Contents
Please note, this e-book contains some places that ask the reader to fill in questions or comments. Please keep pen and paper handy as you read this e-book so that you can complete the exercises within. This e-book also contains some exercises that point to corresponding audio tracks on Guided Meditations for Self-Compassion, a downloadable companion resource available to readers at http://www.selfcompassionworkbook.com/.
Just 14 days of self-compassion training can create significant and measurable changes in your brain, mind, and behavior. The practices contained in this workbook have been studied in rigorous, randomized, controlled trials (similar to the way a drug company tests a new medication), and scientists have concluded that as little as 30 minutes a day for 14 days is enough to create real and lasting change.
of this book is your preparation. It explains what self-compassion is, why its so important, and illustrates what it looks like in various situations. This conceptual understanding of self-compassion gets you ready to begin your practical training.
of this book is the programyour practical training in developing self-compassion. I suggest you set aside 30 minutes a day for 14 days for this purpose. At the end of that time, you will likely find that you feel more emotionally stable and comfortable with yourself. Youll find that joy comes more easily, and that your fears and anxieties pass more quickly. Once youve experienced the benefits of self-compassion training firsthand, you may decide to continue with your practice indefinitely.
If you cant manage 30 minutes a day, or if you cant commit to practicing every day for 14 days, just do whatever you can. Practicing for 5 minutes is much better than not practicing at all.
Each training session will be guided by the Map to Self-Compassion, which is explained in detail in . You begin each training session at the top of this map, and it will guide you to the most appropriate practice for you, depending on what youre feeling and how you respond to each exercise. The practice instructions for each exercise also point to corresponding audio tracks on Guided Meditations for Self-Compassion, a downloadable companion resource available to readers at http://www.selfcompassionworkbook.com/.
As youre going through a particular exercise, its perfectly normal for difficulties to arise. That is not a problem. Rather, thats the reason this workbook is organized the way it is. If you encounter any difficulty with a particular practice, jump to the end of that section and there will be specific guidance about what to do next.
We know that developing any new skill requires practice. If you want to play the piano, you have to invest some time and energy to learn. Just like a book on teaching yourself piano, this workbook requires actually practicing the exercises in for you to receive most of the benefit. The more you practice (and the more consistently), the more benefit youll receive. Practicing for 30 minutes a day for 14 days is a suggestion based on scientific research. However, if you cant commit 30 minutes, do what you can.
is all about applying self-compassion to every part of your life. It is there to inspire you to use these methods to find greater health, peace, and happiness, as well as to benefit others.
I hope you find this workbook to be helpful in your life. Different practices are useful to different people at different times, so if something you read here doesnt fit for you, just let it go and move on. You might find the next practice more helpful. By the same token, a practice that feels stressful one day might feel liberating a few days later. If you bring your willingness to experiment, you will almost certainly find ways of using these practices that benefit you.
The Self-Compassion Skills
WORKBOOK
SELF-COMPASSION IS JUST WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. IT MEANS BEING COMPASSIONATE toward yourself. It means celebrating and enjoying yourself when life is going well, as well as being kind and forgiving toward yourself when life is hard.
So much of our pain comes from criticizing ourselves and other people. We feel cut off from others, ashamed and alone. Maybe we can point to some specific terrible thing that happened to us, or maybe weve felt anxious and depressed for as long as we can remember. We might believe that life is supposed to be different than it is, or that we wont be lovable until we get rid of whatever we think is wrong with us.
On the other hand, its possible to feel loved, accepted, and appreciated for being exactly who we are. We can knowdeep down in our bonesthat we are fundamentally OKand even more than OK. Somewhere inside of us there is a wise voice that knows we are beautiful and unique human beings. We can learn to hear that voice and believe it.
This is exactly what I mean by self-compassion. Self-compassion is the recognition that no matter what is happening in our lives, we are lovable. When things are going well, self-compassion gives us the permission to feel joy. When were suffering or experiencing any kind of distress, self-compassion becomes a kind and supportive voice within that helps us find beauty and meaning.
Self-Compassion in My Life
I grew up in and around Boston with a single, alcoholic mother. We were always struggling financially and were even homeless for a summer when I was a teenager. By the time I got to college, I was carrying around a tremendous amount of anger, sadness, and loneliness.
It was in college that I was introduced to the practice of self-compassion, through the Vietnamese Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. I immediately recognized that it had been exactly what was missing from my life. As I immersed myself in these practices, I began to experience more peace, joy, and freedom than I had ever thought possible.
Self-compassion has completely transformed my life. From someone with an intense amount of suffering and self-destructiveness, I have become someone who today knows a lot of peace and enjoys a great deal of harmony and intimacy in my relationships.
But how does that work? Its not like self-compassion is a magic shield that protects us from bad things happening, or from ever having to feel sad. Self-compassion allows us to take good care of ourselves when we are faced with lifes inevitable difficulties. Anxiety, frustration, and loneliness will still arise, but self-compassion helps us not to get stuck in them. We can embrace our own suffering like a mother holding a newborn baby, and soon begin to feel better.
In my life Ive learned that true inner peace and freedom come from being able to love and accept myself regardless of whats going on. I knowfrom scientific research and from my own experiencethat no matter how much pain and negativity I might be carrying around in myself, it is possible to develop self-compassion. This workbook contains all the building blocks you need to begin.
I decided to become a therapist because I wanted to share what has been so helpful in my life with others, especially people experiencing emotional pain. I hope that you will benefit from these practices as much as I have .
Self-Compassion When Life Is Going Well and When It Feels Hard
The following exercises will help you to recognize the difference between self-compassion and other types of attitudes.
When life is going well... |