Andrea N. Richesin - Because I Love Her

I no longer have fantasiesthey are the

unhealed childs fantasies, I thinkof some

infinitely healing conversation with her, in

which we could show all our wounds,

transcend the pain we have shared as mother

and daughter, say everything at last.

From Of Woman Born by Adrienne Rich

INTRODUCTION
Andrea N. Richesin

THE MOTHER LOAD
Jacquelyn Mitchard

THINGS TO REMEMBER NOT TO FORGET
Katherine Center

RADICAL PROMISES
Anne Marie Feld

THE HEART SPEAKS
Sheila Kohler

GARDEN VARIETY MOTHERING
Catherine Newman

MY MOTHER AT FIFTY
Joyce Maynard

BEYOND THE FAMILY PARTY FACE
Ericka Lutz

MOTHER-DAUGHTER THERAPY
Julianna Baggott

CUTTING THE PURSE STRINGS
Heather Swain

A WILLING SACRIFICE
Mary Haug

THE WHOLE POINT OF MOTHERHOOD
Barbara Rushkoff

IN THE OFFING
Tara Bray Smith

POISON PENS
Gayle Brandeis

NOT THE DAUGHTER SHE HAD IN MIND
Ann Hood

FORGIVE ME
Elise Miller

VINNIE AND INKY AND MARGARET AND ME
Ayun Halliday

A WELL-EARNED SOAK
Catherine Crawford

THIS IS WHAT MATTERS
Ellen Sussman

OTHER PEOPLES MOTHERS
Katrina Onstad

SAY YOU, SAY ME
Emily Franklin

NOTHING ELSE SEEMS AS TRUE AS THIS
Calla Devlin

A GIRL GROWS IN BROOKLYN
Sara Woster

WHAT MUST HAVE SEEMED LIKE GRACE
Ann Fisher-Wirth

THE POSSIBILITY OF YOU
Amanda Coyne

PHONE BUDDIES
Laurie Gwen Shapiro

MOTHER HUNTING
Kaui Hart Hemmings

KNOWING WHAT TO LISTEN FOR
Ashley Warlick

THE BODY REMEMBERS
Lucia Orth

MY MOTHERS DATING ADVICE
Quinn Dalton

A DAY AT THE BEACH
Carolyn Ferrell

HERE BE DRAGONS
Karen Karbo

WHAT I WOULD TELL HER
Rachel Sarah

INSIDE THE HOUSE AND OUT
Karen Joy Fowler

DONT INTERRUPT ME UNLESS YOUR EYES ARE BLEEDING
Susan Wiggs

What would we tell our mothers and daughters if we could tell them anything? If all our self-doubts were dismissed and honesty was the only option, what would we really say? This is exactly what I asked the contributors of Because I Love Her to discover for themselves. Although for some this was a difficult task, surprising depths of love, long-suppressed memories, and real truths were revealed in the telling. Wed give our lives for our mothers and daughters, but sometimes all they truly need is our love and that we share ourselves and all we know.

Because I Love Her explores the most intimate bonds of motherhood by sharing stories and secrets of becoming a mother and grandmother, negotiating generational differences, and learning from our mothers past mistakes. These writers discover who their mothers truly are, forgive for past wrongs, and ultimately accept they are, indeed, their mothers daughters.

This collection of deeply personal essays by accomplished mothers with daughters includes exceptional writings by Karen Joy Fowler, Jacquelyn Mitchard, Susan Wiggs, Sheila Kohler, Joyce Maynard, Catherine Newman, Ann Hood and many others. Most of these contributors acknowledge the great debt they owe their mothers and how through their powerful examples, they have decided to raise their own daughters. They have written about what their mothers taught them, what they in turn hope to impart to their own daughters, and finally, what theyve learned about them selves as the bridge between the two. These are stories from women with vastly different experiencesfrom women with mothers who were mentally ill or absent and from those who had the courage to make peace with their mothers along the way.

As both a mother and a daughter, a woman is essentially at the center of a three-way mirror, reflecting on her past by remembering herself as a young girl and now as a mother, seeing her mother for who she once was. As Katherine Center discovers in her essay, You have to give up the old to get the new. You cant be the child and the mom at the same time. You cant be your young self and your old self at the same time. You cant know what you know now and feel the way you did then. And yet, the truth is, we all do in spite of ourselves.