Barondes - Making sense of people : the science of personality differences

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The Science of Personality Differences

Samuel Barondes

Second Edition

Publisher: Paul Boger
Editor-in-Chief: Amy Neidlinger
Executive Editor: Jeanne Glasser Levine
Cover Designer: Alan Clements
Managing Editor: Kristy Hart
Project Editor: Andy Beaster
Copy Editor: Language Logistics, LLC
Proofreader: Chuck Hutchinson
Indexer: Joy Lee
Compositor: Nonie Ratcliff
Manufacturing Buyer: Dan Uhrig

2016 by Pearson Education, Inc.
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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, in any form or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing November 2015

ISBN-10: 0-13-421500-1
ISBN-13: 978-0-13-421500-6

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2015948629

Also by Samuel Barondes

Cellular Dynamics of the Neuron

Neuronal Recognition

Molecules and Mental Illness

Mood Genes

Better Than Prozac

Before I Sleep: Poems for Children Who Think

For Louann

And for my grandchildren:

Jonah Lazar

Ellen Ariel

Asher Lucca

Every man is in certain respects

(a) like all other men,

(b) like some other men,

(c) like no other man.

Clyde Kluckhohn and Henry A. Murray

In 2001, after meeting Vladimir Putin for the first time, George W. Bush offered his famous impression of the Russians personality:

I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy and we had a good dialogue. I was able to get a sense of his soul.

Bushs assessment of Putin as straightforward and trustworthy triggered various interpretations. Some took it at face value and were relieved that the two world leaders had hit it off. Others felt that Bush had been deceived by the ex-KGB man and were alarmed by his gullibility. Still others just dismissed it as the sort of polite statement politicians make to warm up their adversaries.

Years later Bush made clear he had meant what he said. When questioned directly by Hugh Hewitt during the 2010 book tour for his memoir, Decision Points, Bush explained it this way:

The reason why I said that is because I remembered him talking movingly about his mother and the cross she gave him that she had blessed in Jerusalem. Nobody knows that, and I never tried to make an explanation of why I said what I said until the book.

But Bush also saw a different side of Putin, which he revealed in a portrait he made after retiring from the presidency.contrast with his earlier assessment, the portrait does not depict Putin as being particularly trustworthy or straightforward. Instead the man Bush painted has been called pokerfaced and unreadable, scary and sinister, brimming with anger, contempt, and disgust.

How did Bush arrive at this darker view of the Russian leader? Was it based on his rethinking of Putins conduct on the world stage?

Although that would seem likely, the answer Bush gave was more personal: It had to do with Putins disdain for Bushs beloved dog Barney. On two occasions Putin had offended Bush by mocking Barneys weakness and small size and by comparing him unfavorably with his own dog, Koni. In response Bush apparently painted the face of Putin as the face of the man who had ridiculed his dear little friend. As Bush explained it in 2014 on the NBC Today Show:

Wow, anybody who thinks My dog is bigger than your dog is an interesting character. And the painting kind of reflects that.

The painting, of course, reflects more than an interesting character. The painting also reflects the difference between what Bush is comfortable expressing on canvas and what he is comfortable expressing in words.

George W. Bush is not alone. Many of us find it difficult to articulate our views of personalitiesnot only to others, but also to ourselves. Theres so much to consider, and its hard to convert what we know in our minds into a useful verbal picture.

Nevertheless, we can learn to do better. Making well-crafted portraits with words is just as teachable as making them with oils or pastels. In each case whats needed is good instruction and a dedicated student.

In the first edition of this book, I explained a step-by-step system for making better verbal portraits. It combined four ways of thinking about personalities based on decades of research by psychologists and psychiatrists. It showed how the information from these four perspectives could be put together into a rich and complex picture of each unique person.

Many readers found this helpful, but others had difficulty integrating the various parts. They wanted more practical assistance in applying it to the people in their lives. Put simply, they wanted more how to.

This new edition is designed with those people in mind. The only substantial change Ive made is to add a section, called Practical Summary, at the end of each chapter to discuss and illustrate applications. In these sections I also address misunderstandings and controversial points. The result Ive aimed for is not only more how to. Its also more heres why. At the end of the last chapter, I sum up the benefits of integrating information from all four perspectives into an overall portrait.

As a further aid to making the book more meaningful, I would like you to pick a significant person in your life (whom Ill call P) and keep him or her in mind as you go through the book. Repeatedly relating the material to this person may help you see what each perspective adds to the whole. To keep reminding you to do this, I will ask you to answer some relevant questions about P at the end of each Practical Summary.