Ferguson Ian - Trudeau on Trudeau: the deep thoughts of Canadas 23rd prime minister

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Copyright 2019 by Ferguson

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Interior design by Silverglass

Cover photograph from Getty

Back cover top left, top right, bottom left, and spine: reuters/Chris Wattie

Back cover bottom right: Getty

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: Trudeau on Trudeau: the deep thoughts of Canadas 23rd prime minister / by Ian Ferguson.

Names: Ferguson, Ian, 1959 author.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20190069813 | Canadiana (ebook) 20190069899 | ISBN 9781982123680 (softcover) | ISBN 9781982123697 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Trudeau, JustinHumor. | LCSH: Trudeau, JustinQuotations. | LCSH: Trudeau, Justin

Language. | LCSH: Malapropisms.

Classification: LCC FC655 .F47 2019 | DDC 971.07/4dc23

ISBN 978-1-9821-2368-0

ISBN 978-1-9821-2369-7 (ebook)

Life is a state of mind.

Jerzy Kosinski, Being There

The Bollywood dance moves. The $50 million tweet to impress an American TV host. Justins professed admiration for Chinas basic dictatorship. His breezy assurances that the budget will balance itself. (He inherited a surplus, remember.) Found guilty of breaching Canadas ethics laws not once, not twice, but four times . Mocked at home and abroad for coining the word peoplekind , to say nothing of responsibilizing . The goofy socks. The constant bragging about how humble he is. The endless, endless selfies.

How did this happen? How did it all go so horribly wrong? To answer this question, I turned to a higher authority:

SIRI, WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU PUT A FORMER SNOWBOARD INSTRUCTOR AND PART-TIME DRAMA TEACHER IN CHARGE OF A G7 ECONOMY?

Siri whirred and clicked and spat out the following actual headlines, all of which ran within a few weeks of each other in 2018 alone.

CANADAS STOCK MARKET IS THE WORST IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW

MoneySense

THE CANADIAN DOLLAR IS THE WORST PERFORMING MAJOR CURRENCY IN THE WORLD THIS YEAR

CBC News

JUSTIN TRUDEAUS BUDGET STILL HASNT BALANCED ITSELF

London Free Press

SCIENCE-LOVING GOVERNMENT CUTS FUNDING FOR SCIENCE

Globe and Mail

TRUDEAUS PERPETUAL DEFICITS WILL CAUSE LASTING HARM

Winnipeg Sun

I ll admit it. I was caught up in the giddy excitement of Justin too. He was sooo dreamy. Nice hair. Famous dad. True, he had absolutely no background in economics or law (or ethics, apparently), but who cares! He was a new type of politician. One created for and elected by social media. Prime Minister Selfie to the rescue! Yay! My greatest claim to fame? Im one of only three people in Canada who has never had a selfie taken with Justin Trudeau.

But then he got elected, and I realized that the economy does in fact affect me, that deficits arent magical numbers sprinkled with pixie dust and feigned sincerity, that its not just style that matters, but substance too. How did it go so wrong? Let us consult the experts, and there is no bigger expert on Justin Trudeau than Justin Himself.

Here, then, is Canadas prime minister in his own words. All of the quotes that follow are real; all are fully sourced at the back of this book. You can easily find them online as well. In most cases, you can watch him sharing these bon mots on CPAC, CBC, CTV, Global, and so on. Just in case you think any of this is exaggerated, its not. In fact, I urge you to go online and view these firsthand. But be prepared, once you fall down the rabbit hole of Justin Speak, you may never re-emerge, certainly not with your innocence intact.

Canada, we elected Zoolander as prime minister. This one is on us. We have no one else to blame but ourselves.

Remember that time Justin Trudeau was accused of groping a reporter? Of course you dont. It was quickly swept under the rug. And anyway, it happened at a drunken beer fest in BC years ago, so who cares? Part of the frat boy code, right? Frat boys love the ladies. And beer. They also love beer.

What is Justins one tangible achievement, the one thing no one can take away from him? He legalized weed. Party on, bro!

The intensity, the excitement of being in the middle of a political campaignits heavy, its fun stuff. Theres pizza, sex, and all sorts of fun things.

I dont read the newspapers, I dont watch the news. I figure, if something important happens, someone will tell me.