Gregory Hartley - Get People To Do What You Want

This edition first published in 2019 by Career Press, an imprint of

Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

With offices at:

65 Parker Street, Suite 7

Newburyport, MA 01950

www.redwheelweiser.com

www.careerpress.com

Copyright 2019 by Gregory Hartley and Maryann Karinch

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording,
or by any information storage and retrieval system, without
permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.

Reviewers may quote brief passages.

ISBN: 978-1-63265-158-7

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available
upon request.

Cover design by Ellen Varitimos

Interior by Scriptorium Book Packagers

Typeset in Optima and Frutiger LT STD

Printed in Canada

MAR

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

www.redwheelweiser.com/newsletter

Gregory Hartley
To my dad, Marlin Hartley: Well done.

Maryann Karinch
To my mom, Ann Karinch: Thank you.

T HANK YOU TO the team at Red Wheel/Weiser and the Career Press imprint, specifically Michael Pye and Laurie Kelly for all the support.

Stumbling into Don Landrum at the start of my interrogation career led me to some of the conclusions in this book, whether he knew it or not. Thanks to Dina for keeping me centered and to Mike for helping to keep things going when I cannot be around. Maryann, thanks for being a great partner in putting these complex, sometimes very dark, concepts down in writing.

Every concept we discuss here is playing out in interrogation rooms around the world as professional interrogators apply these concepts to get others to tell them the truth. The few rank amateurs who resorted to the unspeakable have tarnished the reputation of these professionals who protect you on a daily basis. These professional interrogators often find the danger and report it before it is too late, but cannot ever disclose it happened. To these people who protect the good citizens of the world from the unthinkable, I am grateful.

Greg

H OW IN THE world could I ever do what I do without the consistent, loving, and intelligent support I get from Jim McCormick? Thank you! And to you, Greg, my wonderful writing partner, I appreciate you as an inventive thinker, an inspiration to me from the first sentence to the last, and a great friend.

My mom and my brother, Karl, also show their support in creative and practical ways and never seem to tire of it. I'm blessed to have you as family.

Thanks also to my patient and helpful sisters, Judith Bailey, Mary Hemphill, Nancy Hills, Patti Mengers, Mary Saloschin Hubbard, and Carolyn Wills, who find the most amazing ways to make my life easier when I'm stressed out. Greg and I have the great privilege of thanking the Red Wheel/Weiser/Career Press team, specifically: Michael Kerber, Michael Pye, Laurie Kelly, Bonni Hamilton, and Eryn Carter. Finally, thanks to my dear friends and colleagues who help keep me balanced and productive.

Maryann

Chapter 1
Shared Needs: Belonging and Differentiating

Chapter 2
The Dynamics in a Group

Chapter 3
Mechanics of Charisma

Chapter 4
Tools to Get What You Want

Chapter 5
Human Modeling

Chapter 6
Bonding and Fracturing

Chapter 7
Mechanics of Bonding and Fracturing

Chapter 8
Strategies to Move Your Human

Chapter 9
The Final Factor

A NY BOOK THAT teaches how to get people to do what you want is a book about manipulation. To manipulate people, you need to understand first what drives them.

Let's start by jarring your perception of manipulation. It is not necessarily a horrible thing, predicated on a desire to exploit someone. In this book, we look at the art and science of persuasion. When used appropriately, that ability can support team-building in the workplace, conflict resolution in tense situations, and harmony at homeand this is just an abbreviated list of the benefits. Looking across the spectrum of humanity, we know that humans are complex creatures. Even in the psychologically healthy bands of the spectrum, human beings run the gamut from altruists to curmudgeons. Within this very complex and diverse population, however, there are also recurrent themes; these form the foundation for this book. In some ways, it is a Machiavellian look at how to make people do what you want, so by its nature, some of it sounds like the dark arts, as Hogwarts students might characterize it.

Similar to our primate cousins, humans have a burning desire for companionship. First and foremost, we are herd animals with an instinct to belong. Once we gain that acceptance, however, we push more and more to set ourselves apart. Being a member of the crowd is generally not good enough. We want to hold distinction within the groupto be a member with clout at the least, or perhaps even the alpha in the pack. After striving to raise our level of importance within this group, when we achieve that and become a big fish in a small pond, most of us look for more. We aim to expand our circle to move into a new pond, one with a new group to which we can belong, only to start the process all over again.

If you doubt this premise, think about why you picked up the book. Are you moving into a new group and trying to better adapt and gain acceptance? Or are you looking to differentiate yourself from the crowd? Whether it is at work or in a social group, these two forces drive your choices at this moment, and other people around you are making daily decisions the same way. This book is about understanding those forces and making conscious decisions that will get the outcomes you want.

One added benefit of learning these tools is the ability to see how and when people such as politicians and advertisers manipulate you. Even if you never exercise the skills of influence we cover in this book, you will benefit greatly from other people's deliberate attempts to use them.

All the human drives we discuss in the book are applicable whether you are in face-to-face contact with a person or in virtual contact. They also factor into encounters with perceived beings, that is, video games involving characters, but especially with robots powered by artificial intelligence such as IBM's Watson technology.

Let's start with the premise that humans tend to interact with and respond to robots in ways that mimic our relationships with domesticated animals. In May 2007, the Washington Post reported that an Army colonel aborted tests that involved an autonomous robot whose job it was to blow up land mines. Built to resemble a stick insect, it blew up one mine after another in a live-fire test. Each time it stepped on a mine, it lost a limb in the explosion. Relying on its remaining legs, it picked itself up and moved forward. With only one leg remaining, it still rose up and charged on. That's when the colonel stopped the exercise because the colonel just could not stand the pathos of watching the burned, scarred, and crippled machine drag itself forward on its last leg. This test, he charged, was inhumane.

The colonel's response suggested he assigned an inherent human need to the robot to be safe, to preserve life. In a sense, he was manipulated into behaving in a way that seemed to run counter to his military training.