John Gray - Men are from Mars, women are from Venus: the classic guide to understanding the opposite sex

This book is dedicated
with deepest love and affection
to my wife, Bonnie Gray.
Her love, vulnerability, wisdom, and strength
have inspired me to be the best I can be
and to share what we have learned together.

T his book has truly helped millions of readers, myself included. It will probably assist you as well. Without these new insights I dont think I would be happily married today or be such a dedicated father to my children. The same issues that would frustrate me twenty-three years ago in my relationship with my wife, Bonnie, are the same issues that occasionally come up today. The difference today is that I am more tolerant, accepting, and understanding. I can more correctly interpret her words and reactions and know better how to respond. I may be an expert about gender differences and communication, but Bonnie and my daughters are still sometimes a mystery to me. If anything, this book helps us to be more tolerant and forgiving when someone doesnt respond the way we think he or she should. Fortunately perfection is not a requirement for creating great relationships.

Gender insight helps us to be more tolerant and forgiving when someone doesnt respond the way we think he or she should.

With increasing stresses at work and with higher expectations of lasting romance at home, relationships today are challenging for almost everyone. Gaining a better understanding of where your partner is coming from will certainly make your relationships easier. Increasing tolerance for our differences does not mean passive acceptance of a problematic or passionless relationship. Instead, this healthy adaptation is based on real insight that helps us to understand our partners better and respond in ways that are more loving and will inspire the best in them.

You cannot, nor should you ever try to, change your partner. That is his or her job. Your job is to change the ways you communicate, react, and respond to your partner. With new insight, you have the added wisdom and power to adjust your approach. With better communication you can more effectively give the support you seek, and in return, you will be more successful in getting the support you want as well.

With new insight you have the added wisdom and power to change your approach rather than seeking to change your partner.

A few people misuse the concepts in this book. They use the examples and explanations to justify not making important adjustments that could make a relationship work better. For example, I point out that men often need to go to their cave to recharge from the day. This, however, doesnt justify staying in the cave all the time. On the other hand, I also point out that women generally have a greater need to share feelings as a way of coping with stress. This doesnt mean a woman can just go on and on or expect a man to stop and listen to whatever she has to say whenever she feels like it.

Unfortunately even good insights can be misused. But if you are seeking to use these insights to understand your partner better, to respect others in the ways that are important to them, and to communicate your needs in a way that they can understand, then this book can work for you.

If you are seeking to use these insights to respect others in the ways that are important to them, this book can work for you.

In my travels, while waiting for a plane or while signing books at an event, there is always some couple that will approach me with a similar story. They were previously divorced and after reading the book they are now happily remarried to each other. When I wrote Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, twelve years ago, I knew it would enrich relationships, and even save many on the brink of divorce, but I had no idea so many people would return to their partners after a divorce or breakup and then start over with each other and make their relationship work.

Certainly, there are some people who say it didnt save a troubled relationship, but in most cases they go on to say they were better off without their partner. Many people report that reading this book after a failed relationship helped them to make sense of past relationships that didnt work out. This then gave them the encouragement to move on and the skills to successfully find love.

Most people read this book simply to enrich the quality of their relationships. For certain, you will discover new insights to help you improve communication and be more successful in achieving your personal goals. Even if one idea helps you to understand and support your partner, friend, business associate, parent, or child, then it is certainly well worth your interest and investment of time. One small but significant change can have a lasting and dramatic impact.

Ironically the same ideas that enrich a healthy relationship will also assist couples in overcoming more challenging problems. This book does not directly address the challenges of a dysfunctional relationship but it does provide a new twist on the ways we communicate and interpret the other sex. With this insight, communication is automatically improved. With a sense of greater cooperation, hope increases, and then love is often reignited. With love and good communication most problems, even the big problems, can be solved and resolved. By first addressing the small problems, the bigger problems sometimes just vanish or are easily resolved.

The same ideas that enrich a healthy relationship will also assist couples in overcoming more challenging problems.

During the twenty years I have been teaching the ideas in this book, the delivery has evolved, but the basic ideas in this book are still the foundation. Instead of adding more chapters to this book, I went on to write more books building on these basic ideas. You can think of this book as a primer for understanding and communicating with the opposite sex. It can then be applied in practically all kinds of relationships and at all ages.

In my subsequent books I went on to apply