Ruth K. Westheimer - Dr. Ruths Sex After 50: Revving Up the Romance, Passion & Excitement!

Copyright 2005 by Ruth K. Westheimer. All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

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THE INFORMATION IN THIS BOOK IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR EXPERT MEDICAL ADVICE OR TREATMENT; IT IS DESIGNED TO HELP YOU MAKE INFORMED CHOICES. BECAUSE EACH INDIVIDUAL IS UNIQUE, A PHYSICIAN MUST DIAGNOSE CONDITIONS AND SUPERVISE TREATMENTS FOR EACH INDIVIDUAL HEALTH PROBLEM. IF AN INDIVIDUAL IS UNDER A DOCTORS CARE AND RECEIVES ADVICE CONTRARY TO INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS REFERENCE, THE DOCTORS ADVICE SHOULD BE FOLLOWED, AS IT IS BASED ON THE UNIQUE CHARACTERISTICS OF THAT INDIVIDUAL.

Second Printing 2005 ISBN 1-884956-43-2

Cover photo of Dr. Ruth by Pierre Lehu

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Westheimer, Ruth K. (Ruth Karola), 1928

Dr. Ruths sex after 50: revving up the romance, passion & excitement! / by Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer.

p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN 1-884956-43-2 (trade pbk.)

1. Sex instruction for older people. 2. Older people--Sexual behavior. I. Title: Sex after 50. II. Title: Doctor Ruths sex after 50. III. Title.

HQ55.W47 2005

613.960844--dc22

2005002826

I loved you with an eternal love.
Jeremiah 31:2

To that first couple in their 50s whose sex life
I restored some 25 years ago.

W hen you were a young man or woman, you probably listened to the Who sing the line Hope I die before I get old and thought anyone over thirty was to be pitied. Now that thirty is a distant memory, my guess is youve revised your position. And you know what, this time you got it right!

Are there drawbacks to getting older? Of course there are. But let me say categorically, when it comes to the subject that is my area of expertise, S E X, theres a lot of good news. Many people discover they have some of the best sex of their lives after fifty, sixty, and even after seventy. Oh, come on, Dr. Ruth, I hear you saying, Youre pulling our leg. Youre just trying to make us feel better about growing old. Wait a minute, I didnt say all the changes were positive, just some of them. And, if you are sexually illiterate and dont understand how to make the best use of sex at this stage of your life, your sex life can definitely plummet. So, while the prospects are good, its going to take a conscious effort on your part to make the most of your potential. But you know what? That extra effort is an important part of the reason sex can get better. Let me explain.

Couples go about having sex for years, even decades, and all that repetition can cause them to fall into a rut. If their sex life is like that old gray mare and it aint what it used to be, one reason might be sheer boredom. But, if youre going to have a satisfying sex life as you grow older, youre going to have to adapt to the new you, and those adaptations will relieve the boredom, thereby automatically making sex better. Now any of you readers who have been listening to me for the past couple of decades and are following my advice may already have kicked boredom out of the bedroom. However, I know books about sex are often treated like books about dieting. Millions of people buy diet books, a percentage of those actually read them, and an even smaller percentage follow the books advice long enough to lose weight. So, while Ive sold lots of books over the years and talked myself blue in the face on radio, TV, and at lectures, I am certain most of you didnt follow all my advice. You were having sex, and it was okay, at least enough so that you might not have bothered trying to change your ways to improve matters.

But this time its different. If you dont change, your sex life may reach that stairway to heaven before the rest of you does. Now its time to get serious. Now its time to pay attention to Dr. Ruth so your sex life remains alive and kicking. And as I said, those changes may actually improve certain aspects of sex.

Since I want to begin by encouraging you, in this chapter Im not going to get into the physical changes but instead will stay with the psychological ingredient, because improvements you make in this area will compensate for some of the physical changes that Ill be getting to in subsequent chapters.

Why do I put more stress on what is happening above your neck than below your waist? Because the libido, the part of your psyche that causes you to become aroused, resides in your brain. You can have a brand new sports car sitting in the driveway, but if you dont have the key to start the engine, youre not going anywhere. On the other hand, if you have the key to the older sedan sitting next to it, you can go as far as you like. You might not go as fast or hug the corners as well, but youll definitely get where youre going.

Now its very difficult for you to control your body completely. Obviously, if you try to stay in the best shape possible as you grow older, it will help. But, for example, no matter how hard a woman works out, eventually shell go through menopause; theres no stopping it. Yet you do have a lot more control over your brain. You can do many things to insure that your libido works properly until youre in your nineties. And by looking at the changes that happen as you get older with the right perspective, you can make certain your sex life is taking you where you want to go.

In other words, your brain can keep you in control over the changes your body is undergoing. But you have to train your brain in order to make sure this happens. You have to recognize the potential pitfalls and know what to do to avoid them. Thats what Im going to show you how to do in this chapter.

(If youre single or havent had children, what Im going to discuss next doesnt particularly apply to you, so feel free to jump to page skipping the next few pages if you like.)

The main reason for the existence of human sexuality is to make babies, but babies, young children and teenagers, especially teenagers, can wreak havoc with the process that created them in the first place, their parents sex life. When it was just the two of you, you could have sex any time you were together, as often as you wanted, and in any room in the house. Once children were in the picture, your sex life was nearly squeezed into oblivion. It sometimes amazes me that couples have more than one child. And couples who have ten children, well, their ability to continue their sex life amid all the hubbub that must go on in their home is nothing short of remarkable.