Melody Fitzpatrick - Hannah Smart 2-Book Bundle: Operation Josh Taylor / On a Slippery Slope

The Josh Taylor Duh-lemma

H ey , listen up all you Josh Taylor fans out there! the radio announcers voice blares. Its official! Josh Taylor is finally going on tour and hes heading our way. Hes going coast to coast and hes kicking it off right here in Glen Haven on New Years Eve!

O-M-G, did I hear that right? Is this true? Am I dreaming?

Thats right, fans, mark that date, because on December 31st Josh Taylor is making our very own Glen Haven, Vermont, the first stop on his cross-country tour!

Holy crap, Im not dreaming!

Okay, so right off the bat, I have to explain a few things:

• Number one: I love Josh Taylor. I mean really love him.
• Number two: I just realized that my ultimate dream is about to come true. Im finally going to see him Josh Taylor! Well be in the same room, well, actually a stadium, but who cares! Well be literally breathing the same air!
• Number three: I must g et a ticket ASAP!
• Number four: My legs have suddenly turned to Jell-O. I really have to sit down.

Mom did you hear that?

Hear what? she asks, whisking away at something in her bowl.

Josh Taylor! Hes coming to Glen Haven! Can you believe it?

No, I cant believe it. She throws in some salt.

Unbelievable! Ive just told her the most exciting news ever and she cant even bother to look up. I mean, were talking about Josh Taylor here! Its obvious that she doesnt appreciate the extreme importance of this information. I mean, imagine if the person you spent all your time dreaming of was coming to your town. Just think about it!

Who did you say is coming? she asks.

Mom Josh Taylor! I tell her again.

Oh, Josh Taylor. She raises an eyebrow.

Yes, Mom, Josh Taylor. Hes only the most talented singer in the entire world!

So Ive heard, she says, rolling her eyes. When is he coming?

New Years Eve! I shriek.

So, Im guessing youll want to go to the concert, then? she says.

Youre guessing I want to go to the concert? I look at her in disbelief. Duh! Suddenly, I feel the sting of my hand flying against my mouth, clamping it shut before I can blurt out any other choice words.

So, let me explain. In my family, apparently, saying the word duh to someone is as bad as calling them a complete idiot , even though in my opinion, its not even close. I found this out last week when I used the word duh a few too many times, and my mother, who takes things way too seriously, informed me that if that word passes my lips one more time there will be consequences.

Well then, Hannah, I guess youll have to start saving your money.

What? Excuse me?

Shes showing no expression so I cant figure out if shes actually serious. So, I stare at her, waiting for her to crack. Shes really not bad-looking as far as moms go. I imagine this is what I am going to look like when I get to be her age because when you look at pictures of my mom at thirteen, she looks exactly like me average height, average weight, high cheekbones, dark brown eyes, and long dark-brown hair.

After a minute or so of staring at her, I come to the obvious conclusion that there is no way she can be serious. Of course shes not. She didnt like the duh comment and now shes trying to scare me. What a relief. I guess Id better play along.

I know, I know, I know. I sigh, shaking my head. I shouldnt have said that word , you know the d-word. I hop up on the counter beside where shes working. Im really, really sorry and I guess Ill have to accept the consequences I let my head fall to my chest, adding another heavy sigh for effect. I love reverse psychology! It always, always works! But somethings not right. She isnt saying anything and now shes frowning.

Mom, you cant really be serious? I say in utter disbelief. Save my money? What money?

The money you will need to buy your ticket, Hannah. Concerts are expensive, and weve been spending a lot on you lately.

What? This is crazy! This cannot be happening.

Mom! Im sorry I called you an idiot!

What?

I mean Im sorry I said duh . I promise Ill never, ever say it again ever!

So, in case you havent noticed, I am really starting to panic now. She is definitely serious!

Oh, for heavens sake, Hannah, stop being so dramatic. Its not about that.

Then whats this about? I cry.

Just like I said, weve been spending a lot on you lately. You really need to learn the value of money. It doesnt grow on trees, you know.

I feel like saying, Duh , what do you think, Im a moron? Obviously, I know money doesnt grow on trees! Still, how can she expect me to come up with enough money to buy my own ticket? Theyre expensive, you know, and Im only thirteen, technically still a child. I mean really, what does she expect? I dont understand where this is coming from.

For the record, they havent been spending that much money on me, and most of the stuff they bought me, I really needed. Like my new skateboard, they only bought it for me because my old one broke, and the helmet came with it, so it was free. And, now that I think about it, the skateboard should actually fall under the category of sporting equipment, which has to do with exercise, which everyone knows is an important factor in leading an active and healthy lifestyle. They also bought me some Chuck Taylors, but only because my feet are growing and I needed sneakers. And really, how can I help it that Im growing? I cant just look down at my feet and yell, Stop it! Kids grow parents just have to deal!

Maybe shes talking about the books from Amazon. Well if she is, I dont think thats fair. Books are educational, and in my opinion, anything educational shouldnt count, should it? Even if one of them is called A Teenagers Guide to Perfect Make-Up , its still a book. Right? Right! Scratch the books; they totally dont count!