John Gray - Mars and venus in the bedroom: a guide to lasting romance and passion

I thank my wife, Bonnie, for once again sharing the journey of developing a book with me. I thank her for her continued patience and creative support in helping me to be successful as a loving partner. I also thank her for allowing me to share our stories and especially for continuing to expand my understanding and ability to honor the female perspective. Her insightful suggestions and comments have provided an important and necessary balance.

I thank my agent, Patti Breitman, for her helpful assistance, brilliant creativity, and enthusiasm, which have guided this book from its conception to its completion. She is a special angel in my life. I thank Carole Bidnick who connected Patti and me for the beginning of our first project, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

I thank Nancy Peske for her persistent editorial expertise and creativity throughout the whole process. I thank Jack McKeown for his interest and committed support of this project since its beginning and for the support of the entire staff at HarperCollins for their continued responsiveness to my needs.

I thank Michael Najarian and his wife, Susan, for the successful organization of so many seminars. I thank Michael for the many extra hours of creative planning, plus the important and insightful feedback he has given me in developing this material. I thank the many different promoters and organizers who have put their hearts and souls into producing and supporting seminars for me to teach and develop the material in this book: Elly and Ian Coren in Santa Cruz; Ellis and Consuelo Goldfrit in Santa Cruz; Sandee Mac in Houston; Richi and Debra Mudd in Honolulu; Garry Francell of Heart Seminars in Honolulu; Bill and Judy Elbring of Life Partners in San Francisco; David Farlow and Julie Ricksacker in San Diego; David and Marci Obstfeld in Detroit; Fred Kleiner and Mary Wright in Washington, D.C.; Clark and Dotti Bartells in Seattle; Earlene and Jim Carillo in Las Vegas; Bart and Merril Berens in L.A.; and Grace Merrick of the Dallas Unity Church.

I thank John Vestman at Trianon Studios for his expert audio recordings of my seminars. I thank Dave Morton and the staff of Cassette Express for their continued appreciation of this material and their quality service. I thank Bonnie Solow for her competence and gentle support in producing the audio version of this book, as well the staff at Harper Audio.

I thank Ramy El-Batrawi of Genesis-Nuborn Productions and his wife, Ronda, for the successful creation and ongoing production of television infomercials making available audio and video presentations of my seminars.

I thank my executive assistants, Ariana Husband and Susie Harris, for their hard work, devotion, and efficient managing of my schedule and office.

I thank my chiropractor, Terry Safford, for the incredible support he provided twice a week during the most intensive six months of this project. I thank Raymond Himmel for his many acupuncture sessions at the end of this project that miraculously healed me of dizziness and exhaustion. I thank my friend Renee Swisko for her amazing and powerful healing sessions with me and the rest of my family.

I thank my friends and associates for their open, honest, and supportive sharing of ideas and feedback: Clifford McGuire, Jim Kennedy and Anna Everest, John and Bonnie Grey, Reggie and Andrea Henkart, Lee and Joyce Shapiro, Gabriel Grunfeld, Harold Bloomfield and Sirah Vittese, Jordan Paul, Lenny Eiger, Charles Wood, Jacques Earley, Chris Johns, Mike Bosch and Doug Aarons.

I thank Oprah for her warm and personal support and the opportunity to share freely my ideas on her show before 30 million viewers.

I thank the thousands of participants of my relationship seminars who shared their stories and encouraged me to write this book. Their positive and loving support along with the thousands of calls and letters I have received from readers continues to support me in developing and validating the principles of this book.

Particularly for the enormous success of my previous books I wish to thank the millions of readers who not only have shared my books with others but continue to benefit from these ideas in their lives and relationships.

I give thanks to God for the opportunity to make a difference in this world and the simple but effective wisdom that comes to me and is presented in this book.

He wants sex. She wants romance. Sometimes it seems as if our partners are from different planets, as if hes from Mars and shes from Venus. In the bedroom, it is obvious that men and women are different, but we may not realize just how different we are. It is only through understanding and accepting our obvious and less obvious differences that we can achieve true intimacy and great sex.

Why Sex Is So Important

Were all aware that sex tends to be more important to men while romance is more important to women, but we generally dont understand why. Without a deeper understanding of this fundamental difference, women commonly underestimate the importance of sex for men and many times judge them as superficial for wanting only one thing.

A womans judgments begin to soften when she discovers the real reasons that some men seem to want only sex. With a deeper understanding of our sexual differences based on our historical development and social conditioning, she can begin to understand why, for many men, sexual arousal is the key for helping them connect with and realize their loving feelings.

For many men, sexual arousal is the key for helping them connect with and realize their loving feelings.

It is through sex that a mans heart opens, allowing him to experience both his loving feelings and his hunger for love as well. Ironically, it is sex that allows a man to feel his needs for love, while it is receiving love that helps a woman to feel her hunger for sex.

Sex allows a man to feel his needs for love, while receiving love helps a woman to feel her hunger for sex.

A man often misunderstands a womans real need for romance and may feel instead that she is withholding sex. When he wants sex and she is not readily in the mood, he easily misunderstands and feels rejected. He does not instinctively realize that a woman generally needs to feel loved and romanced before she can feel her hunger for sex.

Just as a woman needs good communication with her partner to feel loved and loving, a man needs sex. Certainly, a man can feel loved in other ways, but the most powerful way a womans love can touch his soul and open his heart is through great sex.

What Makes Sex Great

Ideally, for sex to be great there must be loving and supportive communication in the relationship. This is the first step. When communication works, all the bedroom skills in this book can be most easily applied.

If communication in a relationship is OK, hearing and using the ideas in this book will dramatically increase the passion and quality of sex. When sex gets better, suddenly the whole relationship gets better. Through great sex, the man begins to feel more love, and, as a result, the woman starts getting the love she may have been missing. Automatically, communication and intimacy increase.

When sex gets better, suddenly the whole relationship automatically gets better.

When a couple is experiencing relationship problems, sometimes, instead of focusing on the problems, taking a shortcut and creating great sex immediately reduces the problems and makes them easier to solve. To most effectively solve relationship problems and ensure lasting intimacy and better communication, I recommend that you read my other books, What Your Mother Couldnt Tell You & Your Father Didnt Know and Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Sometimes, however, the most effective way to jumpstart a relationship is to first learn the bedroom skills for creating great sex.