Maggie Hartley - Who Will Love Me Now?

This book is dedicated to Kirsty, Ryan and Louisa and all the children and teenagers who have passed through my home. Its been a privilege to have cared for you and to be able to share your stories. And to the children who live with me now. Thank you for your determination, strength and joy and for sharing your lives with me.

I wanted to write this book to give people an honest account of what its like to be a foster carer. To talk about some of the challenges that I face on a day-to-day basis and some of the children that Ive helped.

My main concern throughout is to protect the children who have been in my care. For this reason, all names and identifying details have been changed, including my own, and no locations have been included. But I can assure you that all my stories are based on real-life cases and are told from my own experiences.

Being a foster carer is a privilege, and I couldnt imagine doing anything else. My house is never quiet, but I wouldnt have it any other way. I hope perhaps my stories will inspire other people to consider fostering, as new carers are always desperately needed.

Maggie Hartley

The woman carefully shuffled the pack of cards and fanned them out, face down, in front of me.

Pick seven, she told me.

After Id done as shed asked, she put the cards Id chosen back down on the table and turned them over one by one.

She smiled.

What is it? I asked. What can you see?

Ooh, lots of things, she said. What would you like to ask me, my dear?

To be honest, I wasnt sure, as Id never done this before. My friend Vicky, who was also a foster carer, had convinced me that having a tarot card reading at home one morning would be a bit of fun.

Marjories meant to be really good, shed told me. My sister-in-law swears by her. She sees her every six months.

I thought it was all mumbo jumbo but shed persuaded me and so here we were. Vicky was in the kitchen, waiting to have her reading after mine. I dont know what I was expecting but Marjorie was an ordinary-looking lady in her fifties. It was hard to believe that this woman in jeans, a jumper and fake UGG boots could predict my future, but I was willing to give it a go.

Ive got a question for you, I said. When will I be getting more children to foster?

Marjorie picked up the first card, which had a picture of a king holding a gold disc on it.

Ah, this suit of the tarot cards is all about your work and I can see that you love what you do very much, she said. In fact, its more of a vocation than a job for you. The good news is the cards are telling me that a new child will be arriving soon.

Ooh, how soon? I asked.

The cards are saying that theres a child on the way to you as we speak.

Really? I gasped. Right now?

Marjorie nodded.

Is it a girl or a boy? I asked. How old are they?

That, Im afraid, I dont know, she said. But if the cards are right then it wont be long before you find out.

There were no other surprise revelations in the rest of my reading but I was excited at the possibility that I might be getting a new foster placement.

What did she say? Vicky asked when I went to get her from the kitchen for her reading.

Well, Im not going to win the lottery or meet the man of my dreams, but apparently theres a new foster placement on its way to me right now.

Thats brilliant news, she said.

Id been on the available list with my fostering agency for the past couple of weeks but, so far, nothing had come up.

I hope shes right, I told Vicky. Im ready for a new challenge.

At that time I had two children living with me. Louisa had been with me since her parents had been tragically killed in a car crash five years ago. Alone and struggling to cope with her grief, shed been painfully shy at first but she had turned into a strong, confident, determined young woman who I was very proud of. Shed recently turned eighteen so she was now an adult and officially out of the care system. Even though I wasnt legally fostering her any more, she would always be part of my family and she knew she could live with me for as long as she wanted to. She had finished a course in childcare and had just got a job as a nanny for a local family, which she was really enjoying.

Then there was baby Ryan who was upstairs having his morning nap. He was six months old now and had been with me since he was two weeks old when his teenage parents had taken him to hospital, saying that hed rolled off the sofa and bumped his head. Staff had been suspicious of this explanation as a baby that young doesnt roll and X-rays had shown hed also got a fractured rib. An emergency protection order had been issued and hed immediately been taken into care. The Crown Prosecution Service was still looking into whether there was enough evidence to charge his parents with hurting him. The plan was that Ryan would eventually go for adoption and I was looking after him until then. I had leapt at the chance to care for Ryan. It was heartbreaking to think that a tiny baby had gone through such pain and cruelty at the hands of the two people who were supposed to love him the most. It wasnt hard to get attached to babies and Ryan was a lovely smiley little boy. He had a lovely thick mop of blond curls and bright blue eyes that made him look like a little cherub. Thankfully, so far he didnt seem to have been affected by the traumatic start that hed had to his life.

You might think that I had my hands full with a teenager and a young baby to look after, but the truth was, life was a bit too quiet for me. Louisa was at work all day or out with her friends and Ryan was an easy baby. I liked the noise and the chaos of having several children living with me and I had plenty of room in my six-bed house. My other long-term foster placement, Lily, had gone back to live with her birth mother several months ago and Id said goodbye to teenage mum Jess and her baby Jimmy around the same time, as they now had their own place along with Jimmys dad Darren. Since theyd all left Id had a few respite placements but now I was hoping for something a bit more long term.

Although I always liked the challenge of stroppy teenagers, my ideal was a child or children under twelve. I found that age group particularly interesting I liked the endless questions, the funny things they said and the way their minds were like little sponges soaking up everything around them.

Yep, life is a bit too quiet and organised for me at the minute, I thought as I flicked the kettle on to make everyone a cup of tea.

I was putting some digestive biscuits onto a plate when my mobile rang. I recognised the number flashing up on the screen it was Becky my supervising social worker from the fostering agency I worked for. Shed been my link worker ever since Id joined the agency well over a year ago and we got on really well.

Hi, Maggie, she said. Im not disturbing anything, am I?

If I told you what was going on at my house at the minute youd think I was mad. I smiled, thinking about the tarot card reader in the front room. What can I do for you?

Ive just had a call from a social worker called Kate Lewis who said shed worked with you in the past.

She was at the local authority that Id worked for before Id moved to the agency. Shed been the social worker on a couple of placements Id had way back when Id first started fostering. I remembered Kate because she was very well spoken and was always perfectly turned out with swishy hair and expensive-looking clothes.