Candy Palmater - Running Down a Dream

Running Down a Dream

Copyright 2022 by Denise Tompkins.

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Published by HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

Front cover photo by Dustin Rabin / CBC Licensing

FIRST EDITION

EPUB Edition OCTOBER 2022 EPUB ISBN: 978-1-4434-5510-7

Version 08232022

Print ISBN: 978-1-4434-5509-1

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Still I Rise from And Still I Rise: A Book of Poems by Maya Angelou, copyright 1978 by Maya Angelou. Used by permission of Random House, an imprint and division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication information

Title: Running down a dream : a memoir / Candy Palmater.

Names: Palmater, Candy. author.

Description: First edition.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20220278377 | Canadiana (ebook) 20220278407 | ISBN 9781443455091 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781443455107 (EPUB)

Subjects: LCSH: Palmater, Candy. | LCSH: EntertainersCanadaBiography. | LCSH: ComediansCanadaBiography. | LCSH: Television personalitiesCanadaBiography. | LCSH: Television actors and actressesCanadaBiography. | CSH: First Nations womenCanadaBiography. | LCGFT: Autobiographies.

Classification: LCC PN2308.P35 A3 2022 | DDC 792.092dc23

LSC/H 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For my family, living and dead.

I love you and will be forever in your debt.

I rise

I rise

I rise

Maya Angelou, Still I Rise

T he work Candy and I did together really wasnt work at all; it was a kind of honour, a healing, a sharing of Candy with the world. She was a very special human who gave more than she received, and gave wholeheartedly, never seeking reciprocation. It seemed her proverbial well of energy and light never drained. It is strange when someone of great significance departs our world yet leaves behind precious treasure. This treasure is the lasting gift of her love, kindness, laughter, intelligence, tenacious spirit and tenderness, and her uncanny ability to hold space for audiences of all sizes and to remember every person she met. Candy was a true medicine woman. Her heart expanded to accommodate people, and she never said no to anyone who needed her. I never fully understood the immensity of Candy, even after twenty-two years as her life and business partner, until now that I am navigating my life without her.

I miss the late-night discussions we would have, often heated, deep and tender. Nighttime was always the safest space to unlock our thoughts and feelings and help one another navigate the complications and confusions of life. To her fans, family and friends, Candys life appeared easy, and while it was fun, it was far from easy. Candy lived with chronic pain for many years. While hiding the suffering when out in public, she experienced terrible physical agony privately. I was there for her. Her indomitable personality blocked the suffering most times, and she always told me that the energy of other people was healing to her, helping her to forget the intense pain. The excitement of entertaining, speaking or being on set and onstage, was her medicine. Only I knew the truth of her pain, and that no matter how much Candy may have soaked in everyones energy, she worried there was never enough time to get it all done. And she was right. Candy passed away suddenly at home on December 25, 2021. She had finished writing the manuscript and was working on final edits of this book.

I regret that you wont have the chance to meet her, to see her in her element, to simply be in her presence and fall in love with her beautiful, giving spirit. She was a magnificent force, a beacon of hope. Candy was the love and light in this dark world.

Candy was a strong advocate for so many people. She focused a large amount of her life on helping humans to think outside the box, to love ourselves and one another unconditionally. She travelled as far as New Zealand to provide lessons of personal strength, growth and teamwork. The people at the many schools, colleges, universities, unions and all levels of government where she spoke felt her powerful message of love and kindness through her incredible, candid stories of adversity.

There is so much to say about this unique, special rhinestone of a person, a precious gem that left us way too soon. That early Christmas morning, moments before her death, we had a wonderful exchange of love and gratitude. (We always rose early on Christmas, and I am so glad to have risen that day.) I put on the coffee, as I always did before taking out Pearl, our dog. She was relaxing in bed with book open, all smiles and happiness, peacefully reading, as was her favourite pastime. I left with Pearl for a total of six minutes, and when we returned, I expected to see her in her chair near the Christmas tree. She wasnt there. I called out, no answer. I went to her and she was already gone. Just like that. Like the wind came in and stole her soul.

This memoir is one of her many legacies. Here, Candy shares the personal stories of her earlier years that helped mould her to be the strong, vivacious, sensual woman she fully was. It will help you get to know her deeply and understand how remarkable this human wasa gifted person, and an all-around special human being.

Denise Tompkins, Candys widow and manager

April 2022

I am a queer, Indigenous, recovered-lawyer-turned-feminist comic who was raised by bikers in the wilds of northern New Brunswick. Im fifty-two years old, and it has been one hell of a crazy ride so far.

Since my early thirties, I have been asked numerous times to write a memoir. I always resisted because I felt that I was too young, and I couldnt see how reading my story would be of benefit to anyone. Even if my experiences were extreme, I felt I needed the wisdom of age and perspective to put them in context in a way that would benefit you, dear reader. Now, however, I am fifty-two and I have come to a place in life where I think my story can be helpful. Dont get me wrong: this is no self-help book. You will be scandalized, you will be shocked and you will be entertained, but I think you will also be enlightened. You may find some solace in the bad decisions Ive made, and you may find you share more in common with me than you think.

There are three major truths in life that I will explore and revisit all through this book. They are true for me and I believe they are true for you as well.

1. Its never too late.
2. You will fail.
3. You are enough.

A true understanding of these three concepts has enabled me to live an extraordinary life, on my own terms and avoiding boredom and conformity along the way. And maybe, if you embrace these truths, you can, too.

I have, for as long as I can remember, defined success on my own terms as opposed to accepting societys definition. For me, success can be measured by two things: happiness and love. Am I happy most of the time? If not, its time for a change. For example, I ended my law career to pursue comedy in my early thirties. (Imagine that call home to Mom and Dad.) I did it because practising law was making me