Hope Virgo - Stand Tall Little Girl: Facing Up to Anorexia

Adam Shaw: a mental illness survivor/mental health advocate and Lauren Callaghan: an innovative, industry-leading clinical psychologist, are the founders of the global mental health publishing enterprise, Pullingthetrigger. With their TV appearances and global education programmes, Adam, Lauren and their amazing team are helping more people around the world understand, recover from, and talk about their mental health issues.

The Pullingthetrigger range user-friendly self-help books with an innovative approach to supporting sufferers recovering from mental health issues.

Theinspirationalseries remarkable, real-life stories of men and women who have overcome mental illness to lead fulfilling lives.

Why have we called our books Pullingthetrigger?

Many things can trigger mental health issues. So what do you do if something makes you feel bad? You stay away from it, right?

I bet youve been avoiding your triggers all your life. But now we know that avoiding your triggers only makes things worse. So heres the game changer: You need to learn how to pull those triggers instead of running away from them - and our Pullingthetrigger series shows you how. Your recovery is within reach, we promise.

This is more than recovery, its a way of life.

Adam Shaw & Lauren Callaghan.

First published in Great Britain 2017 by Trigger Press

The Foundation Centre
Navigation House, 48 Millgate, Newark
Nottinghamshire NG24 4TS UK

www.trigger-press.com

Copyright Hope Virgo 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing from the publisher

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available upon request from the British Library

ISBN: 978-1-911246-15-2

This book is also available in the following e-Book formats:

MOBI: 978-1-911246-18-3
EPUB: 978-1-911246-16-9
PDF: 978-1-911246-17-6

Hope Virgo has asserted her right under the Copyright, Design and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work

Cover design and typeset by Fusion Graphic Design Ltd

Project Management by Out of House Publishing

Printed and bound in Great Britain by TJ International, Padstow

Paper from responsible sources

By Hope Virgo

We are proud to introduce Theinspirationalseries. Part of the Pullingthetrigger family of innovative self-help mental health books, Theinspirationalseries tells the stories of the people who have battled and beaten mental health issues. For more information visit: www.pulling-the-trigger.com

Hope Virgo suffered with anorexia for four years before being admitted to hospital in 2007. She was hospitalised for a year, and since being discharged has fought to stay well. Hope now lives and works in London and has a keen interest in fitness and maintaining good mental health. She enjoys running marathons, and has now a much healthier perception of food. It means that after years of fixating on the calorific content of everything, Hope can relax and enjoy what she eats. She is standing tall and looking to the future with confidence.

Thank you for purchasing this book.
You are making an incredible difference.

All of Theinspirationalseries products have substantial
enterprising and philanthropic value and generate proceeds that
contribute towards our global mental health charity,
The Shaw Mind Foundation

We aim to bring to an end the suffering and despair caused
by mental health issues. Our goal is to make help and support
available for every single person in society, from all walks of life.
We will never stop offering hope. These are our promises.

Pulling the Trigger and The Shaw Mind Foundation

The Shaw Mind Foundation (www.shawmindfoundation.org) offers unconditional support for all who are affected by mental health issues. We are a global foundation that is not for profit. Our core ethos is to help those with mental health issues and their families at the point of need. We also continue to run and invest in mental health treatment approaches in local communities around the globe, which support those from the most vulnerable and socially deprived areas of society. Please join us and help us make an incredible difference to those who are suffering with mental health issues. #letsdostuff.

Dedicated to all those who are suffering, keep fighting.

Anorexia / anorexia

Throughout this book, we refer to anorexia (with a lower case a) and Anorexia (with an upper case A). Because anorexia is not a proper noun, it isnt usually written with a capital A. But Hopes Anorexia was such a potent part of her life that it was like her best friend. So when she talks about it, Hope refers to it as her Anorexia.

Disclaimer: Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Do you ever get the feeling that youre in deep and sinking? That youre in way over your head and out of your depth? Screams bleating, you teeter, topple, flop, crippled with doubt, and there aint no way in hell youll ever figure this out.

I stood in the hospital doorway, my hair thinning, my skin a yellowish colour. I was wearing a short denim skirt and a pink jumper that drowned me. Tears were welling in my eyes as Mum signed me in. I begged her to let me come home. I just wanted one more chance.

I promised I would begin to eat. But Mum couldnt take any more of my lies. I hated her then, and everyone around me. I couldnt understand why they were interfering in my life. Yes, I had lost a bit of weight, but I wasnt that skinny. I was nowhere near thin enough to die

The last week flashed before my eyes. My heart had nearly stopped. An emergency ECG had showed that it was losing muscle fast. And still my weight kept on dropping. If I didnt start to eat soon, I would die. It was that simple.

We sat in one of the family rooms at the Riverside Unit in Bristol and talked about my history. My parents bickered. Nothing anyone said seemed to matter. Then I was taken next door and weighed. I wondered if the scales would be accurate. Would they show how good at anorexia I was? Did it mean I was a successful anorexic now that I was being told my heart was about to fail?

For the first time in years, my anger drained away and I was afraid.