Iain Pattinson - Lytteltons Britain: A Users Guide to the British Isles as Heard on BBC Radios Im Sorry I Havent A Clue

BRITAIN

WRITTEN BY

Iain Pattinson

EDITED BY

Jon Naismith

CONTENTS

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BRITAIN

HUMPHREY LYTTELTON s family boasts a long line of land-owning, political, military, clerical, scholastic and literary forebears not a musician among them. He always claimed to have most in common with a former Humphrey Lyttelton who was executed for complicity in the Gunpowder Plot. Humph formed his first jazz band in 1948 and it soon became the leading exponent of traditional jazz in Britain. In 1956 his tune Bad Penny Blues became the first jazz record to get into the Top Twenty. In a long and vigorous musical career Humph played with a vast array of musical talent, from Louis Armstrong to Radiohead. In 1971 Humph was invited to chair the pilot series of Im Sorry I Havent A Clue, a spin-off from the hit radio series Im Sorry Ill Read That Again. Over the fifty series of Clue Humph hosted, the programme became one of the most successful comedy series in the history of BBC Radio, winning every award for radio comedy going, selling over 700,000 cassettes and CDs, and mounting two sellout tours of the UK in 2007 and 2008. Humph died in April 2008, after celebrating forty years as host of Radio 2s Best of Jazz and sixty years as a bandleader.

IAIN PATTINSON wrote Humphrey Lytteltons scripts for Im Sorry I Havent A Clue for the thick end of fifteen years. He didnt bother with the clever end. Before writing for Humph, Iain supplied the chairmans script for the News Quiz and many opening monologues for Loose Ends, also on BBC Radio 4. He was plucked from obscurity to write his first series of Clue in 1992 and subsequently went on to be plucked from obscurity twice a year thereafter to repeat the process. Since then he has contributed to countless television and radio comedy shows. A list of performers of his scripts now reads like a Y to Z of British comedy. Projects to which he has contributed have amassed four Sony Gold awards, a Bronze Rose of Montreux, a Viewers and Listeners award, a TRIC award and a Cycling Proficiency Badge.

This book is for Humph

19212008

Mr Lytteltons personal Winnebago, generously funded by the BBC

INTRODUCTION

I T WAS 1991. Id only completed a few months as a trainee producer at the BBC when I was summoned to the office of HLER (thats BBC acronym for Head of Light Entertainment Radio). The producer of Im Sorry I Havent A Clue will be moving on to other things, said HLER. We think youd make a good replacement. Up till then Id barely produced any programmes at all and must have looked a little shaken. Dont worry, youll be fine, said HLER. Just remember to laugh at all their jokes.

The standard procedure in BBC Radio Entertainment at the time was for new producers to serve an apprenticeship on a show before attempting to operate it themselves. Since the next series of Clue wasnt due to start for a couple of weeks, I just sat in my office and awaited instruction. After a week or so had passed, I paid a visit to Janet Staplehurst (the programmes long-serving production assistant) to ask for news of the producers imminent return from the Edinburgh Fringe. His shows going down rather better than expected, said Janet. Hes decided to stay up there. Youll have to produce the series yourself. My mind raced and I felt slightly sick. The ever-efficient Janet was reassuring: Dont worry. The studios booked and the team. I felt heartened. And who writes the links for Humphrey Lyttelton? I asked. You do, she replied.

Even less impressive than my track record as a producer then were my credits as a broadcast scriptwriter. Up till 1991 nothing. Not a scrap. When the day of my first recording as producer of Im Sorry I Havent A Clue arrived, and I finally introduced myself to its seventy-year-old chairman Humphrey Lyttelton, my face was still aching from an afternoon of sycophantic forced merriment in the company of the rest of the Clue team. It was with not a little trepidation that I handed Humph the script for the show. I was expecting at the very least a critical eye to be cast over my efforts, before various jokes were cut out or hastily re-written. Instead, he thanked me politely and didnt give the script a second glance. When the recording started my heart was in my mouth. Then, as the shows opening signature tune faded into audience applause, suddenly and quite palpably, I began to understand the genius of the man. With effortless timing, natural ease and unforced charm he took my fledgling script and made it fly. Not only was he able to elicit gales of laughter where the best Id hoped for was the occasional flurry, but, most remarkably, he was able to conjure audience hilarity from a simple pause, an inflection, a sigh, a shift of tone, even from silence. It was a complete and towering tour de force and in minutes my mood changed from near hyperventilating panic to the most indescribable joy. That night I was seized with one single-minded determination: to ensure Humphrey Lytteltons scripts were as good as they could possibly be.