Stephen Dixon - Late Stories

His wife dies, mouth slightly parted and one eye open. He knocks on his younger daughters bedroom door and says You better come. Mom seems to be expiring. His wife slips into a coma three days after she comes home and stays in it for eleven days. They have a little party second day shes home: Nova Scotia salmon, chocolates, a risotto he made, brie cheese, strawberries, champagne. An ambulette brings his wife home. She says to him Wheel me around the garden before I go to bed for the last time. His wife refuses the feeding tube the doctors want to put in her and insists she wants to die at home. She says I dont want any more life support, medicines, fluid or food. He calls 911 for the fourth time in two years and tells the dispatcher My wife; Im sure she has pneumonia again. His wife has a trach put in. When will it come out? she says, and the doctor says To be honest? Never. Your wife has a very bad case of pneumonia, the doctor in ICU tells him and his daughters the first time, and has a one to two percent chance of surviving. His wife now uses a wheelchair. His wife now uses a motor cart. His wife now uses a walker with wheels. His wife now uses a walker. His wife has to use a cane. His wifes diagnosed with MS. His wife has trouble walking. His wife gives birth to their second daughter. This time you didnt cry, she says, and he says Im just as happy, though. His wife says to him Something seems wrong with my eyes. His wife gives birth to their daughter. The obstetrician says Ive never seen a father cry in the birthing room. The rabbi pronounces them husband and wife, and just before he kisses her, he bursts out crying. Lets get married, he says to her, and she says Its all right with me, and he says It is? and starts crying. What a reaction, she says, and he says Im so happy, so happy, and she hugs him and says So am I. She calls and says How are you? Do you want to meet and talk? She drops him off in front of his building and says Its just not working. They go to a restaurant on their first real date and he says The reason Im being so picky as to what to eat is that Im a vegetarian, something I was a little reluctant to tell you so soon, and she says Why? Its not peculiar. It just means we wont share our entrees except for the vegetables. He meets a woman at a party. They talk for a long time. She has to leave the party and go to a concert. He gets her phone number and says Ill call you, and she says Id like that. He says goodbye to her at the door and shakes her hand. After she leaves he thinks That womans going to be my wife.

He gets a call. Its a sheriff in California. He has some very bad news for him. His daughters been involved in a serious automobile accident. It was on a narrow two-lane road by the ocean. She apparently overcorrected her steering too much to avoid hitting an oncoming car in her lane and went over an embankment. Yes, yes, is she alive? I dont know how to put it. Ive never had to tell this to a parent. She died in the ambulance taking her to the hospital. He puts down the receiver. What to do? He has to call his other daughter. He should tell his wife first. But his wifes dead, so whats he thinking? His sisters. One of them, who can tell the other. Hell do nothing. Hell lie on his bed and go to sleep. First he should put the cover over his typewriter. No, dont even do that. He pushes the cover off his bed and lies down and closes his eyes. The phone rings and he gets up to answer it. Probably his older daughter saying she got back to L.A. okay and something about the interview she had in Berkeley. Its the sheriff. You hung up before I could finish. I wanted to tell you how to reach me, where we are, what hospital your daughters at and some of the things you or someone you designate to represent you need to know and do. Im to fly out there. I havent been on a plane in almost fifteen years. I understand flying is much different today. The preparations at the airport and long waits and so forth. Ill get a pencil. A pen, I mean. I always have one on me. Im a writer. Whats a writer without a pen? But for some reason I have none in my pants pockets and one isnt on my dresser. Thats where I am now. In my bedroom. I was working here, which I also use as my study, when you called. I usually keep a pen on the dresser for messages and to doodle with while Im on the phone. Where are you? What airport do I fly in to? Ill remember. Better write it down, sir. He gets a pen off his work table and writes on a piece of paper on the dresser the sheriffs name and phone number and the names of the hospital and airport and city. The papers a bookmark that came with the last book he bought at the only shop he buys his books at. They always put one in the book you buy. I think I have everything I need now, and he gets off the phone. He lies on his bed. He should call his younger daughter in Chicago. What did he do with the bookmark? Oh, if its