Ruth K. Westheimer - Sexually Speaking: What Every Woman Needs to Know about Sexual Health

CONTENTS

Copyright 2012 by Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer, Amos Grunebaum, M.D., and Pierre Lehu. All rights reserved

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey

Published simultaneously in Canada

Illustration credits: From Sex For Dummies , 3rd. ed., Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer with Pierre A. Lehu. Copyright 2007 by Wiley Publishing Inc. Reproduced with permission of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Illustrations by Kathryn Born.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 646-8600, or on the web at www.copyright.com . Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax (201) 748-6008, or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions .

The information contained in this book is not intended to serve as a replacement for professional medical advice. Any use of the information in this book is at the readers discretion. The author and the publisher specifically disclaim any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use or application of any information contained in this book. A health care professional should be consulted regarding your specific situation.

For general information about our other products and services, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at (800) 762-2974, outside the United States at (317) 572-3993 or fax (317) 572-4002.

Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats and by print-on-demand. Some content that appears in standard print versions of this book may not be available in other formats. For more information about Wiley products, visit us at www.wiley.com .

ISBN 978-0-470-64335-8; ISBN 978-1-118-11934-1 (ebk.); ISBN 978-1-118-11935-8 (ebk.); ISBN 978-1-118-11936-5 (ebk.)

One who is afraid to ask questions will never learn.

Rabbi Moses Maimonides (11251204), Laws of Torah Studies

You will have a great job forever, as long as people have sex. Everyone is doing it, no matter their skin color or whether they are rich or poor. And they will never stop having sex.

Freddi Grunebaum, circa 1977, when he first heard his son Amos Grunebaum was planning to become an obstetrician

PREFACE

When clients come to my office for sex therapy, very often I must send them to see a medical doctor first to rule out any physical causes for their problems. If the client is a woman, I send her to see her gynecologist. Ive always looked at womens sexuality as a team effort between my work and that of the medical community. In this book, I get the chance to demonstrate what such a team can do.

Luckily for me, my coauthor is a doctor who considers it an important part of his care to ensure that his patients sex lives are fully functional. Dr. Amos Grunebaum and I are old friends, and we get along so well not just because we both hail from Germany but because of our understanding that optimal sexual functioning is an important component of a womans overall health. Sadly, not every gynecologist makes the same effort that Dr. Amos does with regard to sexual functioning. Because of this, women need to have a better understanding of what to expect when going to a gynecologist, for both their physical and their sexual well-being, so that they can get the help they require.

Ive always regretted that because of the Nazis, I never got to fulfill my dream of becoming a medical doctor. Yet although I admire doctors, Ive had my share of those whove given me the wrong advice. Doctors arent perfect, and the various pressures they now face can make it even more difficult for them. This is why every woman needs to take more responsibility for her own health. I have visited a gynecologist many times, and I didnt always have the information I needed to ensure that I was getting the very best care. In preparing this book, Ive learned a lot about what these visits can offer, so I know my readers will as well. Whether you currently have a problem with your sex life or are simply interested in getting the most from your visits to the gynecologist, I hope that you and every other woman will want to have this book as a resource.

Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer

My practice is based in one of the best hospitals in the world, New York HospitalCornell University Medical Center in Manhattan. We offer women the most up-to-date and effective technologies for their gynecological care. If I need to refer a woman to a specialist, one of the best doctors is probably working just down the hall. Of course, I realize that not every gynecologist has access to this type of facility, and its the patients of those doctors who need this book the most. If youre sure that your medical issue is fairly routine, then you can usually trust that you are getting adequate care. Yet if you dont know how to ask questions and what questions to ask, you might fall into a situation where you require the best possible care but arent getting it. Its not necessarily the doctors fault. Its difficult to suggest to patients that they travel hundreds of miles to get medical care when quite possibly it wouldnt make a difference. A doctor needs to have confidence in his or her skills and in the available facilities. Its up to patients to seek out the information they need so that they can make informed decisions.

There is, however, one area of a womans health that could use improvement in hospitals big and small. The Victorian attitude, the idea that sex is something to be buried under the rug, is much stronger in this country than in my native Germany. For me, it is natural to talk to my patients about their sexual functioning, though I must admit that some are embarrassed when I first open up this line of questioning. Yet because I am in charge of helping women with their pregnancies, which, of course, could not happen without sex, I see no reason not to treat sex as an important component of a womans total health.

Dr. Ruth and I collaborated on another book, Dr. Ruths Pregnancy Guide for Couples , and that was quite a satisfying experience for me. Here we get to broaden our scope, covering every aspect of what a gynecologist has to offer his or her patients, and I hope that together we will change the attitude of women all across the country with regard to how they view their relationship with their gynecologists.

Amos Grunebaum, M.D.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

To the memory of my entire family who perished during the Holocaust. To the memory of my late husband, Fred, who encouraged me in all of my endeavors. To my daughter, Miriam Westheimer, Ed.D.; son-in-law, Joel Einleger, M.B.A.; their children, Ari and Leora; my son, Joel Westheimer, Ph.D.; daughter-in-law, Barbara Leckie, Ph.D.; and their children, Michal and Benjamin. I have the best grandchildren in the entire world!

Special thanks to my friend and coauthor Amos Grunebaum, M.D., and to Pierre Lehu, my minister of communications, with whom I have now collaborated on more than fifteen books.

Thanks to all of the many family members and friends who add so much to my life. Id need an entire chapter to list them all, but some must be mentioned here: Michael Banks, M.D.; David Best, M.D.; Frank Chervenak, M.D.; Chuck Blazer; Richard Cohen, M.D.; Mike Glazer, Ph.D.; David Hryck, Esq.; Rabbi and Mrs. Barry Katz; Bonnie Kaye; Robert Krasner, M.D.; Marga and Bill Kunreuther; Steve Lassonde; Matthew and Vivian Lazar; Rabbi and Mrs. William Lebeau; Peter Niculescu; Rabbi and Mrs. James Ponet; Lesile Rahl; Amir Shaviv; Jerome Cliff Rubin; Daniel Schwartz; Joanne Seminara, Esq.; David Simon, M.D.; Jerome Singerman, Ph.D.; Dr. and Mrs. William Sledge; and Jeffrey Tabak, Esq.