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Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Musically Speaking: A Life Through Song

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Music, I have come to realize, is for me a kind of golden thread running through my life. It has helped maintain my connection with the past that otherwise might have been severed by catastrophe and time. I am often askedindeed, I often wonder myselfwhy it is that I should always have had such joie de vivre in the face of the losses and dislocations I had to endure in my early years. The answer I always gave was that the warmth and security of my early childhood had a remarkable power and influence. This is certainly true. But now I have realized that there is another part to the answer. And that is music.from the introduction
Who among us does not have a song that triggers vivid memoriesof jubilation, of belonging, of sorrow, of love? In Musically Speaking, Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer, one of Americas most beloved personalities, has written a warm and contemplative book about the role music has played in her life and the ineradicable traces it has left on her thoughts, emotions, her very being.
In this memoir through song, Dr. Ruth invites us to share her story from a uniquely musical perspective. By the time she was thirty, Ruth Westheimer had lived in five countries, each with a distinctive musical culture, each with a different hold on her sensibility. For the first ten years of her life, the comforting melodies of childhood helped drown out the anthems of Nazism to be heard elsewhere in her native Germany; as an adolescent refugee in Switzerland, she came to be aware that, however loudly she sang the patriotic songs of the land that gave her shelter, she could never truly be at home there.
Present at the creation of the modern state of Israel, she sang and danced to the new music of a new nation; as a young woman eagerly absorbing all that Paris had to offer in the way of romance and worldliness in the early 1950s, the songs of Edith Piaf, Mouloudji, and Yves Montand were her tutors. An almost accidental emigration to America brought new challenges and new stability, as she became a wife, mother, and professional; tremendous and unforeseen celebrity came later, and with it the giddy opportunity to indulge her love of music as never before.
Always, the classical repertoire of Mozart, Haydn, Beethoven, and Brahms has drawn Westheimer to a German culture that has belongedand not belongedto her throughout her life. And always, the music of the Jewish tradition has given her strength and comfort beyond words.
Affording a view of Dr. Ruth from a rare private vantage point, Musically Speaking offers wondrous testimony to the resilience of the human spirit. This is a book full of color, verve, humor, and wisdom, unfolding gracefully through the beloved music of the Jewish holidays, the lullabies of childhood, the songs that sustained an orphan and roused the courage of a young woman, the melodies that enable a widow grieving for her husband to recall, from deep within the years of love, companionship, and happiness.

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Musically Speaking PERSONAL TAKES An occasional series of short books in which - photo 1
Musically
Speaking
PERSONAL TAKES
An occasional series of short books in which noted critics
write about the persistent hold particular writers, artists, or
cultural phenomena have had on their imaginations.
Musically
Speaking
A Life Through Song
Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer
Copyright 2003 University of Pennsylvania Press All rights reserved Printed in - photo 2
Copyright 2003 University of Pennsylvania Press
All rights reserved
Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3
Published by
University of Pennsylvania Press
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19104-4011
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Westheimer, Ruth K. (Ruth Karola), 1928-
Musically speaking: a life through song / Ruth K. Westheimer.
p. cm. - (Personal takes)
Contents: Dear bird, fly on Thoughts are free Our hope is not lost Je ne regrette rien If I can make it there.
ISBN 0-8122-3746-3 (cloth: alk. paper)
1. Music, Influence of. 2. Sex therapistsUnited StatesBiography. 3. Westheimer, Ruth K. (Ruth Karola), 1928- I. Title. II. Series.
ML3920.W33 2003
616.85830092dc21 2003053128
[B]
Permission has kindly been granted to reprint lyrics from the following. From You Are My Sunshine, by Jimmie Davis. Copyright 1940 by Peer International Corporation. Copyright renewed. International rights secured. Used by permission. All rights reserved. From Im Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair, by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II. Copyright 1949 by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II. Copyright renewed. Williamson Music owner of publication and allied rights throughout the world. International copyright secured. All rights reserved. Used by permission. From Leaving on a Jet Plane. Words and music by John Denver. Copyright 1967; renewed 1995 Cherry Lane Music Publishing Company, Inc. (ASCAP) and DreamWorks Songs (ASCAP). Rights for DreamWorks Songs administered by Cherry Lane Music Publishing Company, Inc. International copyright secured. All rights reserved. From the song Little Boxes. Words and music by Malvina Reynolds. copyright 1962 Schroder Music Co. (ASCAP). Renewed 1990. Used by permission. All rights reserved. From The Music of the Night from The Phantom of the Opera. Music: Andrew Lloyd Webber. Lyrics: Charles Hart. Additional lyrics: Richard Stilgoe. copyright 1986 The Really Useful Group Ltd., London. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. From No Time at All, by Stephen Schwartz. 1972 (renewed) Stephen Schwartz. All rights for the world administered by EMI Mills Music, Inc. and Jobete Music Co., Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Warner Bros. Publications U.S. Inc., Miami, FL 33014. From Two Kinds of Seagulls. Music and lyrics by John Forster; additional lyrics by Tom Chapin. 1990 by Limousine Music Co. (ASCAP) and The Last Music Co. (ASCAP). All rights reserved.