lost, its lost. But it couldnt have gone far. He should call one of his sisters. But what will either of them do but scream and cry and say this is the worst possible thing that could have happened. He wishes he could speak to his wife. He cant handle this alone, at least now. Maybe if he shut his eyes and slept a while. He shuts his eyes. He has to call his younger daughter. They were very close. But then hell have her hysteria to deal with. Maybe he could get one of his sisters to tell her, but shed only want to hear it from him. He gets up and goes into his older daughters room. When was the last time she slept in it? A few weeks ago. She came for a brief visit. She had a free roundtrip because of all the flying shes done the past few years. When he dropped her off at the airport, she said she had a wonderful time. When he called her the next day in L.A., she again said she had a wonderful time. He had dinner ready for her the day she came. She said it was the best meal shes had since the last time she was here. He said he started making it a week ago and defrosted all of it yesterday. The salad, he said, he made today. They went out for dinner at a Japanese restaurant her third and last day. What did they do for dinner the second night? She gave him a drawing she did in California. She worked on it for several weeks. We should get it framed, he said. The day after she got here they went to a framing shop. You choose, she said. No, you know better about these things than I. Get what you want, and I dont care the price. He left a deposit for the frame. The shop hasnt called yet to say the frames ready. What will he do when they call? Hell say I cant speak. Ill call you in a few weeks. They went out for lunch after they left the shop. Later that day he was going to the Y to work out and swim and asked her if she wanted to come. She said if she finds a yoga class in town, would he drop her off there? She found a yoga class on the computer in his wifes study. He dropped her off, then picked her up after he went to the Y. They got Persian takeout that night, a favorite food of his wife and daughters. He sits on her bed. She comes into the room. What are you thinking, Daddy? Nothing, he says. Just thinking. Its got to be of something. Your mother. Its been so lonely without her. But I dont want to make you sad by telling you how sad I am. Two years, already, and Ive barely adjusted to it. All the decisions I have to make on my own now. She was so good at giving me advice and helping me to make up my mind and planning what we should do. Im also sad that youre leaving. I wish my visit was longer, but Ive got my teaching to get back to. We should have timed it better. Planned your coming here during your spring break. Thats what Mommy would have suggested, because what was the rush? But Im glad for even the short time you were here. Its been fun. A good change for me. She sits on the bed and holds his hand. Ill try to come back here for spring break too. Do it. Ill pay for the trip, and I dont care what it costs. Now I should call your sister. I dont want to but its something I have to do. And I have to call an airline. What airline flies to Santa Barbara or the closest city to it? I dont know how to find out. Call any airline in the phone book. Theyll tell you. Good thinking. Could you do it for me? Then Ill call your sister. And your aunts, or one of them, who can call the other. Now Im the one whos not thinking, she says. I can get all the information you need on the computer. She leaves the room. He goes into his bedroom and lies on the bed. He folds his hands on his chest and shuts his eyes. I must look like a corpse, he thinks. All I need is to be in a suit with all the buttons buttoned and to have on a dress shirt and tie. The phone rings. Hes going to let it ring. But maybe its his older daughter. He gets up and grabs the receiver off the phone on the dresser and says hello. I found out what airline you should take, she says on the phone. Tell me, he says. Ill write it down. Though what am I going to do about the cat? Ill have to get someone to look after him. Call one of your friends, or Mommys friends. Anyone would do it for you. Thatd mean Id have to speak to someone other than your sister and one of my sisters and you. I couldnt do that. Its not in me right now. I really dont see how I can go to California. You have to. Ill be here. Well have so much fun. Ill show you my favorite places. Well go to museums. And there are so many good galleries and restaurants here. Okay, Im coming. He lies back on the bed and clasps his hands again on his chest. He sees hes wearing a suit and dress shirt and tie. The suits the same one he got married in at her apartment twenty-nine years ago. His wife insisted he buy it for the wedding. He was going to wear an old sport jacket and freshly pressed slacks. The suit has a few moth holes in it but it still fits. I am a corpse, he says. I cant move.