Kathleen Reardon - The Skilled Negotiator: Mastering the Language of Engagement

Contents

Copyright 2004 by Kathleen Kelley Reardon. All rights reserved.

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J. Carlin quotes:

Carlin, J., Freed to Live Up to His Legend. The Independent (London), February 12, 1990. Copyright 1990 The Independent. Used by permission.

Robert Redford quotes:

Reprinted by permission of Harvard Business Review. From Turning an Industry Inside Out: A Conversation with Robert Redford. Harvard Business Review , May, 2002. Copyright 2002 by the Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation; all rights reserved.

K. K. Reardon quotes:

Reprinted by permission of Harvard Business Review. From The Memo Every Woman Keeps in Her Desk, by K. K. Reardon. Harvard Business Review , March-April, 1993. Copyright 1993 by the Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation; all rights reserved.

Framing Outside the Box:

Reprinted with permission of Sage Publications Ltd. and the editors David Holman and Richard Thorpe from Francis Cooren and Gail T. Fairhurst, The Leader as a Practical Narrator: Leadership as the Art of Translating. In Management and Language: The Manager as a Practical Author , edited by David Holman and Richard Thorpe. Copyright 2002 David Holman and Richard Thorpe.

Strategies List:

From Kellerman, K., and Cole, T. Classifying Compliance Gaining Messages: Taxonomic Disorder and Strategic Confusion. Communication Theory , 4, 1994. Used by permission of Oxford University Press.

Obstacles Chart:

From Ifert, D. E., and Roloff, M. E. Understanding Obstacles Preventing Compliance: Conceptualization and Classification. Communication Research , 25 (2), 1998. Reprinted by permission of Sage Publications, Inc.

Richardson quotes:

From How to Negotiate with Really Tough Guys. Fortune , May 27, 1996. Copyright 1996 Time Inc. All rights reserved.

Herbig and Kramer quotes:

From Herbig, P. A., and Kramer, H. E. Cross-Cultural Negotiations: Success Through Understanding. Management Decision , 29 (8), 1991. Used by permission of Emerald Group Publishing Limited.

Example of Coordinated Procedural Guidelines:

From Wessel, M. R., The Rules of Reason: A New Approach to Corporate Litigation. Copyright 1976. Reprinted by permission of Pearson Education, Upper Saddle River, NJ.

This book is being simultaneously published, with some difference in content, under the title Becoming a Skilled Negotiator , by Wiley Higher Education, ISBN 0-4714-2969-4.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Reardon, Kathleen Kelley.

The skilled negotiator : mastering the language of engagement/Kathleen Kelley Reardon.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 0-7879-6655-X (alk. paper)

1. Negotiation in business. I. Title.

HD58.6.R435 2004

658.4'052dc22

2003026455

To Kevin

Preface

The Skilled Negotiator is based on decades of learning through direct experience and study supplemented by observations of the negotiations of businesspeople, students, colleagues, friends, family, and strangers. Its always a pleasure to finish writing a book. In this way, The Skilled Negotiator is no exception. In another way, however, it is very much an exception. There is so much to say about negotiation, so very much to learn, that I found deciding what to include in the book and what to leave out even more of a challenge than it has been for most subjects about which Ive written. Any choice of focus runs the risk of omitting other important aspects, just as a painting focused on the foreground invariably does some injustice to the background. Similarly, the choice of negotiation study focus is, by its very nature, a distortion of sorts. Nevertheless, a choice had to be made. And in this case, the choice was to focus on languagethe talk of negotiation. There is a good deal out there on negotiation strategy, far less on how the more skilled among us translate strategy into verbal and nonverbal action. Yet what negotiators actually say and do during negotiation makes all the difference in their outcomes.

The study of how we express what we mean, or fail to do so, has always fascinated me. I hope that some of my fascination rubs off on you as you turn the pages of this book. We human beings are so often our own worst enemies: allowing ourselves to speak too little, too soon, too much, or without consideration for the interests of others. We slip into patterns of talk that take us away from our goals, because weve taken our ability to communicate for granted. Skilled negotiators are different in this regard. They are intrigued by talk, connoisseurs of it, capable of detecting subtleties in manner and speech that novices fail to notice. They are themselves fascinating, so studying them has been a good deal of my lifes work. Fortunately, there is no end to what can be learned from observations of people.

The Skilled Negotiator contains my thoughts regarding these observations. I hope you enjoy and benefit from this book as much as Ive enjoyed and benefited from acquiring the expertise that made it possible. When youre through reading, your repertoire of options will have been expanded. With practice and fearless experimentation, youll add to it. The development of negotiation expertise requires a trial-and-error approach to find what works for you. Ive tripped and fallen in negotiation, as no doubt you have, but weve both learned from those times. Im now, according to my family, friends, and colleagues, a negotiation force with which to be reckoned. When you finish this book, you will be one too.

Negotiations are as varied as roller coasters. Some are gentle, others, frighteningly fast and treacherous, with surprising twists and erratic turns. The person who consciously and carefully selects the type of roller coaster and the seat location suited to his or her level of experience and then remains seated and belted in, leaning confidently into sharp turns, is likely to survive the ride unscathed and enjoy it as well.

Negotiation success and enjoyment are achieved in a similar way. The more complex forms change direction unexpectedly. Accomplished negotiators recognize this and so are not derailed by it. They also know that although negotiation occurs often in daily life, it is rarely a simple process. Ups and downsgains and lossesmust be expected. Managing these requires several skills, all harmoniously coming together to ensure progress toward the desired outcomes.