Loves Not Color Blind
Race and Representation in Polyamorous
and Other Alternative Communities
Copyright 2018 by Kevin A. Patterson
Foreword copyright 2018 by Ruby Bouie Johnson
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations in critical articles and reviews.
Thorntree Press, LLC
P.O. Box 301231
Portland, OR 97294
press@thorntreepress.com
Cover design by Wolf McFarlane and Franklin Veaux
Interior design by Jeff Werner
Editing by Tonya Martin
Proofreading by Roma Ilnyckyj
Library of Congress Cataloging-In-Publication Data is available for this title.
Digital edition version 1.0
Foreword
I met Kevin Pattersons reputation before I met Kevin Patterson the person. Others described Kevin as an amazing leader and powerful force of nature. In the six to nine months that preceded our official introduction, I was peppered with:
Do you know Kevin Patterson?
Have you talked to Kevin Patterson?
You need to talk to Kevin Patterson.
Over the course of those months, my activism, involvement, and criticisms of the polyamorous community became well known. As a black woman, my criticisms and concerns are similar to those that Kevin discusses in his pioneering inaugural book, Loves Not Color Blind . The more vocal I became about my concerns, the more assertive folks became about me speaking with Mr. Patterson.
As I write this foreword, I recall my initial thoughts of the insistence that I meet Kevin. Though Kevin and I are active in the polyamorous communities, personally, my focus is therapy and education. So, I was perplexed, yet intrigued by where and how we could connect. My first meaningful interaction came about as the result of a colleague recommending that I complete an interview for Poly Role Models . Unbeknownst to me, Kevin founded and curates Poly Role Models . The interview consisted of me answering questions about my journey and my experience as a black polyamorous person. Briefly, I was introduced to polyamory in 2012. Since 2012, my relationship with myself and my relationships with others have become more rich and intimate. I embrace vulnerability, which liberates me from who others believe I am and gives me the freedom to be who I am. My newfound liberation gave me the courage to start my practice. In 2014, I opened my private practice as a sex therapist in Plano, Texas. In 2015, I founded PolyDallas Millennium LLC , which is an annual symposium held in Dallas that educates and celebrates the various relationship styles. With intentionality, we uplift the voices for people of color.
Over the course of the last few years, I have witnessed leaders pushing for the need to have intentional spaces for black folks in diverse relationship styles to ask questions and to have open conversations about the unique needs of black Americans. To be noted, these conversations are not new. Pioneers, such as Ron Young, Michn Neal, Kato Cooks, Aida Manduley, Dirty Lola, and many others, have kept the conversations going until folks like Kevin that have the passion create their platform. In my experience, leaders leave different markers of their legacy based upon their strengths. Some are creative with their ideas. Some are writers and public figureheads. Some are like Kevin and have the ability to reach many different groups and code switch on a dime. He reminds me of President Barack Obamas famous code switch captured on video and viewed by millions of fans. Lets right size this comparison slightlyour President has a bit more swag. Kevins about two miles behind in the swag area. He is catching up, though.
I met Kevin at Loving More in Philadelphia. He attended with his gorgeous wife, Autumn. I felt his sincerity and genuineness from the first moment I met him. My relationship with Kevin followed the trajectory of professional colleague, to mentor, and landed as a friend. I knew he had been speaking and putting out Poly Role Models for some time. When I submitted my story, he informed me that I would not be out for about three months. My thoughts were Damn, big balla. I am honored to be on the list. Kevin and I clicked from the very beginning. I called him out of the blue because I was feeling anxious and uncertain. I needed a lot of validation, and Kevin was patient and supported me. He was always humble and stated that he did not have all the answers. However, Kevin, Chris Smith, and I made a commitment to hold each other accountable.
I believe what connects us is the shared narrative of our experiences. Loves Not Color Blind recounts his personal experiences and others experiences about being black, women, queer, sex workers, who are well known in the communities. Throughout the book, Kevin shares relevant and timely experiences of himself and others. Showcasing these voices does not happen. A book about the polyamorous written by a black man has just happened in 2017. This is a historical moment. Kevin and I are a part of many social media groups and email lists. Those lists discuss inclusivity and how can we diversify the polyamorous community. Even though the polyamorous community espouses connection and community, sometimes we fall short. We dont realize how short we are falling. Loves Not Color Blind exposes the imposter syndrome within our community. We present with a strong face and strong words, but there is an afraid and insecure community that does not want to be found out.
I am an educator, writer, blogger, and symposium organizer. I am an avid reader. With intention, I seek the black voice within all areas. As a sex educator, its not a secret that there are not enough black voices. This is glaringly evident within the polyamorous field. There are many how-to books that are psychoeducational. From the beginning, Kevin informs the reader that Loves Not Color Blind is not a how-to book. This book is written by a black man and speaks to black people. Black people have been spectators to the white experience long enough. Kevin fills a much-needed gap in the literature within the polyamorous community.
Loves Not Color Blind takes the reader on an amazing journey that is hearty and fulfilling. Through an amazing conversational tone that invites the reader to the dinner table, Kevin serves the reader a plate of soul food. Kevins anecdotal experiences are like a side of the ham hock and greens. Those greens are seasoned perfectly with 15 years of experience in the polyamorous communities and a vaster vantage point as a result of being a service leader. Like a skilled cook, Kevin complements his experiences with the voices of community members, leaders, and advocates. Like a mound of cheesy and artery-clogging mac and cheese, those voices are decadent and rich. Loves Not Color Blind is not only a book full of community narratives. Kevin cites research articles, political figures, comic book heroes, theorists, and educators. The dessert is a piece of pecan pie that is his sweet charm, wit, and uncanny ability to bring it all together. When you leave the table, you are satisfied and say, Damn, that was some good shit.
