Suzanne Farrell - Holding On to the Air: An Autobiography

Holding On to the Air

Florida A&M University, Tallahassee

Florida Atlantic University, Boca Raton

Florida Gulf Coast University, Ft. Myers

Florida International University, Miami

Florida State University, Tallahassee

New College of Florida, Sarasota

University of Central Florida, Orlando

University of Florida, Gainesville

University of North Florida, Jacksonville

University of South Florida, Tampa

University of West Florida, Pensacola

Holding On to the Air

AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY BY

Suzanne Farrell

with Toni Bentley

University Press of Florida

GAINESVILLE / TALLAHASSEE / TAMPA / BOCA RATON / PENSACOLA / ORLANDO / MIAMI / JACKSONVILLE / FT. MYERS / SARASOTA

Copyright 1990 by Suzanne Farrell

Preface to 2002 edition copyright 2002 by Suzanne Farrell

Letters by George Balanchine copyright 1990 by the George Balanchine Trust

First published 1990 by Summit Books, Simon & Schuster

Published 2002 by University Press of Florida

Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper

All rights reserved

19 18 17 16 15 14 9 8 7 6 5 4

PHOTO CREDITS

4, Lewis J. OBrien

5, 11, 14, 15, 16, 17, Martha Swope

6, 7, 10, Fred Fehl

8, Cecil Beaton photograph courtesy of Sothebys, London

9, copyright Time, Inc., reprinted with permission

21, W. Reilly

22, 23, 25, 26, Paul Mejia

24, 34, 35, Lloyd Fonvielle

27, Costas

28, 29, 30, 32, 33, 37, Paul Kolnik

31, Keystone

36, Elliott Erwitt

38, Steven Caras

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

Farrell, Suzanne, 1945

Holding on to the air: an autobiography / Suzanne Farrell with Toni Bentley.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-8130-2593-3 (pbk.: alk. paper)

1. Farrell, Suzanne, 1945 . 2. Ballet dancersUnited StatesBiography. 3. BallerinasUnited StatesBiography. I. Bentley, Toni. II. Title.

GV1785.F37 A3 2002

2002020448

The University Press of Florida is the scholarly publishing agency for the State University System of Florida, comprising Florida A&M University, Florida Atlantic University, Florida Gulf Coast University, Florida International University, Florida State University, New College of Florida, University of Central Florida, University of Florida, University of North Florida, University of South Florida, and University of West Florida.

University Press of Florida

15 Northwest 15th Street

Gainesville, FL 326112079

http://www.upf.com

Contents

Preface to the 2002 Edition

Belief: Conviction of the truth of some statement or the reality of some being or phenomenon esp. when based on examination of evidence.

Merriam Websters Collegiate Dictionary

GEORGE BALANCHINE was the most influential person in my lifeand I believed in him. Ideally, my performing career would have ended before his death. My reason for writing this autobiography was that I hoped it would help me to survive his death and the unspeakable loss of my soulmate. Working on the book and revisiting my life kept me busy and grounded for a year after my retirement.

Of the enormous legacy Balanchine has left to thousands, the most crucial for me was his philosophy of Now... Dont save! Though I always danced this philosophy, it became the single most important factor in helping me live not only in his absence but also with my retirement. Now it seemed obvious that the next step would be to impart all those lessons, stories, ballets, teachings, and osmotic understandings that were shared by George and me to the dancers of the New York City Ballet. It was not to be.

In July 1993, I was fired by Peter Martins, coballet master of the company. He spoke through the company manager, who called me and said that Peter questioned my ability to teach and therefore could not justify my salary. I was devastated and desolate. Now what? My home, family, company, and employment had been abruptly taken away.

However, Balanchine could never be taken away from me. He had called me his muse. If I could inspire him in his lifetime, I believed he would conspire with me in his afterlife. Stillhow, when, and where that would happen were unknown. Balanchine often said to us in class, You will all open ballet schools one day and teach! We all giggled because when you are a dancer those thoughts are so far from your mind.

Serendipitously, in 1993 James D. Wolfensohn, chairman of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, invited me to conduct a series of master classes for students of my choosing from the Washington, D.C., and surrounding Maryland and Virginia areas. The initiative was sponsored by Wolfensohn, and the students only responsibility was to attend all eight classes. This modest project proved so successful that in 1995 the Kennedy Center enlarged the program to the national level. The intensive three-week program, Exploring Ballet with Suzanne Farrell, takes place every summer.

Largely through the efforts of Barbara Horgan, Balanchines personal assistant, the Balanchine Trust had been founded in 1987. This independent organization was created by his heirs to oversee the worldwide licensing and production of his ballets. I became one of the Trusts rptiteurs, and by 1995 had staged sixteen of his ballets throughout the world. This work culminated in an invitation to stage a week-long season of Balanchine for the Kennedy Centers twenty-fifth anniversary in October 1995.

I engaged soloists from the American and international companies Id worked with before, as well as local dancers. The resulting ensemble had the appearance of a refreshing new company, and the press deemed it a triumph. I relished the work-all-day/little-sleep-nights, reminiscent of my performing days with Mr. B.

Ever since the first publication of Holding On to the Air, Hollywood has expressed interest in my book. Certainly my life had celebrations and catastrophes big enough for the big screen, but I was not about to consign it to a movie makeover. I did, however, work with the independent filmmakers Anne Belle and Deborah Dickson on a documentary, Suzanne FarrellElusive Muse, which was nominated for an Academy Award in 1997.

When my husband and I divorced in 1998, it was again work that would balance my life. I got as far away as possible and worked in Moscow with the Bolshoi Ballet. During 1998 and 1999, I staged Mozartiana, the last ballet Balanchine choreographed, and Agon, the 1957 masterpiece of collaboration between Stravinsky and Mr. B. For some reason, it was important to me that the dancers from Georges birthplace have the good fortune to dance his ballets and to realize his genius before the end of his century.

Although I had not consciously calculated a strategy for having my own company, it seemed as though I might be destined for one. Certainly, Balanchine had shown me how a company should be run, artistically and successfully. I had sat for many hours in the dark auditorium of the New York State Theater listening to conversations Mr. B was having with the costume designer, with the lighting designer about trying new effects, and with management about programming and touring schedules. Listening and learning and remembering.

All this came into play when the Suzanne Farrell Ballet became a full-fledged company in association with the Kennedy Center in the fall of 2000. Our first two seasons included appearances in Washington, D.C., New York City, and regional tours, with a repertory of ballets by Balanchine, Maurice Bjart, and Jerome Robbins.