John McGahern - Amongst Women

As he weakened, Moran became afraid of his daughters. This once powerful man was so implanted in their lives that they had never really left Great Meadow, in spite of jobs and marriages and children and houses of their own in Dublin and London. Now they could not let him slip away.

Youll have to shape up, Daddy. You cant go on like this. Youre giving us no help. We cant get you better on our own.

Who cares? Who cares anyhow?

We care. We all care very much.

They all came at Christmas. After Christmas, Mona, the one girl who had not married, came every weekend from Dublin. Sometimes Sheila got away from her family to come with her and she drove down for a few hours as well as now and again in the middle of the week. The air fare from London was too expensive for Maggie to come regularly. Michael, their younger brother, had promised to come from London at Easter but Luke, the eldest, still would not come. All three girls planned to come to revive Monaghan Day. They had to explain to their stepmother Rose what Monaghan Day was. She had never heard of it in all her time in the house.

The end-of-February fair in Mohill was Monaghan Day. McQuaid came every year to the house on Monaghan Day. He and Moran had fought in the same flying column in the war. McQuaid always drank a bottle of whiskey in the house when he came.

If we could revive Monaghan Day for Daddy it could help to start him back to himself. Monaghan Day meant the world to him once.

Im sure Daddy was far from delighted to see a bottle of whiskey drank in the house, Rose was doubtful about the whole idea.

He never minded McQuaid drinking the whiskey. You wouldnt get McQuaid to the house without whiskey.

They clung so tenaciously to the idea that Rose felt she couldnt stand in their way. Moran was not to be told. They wanted it to come as a sudden surprise jolt. Against all reason they felt it could turn his slow decline around like a Lourdes miracle. Forgotten was the fearful nail-biting exercise Monaghan Day had always been for the whole house; with distance it had become large, heroic, blood-mystical, something from which the impossible could be snatched.

Maggie flew over from London on the morning of the Day. Mona and Sheila met her at Dublin Airport and the three sisters drove to Great Meadow in Monas car. They did not hurry. With the years they had drawn closer. Apart, they could be breathtakingly sharp on the others shortcomings but together their individual selves gathered into something very close to a single presence.

On the tides of Dublin or London they were hardly more than specks of froth but together they were the aristocratic Morans of Great Meadow, a completed world, Morans daughters. Each scrap of news any one of them had about themselves or their immediate family child, husband, dog, cat, Bendix dishwasher, a new dress or pair of shoes, the price of every article they bought was as fascinating to each other as if it were their very own; and any little thing out of Great Meadow was pure binding. Together they were the opposite of women who will nod and nod as they pretend to listen to another, waiting for the first pause of breath to muscle in with the growing pains and glories of their own house, the impatience showing on their faces as they wait. Mullingar was passed and they felt they had hardly said a word to one another. At the hotel in Longford they broke the journey to have tea and sandwiches, and just as the winter light began to fail they were turning in the open gate under the poisonous yew tree.

In spite of their wish to make the visit a surprise, Rose had told Moran they were arriving.

They must think Im on the way out.

The opposite, she reassured. But they think you should be getting far better.

How can they all manage to get away together like that?

It must have fallen that way. Isnt it worth getting dressed up for once?

Who cares now anyhow? he said automatically but changed into his brown suit. His face was flushed with excitement when they came.

In their nervousness they offered at once the gifts they had brought: tea, fruit, duty-free whiskey Itll be useful to have in the house even if nobody drinks it and we might need a glass a printed silk headscarf, thick fur gloves.

What did you want to bring anything to me for? He always disliked having to accept presents.

You were complaining at Christmas that your hands were always cold, Daddy.

As if to turn attention away from the continual coldness of his hands, he pulled on the gloves comically and pretended to grope about the room with them like a blind man.

The gloves are only for when you go out. Im afraid all this excitement is going to your head, Daddy. Rose, laughing, took the gloves away as he pretended to need them to wear about the house.

I havent discovered yet what brought out all the troops, he said when the laughing stopped.

Dont you remember the day it is? Monaghan Day! The day when McQuaid always used to come from the fair in Mohill and we had to make the big tea.

Whats that got to do with anything? Just as he resented gifts he resented any dredging up of the past. He demanded that the continuing present he felt his life to be should not be shadowed or challenged.

We thought it was as good an excuse as any and we were all able to get away at the same time. So here we are.

It was a poor excuse then. McQuaid was a drunken blackguard who was with me in the war. I felt sorry for him. If I didnt give him a square meal on Monaghan Day hed drink himself stupid in Mohill.

Theyve come all this way to see you and is that all the welcome they get, Rose chided gently. Who cares about poor McQuaid, God rest him, hes long gone.

Who cares about anything now anyhow? he demanded.

We care. We care very much. We love you.

God help your wits then. Pay no attention to me. I wrote to that older brother of yours, My capabilities are of little matter now, but I suppose I might be as well off writing to myself for all the answer Im likely to get.

He went silent and dark and withdrew into himself, the two thumbs rotating about one another as he sat in the car chair by the fire. A quick glance between Rose and the girls was enough for them to know that it was better to make no mention of their elder brother. They began to busy themselves cheerfully with preparations for the meal, one or other of them constantly trying to engage Moran with this small thing or that, until he was drawn by their uncanny tact into the general cheerfulness. When they finally sat down to the meal it was Moran himself who brought McQuaid back into the day.

McQuaid wasnt a bad sort but he was misfortunate with the drink. The interesting thing about him is that he was one of those people who always turn out to be lucky no matter what they do. When he started to buy he knew nothing about cattle. Yet he made a fortune. Those people always get on better in the world than decent men.

His great hour was when he dressed up as the newspaper boy and went to meet the train, Sheila said tentatively. She had heard it every year on Monaghan Day for years but she was unsure if Moran would allow any talk of the war. He generally went stone-silent whenever it was mentioned.

He was lucky in that too and he had no nerves.

He always said you were the whole brains of the column. That everything they ever went into was planned by you, down to the last detail, Mona was emboldened to add.

Id gone to school longer than the others. To the Latin school in Moyne. I could read maps, calculate distances. Youd never think it but McQuaid, like many of the others, was more or less illiterate though he could add and subtract quick enough when it concerned his pocket. It was easy to get the name of brains in those days.