Gray - Mars and Venus starting over : a practical guide for finding love again after a painful breakup, divorce, or the loss of a loved one

MARS AND VENUS STARTING OVER

A Practical Guide for

Finding Love Again After a Painful

Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a

Loved One

by John Gray, Ph.d.

Copyright 1998

by Mars Productions, Inc.

BOOK JACKET INFORMATION

MARS AND VENUS

STARTING OVER

Starting over after a painful breakup, a divorce, or the loss of a loved one can be the most challenging experience of a lifetime. Drawing on insights derived from twenty-eight years of counseling thousands of men and women in making wise choices in the process of healing their hearts, John Gray has once again written a ground

breaking book--one that abundantly provides guidance and comfort to those who find themselves single again.

With the processes John Gray has developed in counseling and leading workshops, Mars and Venus Starting Over opens the door to finding a rich and fulfilling lifetime of love once again.

The first section of the book addresses the part of the healing process that is basically the same for men and women. Dealing with the pain of a breakup or loss is not easy, and John Gray makes it clear that although the pain of loss is an inevitable part of life, suffering is not. He explains that the heart often lags behind the mind, that we must experience our grief in order to become whole again. He compassionately shows us how to find forgiveness and explains how good endings make good beginnings.

Although the healing process is fundamentally the same, starting over on Venus is often different from starting over on Mars. Women tend to push love away to avoid getting hurt again. On the other hand, men get involved right away, but have trouble committing. Part two, "Starting Over on Venus," explores the twenty-three common challenges women face, which include the new pressures of dating, glorifying our past, staying stuck in grief, overromanticizing, women who do too much, fear of intimacy, and putting children first. Part three, "Starting Over on Mars," deals with sex on the rebound, work, money, and love, living out fantasies, holding back, being in a hurry, bigger is better, and self-destructive tendencies--to name a few of the land mines men face on the road to healing.

Mars and Venus Starting Over will inspire you to rise to the challenge of healing your heart and to move on to find an even greater love. You will fulfill your soul's deepest purpose--to love and be loved.

John Gray, Ph.d., is the author of

Mars and Venus in Love; Mars and

Venus Together Forever; Mars and Venus in the Bedroom; Mars and Venus on a Date;

What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know; Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus; Men, Women and Relationships; and What You Feel, You Can Heal. He has been conducting seminars in major cities for twenty-six years. He lives in Northern California with his wife, Bonnie, and their three children.

MARS AND VENUS STARTING OVER

A Practical Guide for

Finding Love Again After a Painful

Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a

Loved One

There is hope! You will find love again....

John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

Now he turns his attention to the millions of people who find themselves single again and compassionately presents a process for healing a broken heart.

Here are just some of the issues and challenges John Gray covers in this supportive and practical guide to becoming whole again:

Emotional Lag Time -- Grieving the Loss of Love -- Getting Unstuck -- Good Endings Make Good Beginnings -- The Feeling Better Exercise -- Finding Forgiveness -- Saying Good-bye with Love -- The 90-10 Principle -- Processing Our Hot Spots -- 101

Ways to Heal Our Hearts

STARTING OVER ON VENUS

Date Around, but Don't Sleep Around -

Glorifying Our Past -- Overromanticizing -- Focusing on the Negative -- Who Needs a Man? -- Women Who Do Too Much -

Fear of Intimacy -- My Children Need Me -

All or Nothing

STARTING OVER ON MARS

Sex on the Rebound -- Work, Money, and Love -- Positive Addictions -- We

Don't Have to Stop Loving -- Soul Mates Are Not Perfect -- Can't Live With Them and Can't Live Without Them -- Holding Back -

Bigger Is Better -- Self-Destructive Tendencies

Also by John Gray, Ph.d.

Mars and Venus on a Date

Mars and Venus in Love

Mars and Venus Together Forever

Mars and Venus in the Bedroom

What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Men, Women and Relationships

What You Feel, You Can Heal

This book is dedicated with deepest

love and affection to my soul mate and wife, Bonnie Gray.

Her radiant love continues to bring out the best in me.

CONTENTS

Chapter Page

VOLUME I

Acknowledgments ..................... xiv Introduction ..................... xvii PART ONE

Mars and Venus Starting Over .... 1

1 Mars and Venus Starting Over ........ 1

2 Why Does It Hurt So Much? .... 14

3 Emotional Lag Time ............. 25

4 Grieving the Loss of Love ....... 43

5 Getting Unstuck ................ 53

6 Good Endings Make Good Beginnings ... 72

7 The Feeling Better Exercise ..... 91

8 Finding Forgiveness ............... 105

9 Saying Good-bye with Love ........ 114

10 Letting Go of Hurt ........... 148

11 The 90-10 Principle ......... 161

12 Processing Our Hot Spots ... 174

13 Always Remember the Love ....... 208

Chapter Page

VOLUME II

PART ONE

Mars and Venus Starting Over .. 221

13 Always Remember the Love (cont.)

14 101 Ways to Heal Our Hearts

PART TWO

Starting Over on Venus ...... 248

1 Carrying a Big List ........... 249

2 The New Pressures of Dating ... 254

3 Date Around, but Don't Sleep

Around .......................... 256

4 Glorifying Our Past ........... 260

5 Staying Stuck in Grief ......... 262

6 The Betrayal of Loving Again ...... 264

7 Sex and Self-Esteem .......... 267

8 Sex, Obligation, and Self-Worth

9 Expecting the Earth to Shake ....... 274

10 The Movies vs. Real Life ... 277

11 Attracting the Wrong Partner ..... 279

12 Overromanticizing ............. 281

Chapter Page

13 Woman Seeking Sensitive Man

14 Focusing on the Negative ...... 288

15 Who Needs a Man? ........... 290

16 Women Who Do Too Much ....... 295

17 Taking Care of Others .......... 305

18 A Woman's Fear of Intimacy

19 My Children Need Me ............ 310

20 But My Children Are Jealous ....... 316

21 Acting Out Feelings Rather than

Communicating .................... 323

22 Learning to Be Happy Alone .... 331

23 All or Nothing ............... 336

PART THREE

Starting Over on Mars .... 347

1 Man on the Rebound ............. 348

2 Sex on the Rebound ............. 355

3 Positive Addictions ........... 358

4 Work, Money, and Love .......... 361

5 Love Is Not Enough .............. 365

6 Learning from Our Mistakes ....... 368

7 We Don't Have to Stop Loving .... 371

8 Unrequited Love ............. 371

Chapter Page

9 Taking Responsibility to Let Go

10 Soul Mates Are Not Perfect .. 379

11 Being in a Hurry .............. 382

12 Recognizing a Soul Mate ..... 383

13 Living Out Our Fantasies ..... 385

14 Can't Live With Them and Can't

Live Without Them ................ 388

15 The Endless Search .............. 392

16 Holding Back ................ 396

17 Being vs. Doing ................ 400

18 Bigger Is Better ............ 403