Tina McGuff - Seconds to Snap: One Explosive Day. A Family Destroyed. My Descent into Anorexia.

I was woken by a tap on my shoulder. Blinking open my eyes, I saw it was Dave, our family friend and neighbour. Dave? The light from the landing streamed in behind his tall frame. What is Dave doing in my room? Where is my mum? Am I dreaming?

Very calmly he leaned into me and said in a soft voice: There has been an accident. Get your sisters and come with me.

I nodded, to show I understood but, all of a sudden, I felt scared Dave already had my three-year-old sister Celine in his arms, fast asleep, and he stood waiting as I roused my two other sisters, who were in the double bed next to mine. Each looked confused and bleary-eyed as I gave them a little shake and then, once we were all up, standing in the middle of the room, barefoot in our Tinker Bell nighties, Dave led us across the landing to the stone spiral staircase with white steel balustrades.

Whats happening? whispered my ten-year-old sister, Katie, clinging to my left arm as if she wanted to pull it off. Sophie, just seven, held onto my right arm with equal force, still too numb with sleep to speak.

I dont know, but dont worry, I tried to reassure her in my calm, adult voice. Everythings going to be okay, I promise.

As we walked slowly down the cold stone stairs I saw four policemen staring at us all with pity and sadness in their eyes and two people in ordinary clothes. What is happening? Why are they here and where is Mum and Dad?

Suddenly, I noticed the red bloody handprints on the white-painted doorway and my heart began to race. Once at the bottom of the stairs, I went to walk through to the hall to get my school uniform but a police officer stood in my way.

Dave called out behind me: Forget the clothes, well come back for those.

Now I saw more blood marks on the doorframe they were everywhere. What happened here? Where are Mum and Dad? At that moment, everything felt so strange and wrong I couldnt help myself. I burst into tears and ran out of the house.

Outside, the cool summer night enveloped me. Cold and damp with the heavy scent of darkness, it wrapped me up like a blanket and for a moment I stopped crying. I just stood there on the pavement, my chest heaving. Each sister ran up behind me then grabbed my hand again. I couldnt let them see me like this I couldnt let them down; I knew Dave was depending on me to keep them calm. But as we crossed the road to Daves parents-in-laws flat opposite our own flat, I could feel myself shaking inside.

Dave and Suzie were our parents good friends, and Suzies parents, Maria and Alfonso, lived right across the road from us in a lovely flat. But I didnt see them it was Suzie who met us at the front door and exchanged a quick, worried glance with Dave. They led us quietly up the stairs and into the spare room, showing us to the large double bed, where the others climbed in and immediately snuggled down under the large fluffy duvet.

Dont worry, she whispered to me as I looked at them questioningly. Well take Celine back to ours tonight. Your parents are okay and youll see them soon. Well explain everything in the morning. Just try and get some sleep now.

Then they crept out of the room and shut the door carefully behind them. Climbing into the big bed beside my sisters, I wrapped a protective arm around each one. I held them tightly, trying not to imagine the horrors that might have happened in my house and prayed my parents were indeed okay.

The room was light with the moon shining through the thin curtains. Maria had recently had it fitted with cream furniture and the place smelled like new wood. The walls were dotted with family pictures and religious paintings of Jesus and the Virgin Mary. I looked at the pictures and silently prayed to God, asking Him to make sure that my mum and dad were okay. I felt safe in this flat Maria and Alfonso were kind, loving people who ran a fish-and-chip shop, where I often helped out at weekends. When we finished our late shift, I would often stay here overnight so as not to disturb my parents, so this place was familiar to me. Their flat, and especially this room, felt warm and comforting. But my mind was a whir. For a long while, I just lay awake, staring at the pictures on the walls, listening to the sounds of my sisters soft breathing beside me.