Blank - White as snow: conquering sexual abuse and adultery through Christ

White As Snow

Conquering Sexual Abuse and Adultery through Christ

Shelly Blank

Copyright 2011 by Shelly Blank.

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-3325-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-3326-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-3324-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011961720

Printed in the United States of America

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/19/2011

Contents

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORDs favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zionto bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, for a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor (Isaiah 61:1-3, NIV).

For my husband, Russ, who would like me to put my words on the page: To help even one woman would be worth it. Thank you for the everlasting perseverancethat of Atretes! For Janet, my faithful, loyal friend who listened beyond human capabilities and loved and served like Jesus: thanks for being my reality check. For Vicky and Paula, who sat in the rocking chair on my front porch and served, listened, cried, and encouraged: I wouldnt have made it without all of you.

And for my Creator, my healer, my Savior: Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge (Psalm 73:25-26, 28a, NASB).

I once was given seven minutes to write down the names of all the villains, heroes, turning points, and successes in my lifeeach on a sticky note. Next I had to put them in chronological order. Finally, I had to analyze them, looking for any lies that might have taken root from those events and people during the course of my lifelies meaning anything that is not a biblical truth. This group exercise was designed to help develop a biblical worldview, as opposed to one that merely filters all life experiences through a secular worldviewthe worlds viewpoint. It was a powerful exercise.

I found myself focusing on mainly the villains in my lifewolves, as I have come to call them. I had plenty of painful experiences listed as well. After analyzing them, we were asked to share one lie with our group. I didnt want to share the really dark, painful stuff in such a public format, so I shared something I felt was pretty generic: when I was thirteen, my family was asked to leave our church. It was actually a profound event in my life, leaving me feeling Id never really measure up to the expectations of good Christians. I understood and knew that this belief was a lie, but I realized that in my heart, I actually still believed it. I also began to realize that this, such a fundamental fracture in my sense of truth, was only the tip of the iceberg. I was actually carrying around quite a collection of lies Id accumulated throughout my lifemany of which had taken deep roots. To really find them, I had to start at the beginning, and I had to finally come to terms with the wolves in my life.

* * *

When I look at pictures of myself as a little girl, I see a smiling, blonde, pudgy-cheeked little angel. Its funny how I grew up feeling the opposite. I wonder how a person can look one way on the outside and feel moldy on the inside. Brown eyes, big grin, dimples on my little girl handsand whenever I compared myself, no matter where I went, I felt somehow less than the freckled, fair-haired children I stood next to.

This is my story of hope and healing. In order to understand my recovery, though, first you have to know how it all beganwhere I came from and how I got myself in so deep. In my story, perhaps youll find a bit of your own.

If you are a Christian, you may find this book to be very comforting. I hope it communicates a message of freedom.

If you are not a Christian, you may think I am letting all the wolves out there off the hook. What I am hoping you find is that I am. Read on.

Look I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. Be wary as snakes and harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16, NLT).

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb How precious to me are our thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand (Psalm 139:13, 17-18a, NIV).

In many ways, my life started out very normallywhatever that is. I did a lot of happy little kid things and had a lot of good people in my life. Being a Montana girl, I lived in a safe neighborhood where I had a lot of freedom to roam. My best pal, Janet, lived next door. We took full advantage of that freedom, curiously exploring the nooks and crannies of our neighborhood every chance we had. We did a lot of investigating, and when we couldnt find anything good, we made stuff up.

Janet had big brown eyes; pale, perfect skin; full cheeks; and short, dark brown hair. She was adorable and painfully quiet, but the kind of kid youd want to pick up and squeeze and tickle. I was her blonde sidekick; I had dimples and brown eyes and was the more outgoing of the two. We were each the youngest in our families, so we were used to either a lot of attention or none at all as everyone got busy doing the things older people do.

Some of the adults on our block seemed fascinated by the two of us and were instantly friendly. Some neighbors ignored us or shooed us out of their backyards, while others welcomed the curious explorers. We eventually gained quite the reputation for snooping and for carrying out our various antics.

We became friends with an older couple down the street, Mr. and Mrs. Doves, when we were preschoolers. We visited them often. Actually, we just thought their house was intriguing. We were curious to see inside. They also had a beautiful teenaged daughter whom we admired and likened to a modern-day princess. Their home was much different than each of ours, as they only had one child. It was quiet, immaculate, and each of them was very patient with us as we shared our stories and asked all sorts of questions about their home and family. They tolerated us well.

There were other areas we explored as well. It always seemed we had a vast expanse of territory to roam and concoct our imaginary world in. In actuality, however, we had only four blocks. We ruled our little kingdom, though. Our school, Bitterroot Elementary, was just around the corner from our houses, which enabled us to identify every square inch of that building from the outside. We knew every neighbor, their children, and most pets between us and our school. Walking to school each day, we passed two ferocious beastlike dogs who nearly always tried to attack us from behind their tall wooden fence. We never actually saw them, but we knew they were gigantic, slobbering monsters with huge fangs. We walked faster as we went by the white fence, hoping this would not be the day they actually broke through the old slats.