Sam Heughan and Graham McTavish - Clanlands: Whisky, Warfare, and a Scottish Adventure Like No Other

Acknowledgements

Sam

Chrissie who gave me every opportunity, an idyllic childhood and ensured Scotland was my home.

To my wonderful agent Ruth who has guided me through a fun, roller-coaster career, Thea and Zoe at UA plus my fantastic American team at UTA: Theresa, Mike and Chris.

Alex, my patient/inspired business partner and all at Great Glen Company/MPC who work so hard to inspire our Peakers (thank you Peakers!) and support our brilliant charity partners.

Diana Gabaldon for creating the character that has changed my life, adding her words to this book, and for being a good friend.

Viewpoint, Hodder Briony and our passionate, dedicated, hardworking co-writer Charlie who has the same sense of humour as us!

My Outlander crew, co-stars and ginger friends what a family, love you all! Caitriona, I owe you.

The MIK/Clanlands crew, our fantastic guests, Sony (cheers Chris!) and Starz (Karen, for your guidance and great cooking!) for supporting us on this journey.

And of course, my bearded at times, reliably grumpy travel companion McTavish.

Slinte

Graham

In writing this book a twelve-year-old boy has seen his dream come true. I have too many people to thank, and Im sure I will forget to include some of them. To those people I beg forgiveness.

For my parents, and family. My wonderful kids and my wonderful love, Garance Dor. For Des Margetson for insisting I be in a school play, for Nigel Alexander for making my university life so rich in experience. For my late friend, Martin Graham-Scott who always believed in me, I wish you were here mate. For Alistair MacLean and Willard Price for helping me fall in love with reading. And for my teacher Mrs Pamela Grew who always encouraged me

For Richard Baron for directing me in some of the best theatre experiences of my life.

For Andrew Hinds for giving me a chance to fly solo on stage, and for Nick Pace for travelling around the world with our play about Vincent and Theo Van Gogh.

To Duncan LaCroix, Paul Kavanagh, Claire Edwards, Emma and Andy Quinn, Jason Connery, Nolan North, TJ Ramini, Aaron Rabin, Brian Benben, Chris Egan, Mark Hayford, Tessa Souter, Garth Ennis, Dougy Rao, Michael Glenn Murphy, Brian Blessed, Gwen Isaac, Stuart Robertson, and far too many others for being there and for laughing at my jokes. And to my trainers Nicky Holender and Tee Richards who have stopped me from falling apart physically.

For, among many others, Jack Shepherd, David Winning, Robin Hardy, Sylvester Stallone, Peter Jackson, Richard Wilson, the marvellous, late, Terry Jones, and Brian Cox for taking a chance on me.

And, of course, to the wonderful Charlotte Reather, and our stellar editor, Briony Gowlett, Zoe Ross at United Agents, and Cheri Barner my manager for being the best team anyone could hope for in making this book possible. I sincerely thank each one.

For all the above, truly, this has been written thanks to your love, guidance, patience and humour.

And finally, for Sam Heughan for calling me that day, for quite simply being the best companion on this journey (if not always the best driver) and for dragging this grumpy bloke out of his comfort zone. Heres to the next time.

And now for something completely different...

Sams Scottish Slang

Face like a well-skelpt arse referring to someone with a face similar to someones gluteus maximus, which has been spanked repeatedly. Grahams expression after Ive pissed him off one too many times.

Gie it laldy give something a beating/give something 100%. The optimal speed at which to drive the camper van.

Pure dead brilliant exceptional. Like my whisky.

Lang may yer lum reek good health (may your chimney stink for a long time?!). Grahams has reeked for a long time.

Yer heids up yer arse not physically possible but certainly a descriptive way to describe someone that doesnt agree with you.

Bampot a rather foolish fellow.

Heid the baw again, someone that is a right daftie.

Glaikit not very intelligent, devoid of intellect.

Bawbag mans genitalia can be an insult or a term of endearment.

Cludgie toilet. The one on the camper van, however, was used for carrying assorted Scottish goods and a secret whisky stash.

Mad wi it drunk/wasted or to party on a night out.

Nae danger no chance.

Haud yer wheesht shut it.

Yer a chancer youre pretty dodgy but I like you.

Taps aff take off your clothing and burn as much as possible in the sun, similar to suns out, guns out (rare in Scotland, usually a week or two in summer).

Can o juice/can o ginger juice is anything non alcoholic and fizzy, ginger is Scotlands other national drink: IRN BRU impossible to describe the taste but the Scots swear by it for a hangover. When they tried to change the recipe and make it more healthy with less sugar, there was a national outcry.

Ya fanny you are a rather ridiculous fool.

Scunnered very confused.

THE WISDOM OF WENDY

Face like a careless beekeeper

If yer maw had baws shed be yer da

Bigger bum than ten arses

Keep the heid or youll lose the baw

Banging away like a Salvation Army drum

You rip ma knittin

Thats enough tae gie yer arse the toothache

Kick the eyes oot a spider wi they stilettos

Overheard comment from Johnny Beattie whilst a woman was telling a long story:

Do you get a pie wi that story, hen?

Author bios

Sam Heughan is an award-winning actor and philanthropist, best known for his starring role as Jamie Fraser in the hit TV show Outlander . From his early days at the Royal Court Theatre to his most recent role in the hit action film Bloodshot , Sam has enjoyed a career in theatre, television and film spanning almost two decades. With his growing success and fame, Sam has also lent his voice and platform to raise funds and awareness for many notable charities, including Marie Curie UK and Blood Cancer UK. In recent years he has raised over $5 million for blood cancer research, hospice care and testicular cancer awareness education. Due to his outstanding contribution to charitable endeavours and artistic success he was bestowed by the University of Glasgow and the University of Stirling with an honorary doctorate in 2019.

Graham McTavish has been acting for over 35 years in theatre, film and television. On film and TV he is best known for his roles as Dougal MacKenzie in Outlander , the fierce Dwarf Dwalin in The Hobbit trilogy, and AMCs cult show Preacher as the Saint of Killers. He has performed in theatre all over the world from the Royal Court Theatre in London to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. He is delighted that the dream of his 12-year-old self to be a published author has finally come true!

Charlotte Reather is a Sunday Times No.1 bestselling co-writer, Charlotte is a leading country lifestyle journalist, humorous columnist, comedy writer and mother of two fabulous, feisty daughters.

charlottereather.com / @charlottereather

CHAPTER EIGHT

Sleep No More!

GRAHAM as Macbeth:

Methought I heard a voice cry, Sleep no more!

McHeughan does murder sleep the innocent sleep,

Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care,

The death of each days life, sore labours bath,

Balm of hurt minds, great natures second course,

Chief nourisher in lifes feast.

Macbeth: Act Two, Scene Two

SAM

Less Bear Grylls, more Teddy McTavish, Graham crawls slowly out of his tent into the morning light of Glen Etive. Damp with dew, he is broken and alone.

Until I turn up. Honking the un-macho horn on the wagon of despair.

Morning Graham! I yell, parking the beast next to the rest of the gathering crew. Its time to pack up and get going because we have a long, action-packed day ahead.