Flanagan - The blue woman and other stories

BY THE SAME AUTHOR

BAD GIRLS

TRUST
ROSE REASON
ADLE

THE

BLUE WOMAN

AND OTHER STORIES

MARY FLANAGAN

W. W. NORTON & COMPANY

New York London

Copyright 1994 by Mary Flanagan
First American Edition 1995
First published as a Norton paperback 1997
The Blue Woman was originally published in England by
Bloomsbury in 1994.

The following stories appeared elsewhere: Truth, Beauty andGoodness, Soho Square I, Ed Isabel Fonseca (Bloomsbury, 1988);The Wedding Dress, Revenge, Ed Kate Saunders (Virago, 1990);End of Terrace, Storia 2, Ed Kate Figes (Pandora, 1989); TheOctopus Vase, Storia 4, Ed Kate Figes (Pandora, 1990); The BlueWoman, Seduction, A Book of Stories, Ed Tony Peake (SerpentsTail, 1994); The White Cliffs, Telling Stories, Ed DuncanMinshell (Coronet, 1992); Not Quite Arcadia, Soho Square III,Ed Alberto Manguel (Bloomsbury, 1990).

All rights reserved

ISBN 0-393-03803-3
ISBN 978-0-393-31726-8 pbk.
ISBN 978-0-393-35311-2 (e-book)

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For Nigel

When Im bad I eat hotdogs and Cheeze Whizz and Snickers bars and food with lots of preservatives and chemicals that make me sick. I am so sick that I hit my little sister Ashley on the head with a shovel so that she bleeds and runs screaming to Mom who takes her to the hospital. I am so sick that I tear up the twenty-dollar bill Aunt Marjorie has put in my birthday card cause Im sweet and she likes me. I tear it up right in front of her, throw it in her face. And Mom yells at me and grabs my arm and shakes me even though she knows it wont do any good, and Aunt Marjorie says oh its all right, it doesnt matter at all. And I think what a schnook Aunt Marjorie is, how can it not matter, how can it be all right, the liar, the old poop. I love Aunt Marjorie very much. And I think that little shit Ashley, she had it coming, she hates me and gets everything she wants. I really love my little sister. I love her with my whole heart.

When Im bad I wait till Mom has redecorated my bedroom. Im getting one all to myself because we have a bigger house because Dad has this hot-shit job now. Im having my own TV and my own phone, and Mom does the walls with this paper thats white and has roses all over it, and gets me a white bed and white furniture and even a white phone, so white you wouldnt believe it. And she puts up white curtains with ruffles around the edges, all that girlie stuff that I cant stand and she knows it. And the bedspread matches and has an even bigger ruffle to hide all those slimy things that are living under my bed, so slimy you want to throw up. All I hope is that they will just stay there and hibernate like that old witch Mrs McCarthy says bears do. Please God, let them hibernate for ever.

Moms really happy with the room she keeps saying look, Sandy, how nice, how pretty, cause she never had a big fluffy white room when she was a kid. But when Im bad I hate her making the room that stinking white, and I hate the roses, they are so gross. What I really want is a room all purple and silver and black, but with a red phone, red like Ashleys blood. So I wait till Moms finished and one night she and Dad go out to play bridge, and I get my collection of big fat magic-markers, Ive got really lots of them. And I write all over the new wallpaper and the new white furniture. I write, Jump In The Toilet And Drown, and, Go Fuck A Duck, and, Ashley Is a Turd. I write, I Love Tito and Doug and Lorraine for ever, and, Parents Eat Shit. I cant find any red paint in the cellar so I have to paint the phone black and it doesnt look so good. I draw pictures too. A big penis, of course. I know thats corny, dont think I dont, any jerk can draw a penis, right? But I have to do it anyway. And also I draw a giant rat with Ashleys face, but it doesnt really look like her, Ill just have to tell her its her, and underneath I write, Rat Fuck, which I think sounds real neat. Rat Fuck. And then I remember I havent put Cunt anywhere, so I write it on the outside of my door so theyll know right away somethings been happening.

Well, they know and boy, do I get hell like Ive never gotten it before, even when I hit that slut Ashley. Im scared Dad wont stop. But he does, and at the end I get locked in the bedroom with a bucket of water and a brush and the slime under the bed. I knew all the time itd turn out like this but I did it anyway, so what. Bad move, San.

Mom says she wont ever get over this and that scuzz Ashley says I should be put in an orphanage so she can take my share of chocolate fudge and Doritos and the Game Boy and get more Nikes and U2 tapes and swimming lessons. She is so materialistic. But Mom gets over it, sort of, and Im thinking: Moms so great, she really cares about us all and wants us to be happy, even me she wants to be happy, except when Im bad and dont deserve to be. When Im bad Im so bad that I dont even deserve food. I show them all I know this by not eating. Not anything. They go bananas then and yell and call the doctor and Mom and Dad go in the bedroom and fight except when they do it right in front of us and its so scary.

Moms going to the mall to shop and Ashley and I grab at her coat and hug her and jump up and down. Youre so cute, Mom, we say. Youre cuter than all the other moms. The way you walk, we love it, its so cute, and your fingernails, theyre always painted pink, they look so pretty. Youre the cutest mom, cutest mom, cutest mom. And we follow her out to the Buick, jumping around and singing. And she waves goodbye with that cute little smile, oh God, its so great. Then I go and see if shes left any of her money in the desk.

When Im bad I fail my English exam. My big brother Charlie says Im Denise the Menice and he puts his arm around me, and it feels nice, it feels good being all squashed up against him. I tell him hes a fuck-face and he laughs. Id hug Charlie all the time, only theyd never let me.

When Im bad I get real clumsy and like bump into everything and spill milk and Pepsi on the rug and fall off the garage roof and break my arm and my foot gets caught in the bicycle spokes so that my ankle looks like a rare cheeseburger that somebody stepped on and bang my head on the side of our swimming pool and nearly drown. But the worst fuck-up I make is shutting Sylvesters tail in the refrigerator door. Sylvester has the most ginormous tail and he yelled his head off. When I looked at the tail it was all bent and Mom said he was traumatized and thats why he wouldnt let me hold him, and I said wont Sylvester love me any more? And its so awful, you know what happened? They had to cut half his tail off. His beautiful tail, and now I dont think hell ever forgive me and I cry and cry but he just acts so funny all the time. Mom says hell be OK but I dont know. So my idea is I dont eat so maybe hell know by that how much Im sorry I hurt him. Maybe he knows but its real hard to tell. And its so sad because I love Sylvester and sometimes when I look at him I think hes just so like perfect that my hands start to shake and I cry and I love him so much I want to be inside him, you know? Like Ill even pass out. I cant explain it, even to Charlie. So I grab Sylvester and hold him real hard and say Im sorry, Im sorry, beautiful kitty, I didnt mean to, until Mom comes and takes him away from me. But he wants to stay with me, I yell. Me, me! But Mom is so mean she wants to keep me and Sylvester apart. So I hit her with the pancake flipper.