker or Scrabble, a night out at the movies or dinner with friends. But I instigate it and am not one of those who waits to be asked. Thomas Jefferson said: I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have and George Bernard Shaw added, The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not. These are maxims I live by.

I dont agonize over past failures. Whats done is done. I dont cry over spilt milk. As Scarlett OHara said, Ill think about that tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. Onward. I keep on trying to reach my goals and potential. I make plans, even if they might be a touch unrealistic, and I dont give up ever. To believe in a beautiful future is one of the keys to being happy. As the Desiderata states, You are a child of the universe; no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Strive to be happy.

I want to make the most of every day. As our bard proclaimed, life isnt a rehearsal and it races by far too fast not to appreciate it. Therell be plenty of time to sleep when youre dead.

Im a woman who goes out and gets on with things. I am a doer and I dont sit around wondering what might have been. Crucially, I like myself, and if you dont like yourself not many people will. I dont self-recriminate or over-analyze and je ne regrette rien, as Edith Piaf sang.

I am an actress, a writer, a fashion designer. I have produced movies and designed interiors, clothes and jewellery. Ive launched my own line of jeans, hats, eye wear, lingerie, blouses and sportswear. Ive been the face of a beauty line when most people would tell you it was time to hide it. I adorned posters all over Manhattan for Alexis Bittar jewellery and walked the catwalk for the Red Dress Ball Charity last year. Ive had my own perfume and my face has been plastered over 700 magazine covers from the age of seventeen to just a few months ago.