James Rolfe - A Movie Making Nerd

Contents

FORWARD BY APRIL ROLFE

When I met James years ago (2004), he was a recently graduated film nerd who made niche horror shorts in the nooks and crannies when he wasnt manning the liquor store till or searching for a real job as recent college graduates are expected to do. Angry Video Game Nerd and YouTube were in their infancy. That kind of instant and easy exposure was unheard of at the time, but even then everyone who knew him seemed acutely aware that he was bound for greatness and exuded pride in him and his craft. And soon, I too knew deep in my bones that his passion for filmmaking would yield him great success. It was intense and undeniable.

Every milestone of his life and our lives together is directly associated with a Cinemassacre endeavor. Rocky spoofs and toilet monsters were the totems of our early years together. His filmography on the TV minutes into our second date. His parents, grandpa and sister seemed to tell every story about James childhood as if through the lens of a camera. Every new friend or family member I met knew what I quickly came to understand and what I maintain as truth to this day: James is the real fucking deal. He eats, breathes and diarrhea dumps filmmaking. The art of making movies is synonymous with his soul. He is unapologetically authentic and has worked relentlessly, belief unfaltering in his passion and deserves every ounce of his success.

Im sorry to ruin the ending of the book for you, but that is the key to all of it. Be a dragon for your dreams. Im here to tell you, James has mastered this and has put it all out there for you to absorb, witness and be entertained by. A slightly more personal

extension of the films and videos hes known for. A glimpse into the real life of a moviemaking nerd. Genuine and transparent as his personality, this book is a manual for guiding a life by passion. The highs, the lows and everything in between. Its his legacy, his contribution to the world and his lifes purpose. Enjoy.

-April Rolfe

INTRO

So youre interested in my life story? Im flattered anyone would want to read this. Its about life in general, but the main topic here is filmmaking and of the struggles and challenges I faced on this neverending quest. I hope youll find this entertaining, or even inspiring, and that it may serve as advice or guidance to those pursuing careers similar to mine. Ive included funny stories from my life intended to get a laugh, as well as those about growing up, learning from mistakes and of all the personal issues Ive left behind. In general, its about important experiences that have affected my life. The good. The bad. Everything.

Big THANKS to my wife April for all her sacrifices and dedication. For playing a huge part of this story, and helping my career behind-the-scenes. She made it possible to do what I do, and be where I am today. Without her, I would not have made it this far.

Thanks to my parents for raising me, through all my difficulties, sending me to college, and supporting my career all the way. Thanks to the rest of my family, including Mom and Dad #2 (Aprils parents) and to all my friends through the years. Thanks to everyone who has worked with me on videos and whether your name is mentioned in this book or not, I greatly value your contribution to my life. Thanks to all the fans for making my dreams a reality. And most importantly, thanks to my kids for being awesome and they shall be the new story of the future.

-James Rolfe

Chapter I

CHILDHOOD

DRAGONS AND DREAMS

I was inside my baby carriage, being pushed through the park by my mother. I watched the tree branches passing over me, a canopy of pretty leaves, with patches of sky. All was quiet and serene.

Next, I found myself in a tiny pool, with water up to my waist. I splashed around playfully. The water was showering down from the mouth of a dragon water spout made of concrete, towering above me. Its long green neck rose maybe feet from the pool, with dorsal fins going up its back to the top of its head in a mohawk fashion. It stared blindly through hollow eyes, its nostrils flaring as water drizzled from its red lips.

Otherwise, it was a typical scene. There were slides, seesaws, swings and picnic tables. Everything youd expect to see in a park, but something was missing. There were no other kids. Not a single person in sight. Just the dragon, looming over me. Where was my mom? I was all alone. I turned around, scanning the distance.

There was nothing but trees, enclosing the scene. All was quiet. I could hear no birds, no dogs barking, nothing. Then one lone sound pierced the silence. Bells from a nearby church. As if time was ticking down. Something was about to happen.

I looked up. The dragons head was much closer than before. Its eyes fixated on me, its neck lurching forward! Its mouth opened, showing off rows of sharp teeth! I screamed! Then everything went pitch black.

I woke up, crying into my pillow. My mom came into the room and turned on the light. She told me I was just having a nightmare. I was only a baby and hadnt yet even grasped the concept of a nightmare. Theres a first time for everything. Whether or not it actually was my first nightmare, the fact remains its the oldest event from my life I can remember. It was my earliest known experience with the haunting power of imagination: something that would eventually become my most valuable tool.

I was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, in 1980 and the first years of my life were spent in agonizing fear of the ghastly terrors that lurk inside the mind, like monsters in the closet. Most people seem to have had at least one recurring nightmare. For me, it was definitely the dragon of the park.

The truth is, it wasnt just a nightmare. The park was a real place and the dragon water spout actually existed. It was in the Foxchase area of Philadelphia, a few blocks from my parents

apartment, my first home. Nearby was the church where I was baptized (though I was never religious). That would probably explain the toll of the bells in the dream. Not too far from there stood the hospital where I was born. The park seemed to be the central location, where my true personality was actually born. Mom tells me I played next to the dragon daily. I wasnt afraid of it. I loved it. But I guess things change when the lights go out at night.

The odd thing is that my memory of the nightmare is more vivid than the real place. My brain insists the dragon was really alive. Then why did I keep going back to the park? I guess were drawn to the things that frighten us.

Another major recurring nightmare I had was E.T. from the Spielberg film. But in my dreams, it was the dead chalk-colored E.T. from the scene where hes dying. This evil zombie E.T. stood about feet tall, and his neck could stretch infinitely.

My bedroom was on the second floor. He would stand outside and stare through my window, right at me. His neck would stretch into the room, his face coming closer. I would hide underneath my blankets and pray hed go away. Id hear him whisper Im ... going ... to ... kill ... you in the same voice as his famous E.T phone home