As songs were your laws unto wherever I wandered.
Psalm 119:54
Contents
Overture
I am, and have always been, the first to admit: I cannot carry a tune. I have known this at least since I was ten years old. Until that time, my father, mother, and grandmother had spared me from any suggestion that I might be deficient as a singer. This and so much elsechanged once I left our loving home in Frankfurt am Main, Germany, for the Swiss childrens home in which I would live from the ages of ten to fifteen. Singing in the choir at the Swiss home, I became well aware of my limitations, and I made sure to sing very softly, so I wouldnt ruin the beautiful sounds everybody else was making.
One of my first real jobs as an adult was as a kindergarten teacher, in Paris, in the early 1950s. Kindergarten teachers have to sing, of course, and my supervisors were very concerned about my limitations. It was a Jewish school, and they brought in a retired cantor to try to train my voice. After two or three lessons, he gave up. I remember him saying, Youll be a great kindergarten teacher, but youll never sing. I eventually learned how to play simple melodies on the recorder instead.
In recent years, here in the United States, Ive gotten to know a man named Matthew Lazar, a conductor and arranger. Weve often spoken about my vocal limitations. I once gave him a pillow embroidered with the words The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those who sang best. Matthew is a brave man, and he insists everybody can sing. Hes given me some instruction, and even though I will still sing only when Im alone in the car or my apartment, I have to say that he did a better job with me than the cantor in Paris.
I am what is charitably called an inaccurate singer. Less sensitively, people like me are deemed tone deaf. We are problem- or nonsingers, branded as droners and pitch deficient, uncertain, or simply out of tune. The consensus of scholars who have studied us is that the problem might lie in one of three areas: our hearing or monitoring of ourselves while singing, the way in which we remember the music we intend to sing, or our failure to reproduce this remembered melody. Various methods have actually been shown to be effective in improving the abilities of inaccurate young singers. One technique is for a teacher to hold the childs face in his or her hands while singing a pattern the child has been told to repeat. Instructing children to place their hands over their ears in self-monitoring can also work, and so can having them sing the syllable loo, because words can be distracting. The use of echo singing exercises can improve tonal memory, as can vocal inflection exercises involving imitation of sounds like the wind, sirens, and animal sounds. Exercises that promote correct posture and breathing are important.* Unfortunately none of these were tried on me, and Im afraid its too late to start now. But thats OK; Im comfortable with my limitations.
*Moira Szabo, Childrens Inaccurate Singing: Selected Contributing Factors, General Music Today 4 (Spring 2001): 4-9.
The fact is, aside from being a poor singer, I dont really like music. Let me immediately clarify that statement: I dont like music as an accompaniment to other activities. My husband Fred, who died six years ago, always went around our apartment turning the radio on; I went around turning it off. He seemed to live and breathe music. He loved Russian folk songs and, indeed, Russian music of all kinds (which is strange, considering that he was of German Jewish extraction, spent some of his childhood in Portugal, and never went to Russia), protest songs like Joe Hill and We Shall Overcome, religious melodies, oratorios like Carmina Burana, fados from Portugal (his parents moved there in 1938 and stayed there even after Fred came to this country in 1941)everything, it seemed. Actually, one of the first things that attracted me to him when we met in 1961 was that he played Jewish folk songs on his harmonica. (He also played the guitar, and when we first started going out, he left his guitar at another womans house. To prevent him from going back and getting it, I bought him a new guitar. Even though $28 was a fortune for me in those days, it turned out to be the best money I ever spent.) At one point, long after we were married, he decided he wanted to take piano lessons. I made a deal with him: I would pay for the lessons, on the condition that I would never have to listen to him practice.
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