Stephen Dixon - Garbage

Two men come in and sit at the bar. I say How you doing, fellas, whatll it be?

What are you, about to close? the stocky one says.

No, its just empty for a change. Still want to stay?

Sure. Beers. Whatever you got.

I have draft, I have bottles. Domestic and imported in both.

Two draft whatever kind you want. Were in no rush.

Got you.

I draw the beer and give it to them, ring up the tab and set it down between them.

You Shaney? the stocky one says.

Thats right.

Youre the owner of this bar.

Owner and bartender both.

Well lookit, Shaney, you pour a good beer. Nice head on it. You dont often get a head on beer anymore at bars and you got a beaut on yours. Thats good.

Its the way you draw the beer that gives it the head. I can almost make the head any size I want.

Yeah, how so?

You hold the glass under the spout a certain way, at a forty-five degree angle, like this. I take a glass from the sink rack and hold it at the forty-five degree angle in front of them. Then when

Put it under the tap for real and pour yourself one on us.

No thanks. I have only one drink a day and thats a stiff belt at the end of the evening after I close.

Smart man. Wont drink more yourself because you know what it does to you. Thats unusual for a bartender.

Not so much when he owns the place.

But you were saying about pouring your beer, Shaney?

Howd you know my name by the way?

Oh, a pal of ours comes in here and says its a good spot for a sandwich and beer and your names Shaney, thats all.

Whats his name?

Dave is it? he asks the thinner man.

Dave. I dont know his last.

Dave? I say. I dont think I know a Dave, at least not well enough to say I know the name right away.

He used to come in, the stocky one says and maybe he still does. And we were around the neighborhood, doing some late work here were salesmen and I said theres where Dave mentioned that bar and the owners name is Shaney. If your name was John or Jim I wouldntve remembered it.

Thats what he told me, the thinner man says. The part about theres where you are.

But about getting the good head on the beer. Show me carefully so I can tell my other bartender friends who dont know about it.

Im sure they all do, if theyve been tending bar for more than a week. Its not a new trick.

No, youd be surprised. Most of them say its the beer today that wont make a good head. So itll be my kind of service to them, you could say, because I know it should bring in more customers. Every drinker likes a big head on his beer, one he can wipe off his lips.

You actually want to know?

Why, do I sound like Im kidding you?

In a way.

Im not, honestly. Go ahead, show me.

You hold the glass like this, pull down the tap and let the beer out of it into the glass. Then when the beers about an inch and a half from the top, you pop the tap handle to its nonpouring position same time you straighten the glass under the spout and catch the beer thats still coming out. Of course you cant be at the end of your keg and you have to have enough pressure in the pipes and the beers got to be a certain temperature forty-two degrees is the best. Not too warm or too cold.

Now I know. By the way, Shaney

You want another beer? Im not pushing, but you finished yours so fast.

No thanks. Itll get me fat.

On the house. Always a free one after the first one for a new customer who looks like he might drop in again, and youre under no obligation to take more than a sip from it.

Okay, what the hell. Give me another.

Me too, the thinner man says not that Im asking for it on the house. Hes having one, Im going to too. He drains his glass and gives me it.

Listen, I say youre a new customer too.

I get two glasses out of the refrigerator and draw them another beer each.

It also helps to have a fresh chilled glass to get that head, I say, giving them their beers.

By the way, Shaney, the stocky one says who does your trash pickup?

My garbage? Whats that to you? Im curious.

You see, we also represent a company that does garbage pickup and theyd like to pick up for you. Stovin Private Carting Service.

Never heard of it. Eco Carting does mine. Theyre good and reliable and come in the worst of storms, so Im sorry but I cant.

Well were new around here, though very modern and organized, and would like to pick up for you instead of Eco. How about it?

I told you, Id like to. But I dont even have that much garbage for one carter.

If you dont let us cart for you there might be heavy trouble with Stovins when I tell them. They want to cart all the business garbage in the area at least all the bars around here and grocery stores. Kellys Bar just signed with us and he was being picked up by Eco before.

Look, what are you guys? You musclemen, that it? Well I like Eco, been with them for years, and thats that, okay? So get lost.

You want a broken window, Shaney?

Dont start with me. Two of you, Ill still give you a busted head each.

And dont give us that tough crap talk either.

Hes right, the thinner man says. Dont be smart, Shaney. Better for your health. Better for all our healths, because if we start having it out, everybodys going to get hurt.

My health is good. Dont threaten me. Do, I can call the police.

You just do that, the stocky one says. Just do. Youll not only have broken windows, youll have a burnt-out bar. Now what do you say? Our rates may be a little higher than Eco. But were a very good carting service, very reliable too. Sun or rain, and if any other carter tries to move in on you, just tell us and well deal with them for you.

I dont need any protection from anyone but you.

Get Eco to protect you then.

They dont do that. Theyre an honest carter.

So are we. Except we need the business now, a lot of business, as we invested heavily in trucks and stuff and dont want to stay in debt. So Ill ask you a last time. You changing over to us?

Just a matter of curiosity, what are your rates?

Sixty a month.

You crazy? Ecos is thirty-five.

I said were a little higher. But itll be worth it. We pick up five mornings a week.

Eco does it every morning but Monday.

Im telling you what we do, not Eco. Maybe we can pick up more trash for you than them how about that?

They take away everything I put on the street. And if its something like an old sink thats too heavy for me, they come right inside.

Hey, Im tired of talking. You in with us or not?

All I want is for you to get out of here, all right? Dont worry about paying. I grab the tab and tear it up and throw it on the floor. There. Now just get out.

Id like some kind of answer for my company.

You dont know what to tell them?

Dont get too excited with your words, Shaney. Be nice, stay calm. Let my bosses know through me youre both those ways. Thats the minimum I can do for you for your foam lesson and free beers. If I were you Id tell me to tell them youre thinking about it. That way you have time.

Time for what?

For thinking about it.

Im thinking about it then. That make you feel better?

Good man. He puts a ten dollar bill on the bar and leaves with the other man. I yell You paid too goddamn much, fella, as they go through the door.

I call Kelly and tell him what just happened and ask if he really did switch from Eco to Stovin.

I had to, Shaney. I know those bums. They throw a brick through your window one night, next night they drop a stinkbomb when customers are around and so on. Next thing you know your life and trade arent worth a dime. Its protection money youre paying them, and with your temper, maybe protecting them from you. They also cart. So you get less carting, so what? Stick what they dont pick up in the corner trash can, but at least youll be alive.