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Susan Piver - The Four Noble Truths of Love: Buddhist Wisdom for Modern Relationships

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Susan Piver The Four Noble Truths of Love: Buddhist Wisdom for Modern Relationships
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Praise for The Four Noble Truths of Love

Susan Piver brings together decades of wisdom and experience from both her Buddhist practice and her relationships. This book is direct, insightful and honest to its core. Using the lens of the Buddhas noble truths and the path of liberation, Susan presents a practical road map that can be accessed by anyone. I dont think a book quite like this has been written before. She is definitely a wise guide on what it truly means to love altogether and how compassion and insight can be mined from the ups and downs of everyday life and every connection. Susan presents the biggest view possible on what love can beits quite an invitation.

Josh Baran , author of The Tao of Now: Daily Wisdom from Mystics, Sages, Poets, and Saints

The Four Noble Truths of Love is like the book baby of the Buddha and Oprah Winfrey. It pulls no punches in the best of ways. Chock-full of relationship a-ha moments, it made me reflect not just on my marriage and how to keep deepening into it, but also on every loving relationship in my life. This wisdom may be thousands of years old, but Pivers ability to convey it with grace, humor, humility, and profound relevance to modern life is a true gift. Get it, read it, live it!

Jonathan Fields , founder of Good Life Project

Susan Piver consistently offers what so many of us seek: A generous, caring, loving teacher, someone with an open heart and a clear mind, eager to help us find our own way forward.

Seth Godin , author of Linchpin

If youve ever felt that secret shame of not loving well or not managing to embody that perfect detached modern-day Buddha you know youre supposed to be, this is not only your book, it is your salvation. Susans message, voice, and real world guidance show you the way out of the illusions and traps of relationship and into a level of freedom that is at once both profound and practical.

Christine Kane , founder and CEO of Uplevel You

One of the most exquisitely wiseand comfortingrelationship books Ive ever read. The Four Noble Truths of Love is a lighthouse for the beautiful, murky mess of intimacy; one of those keepers that you wear out and gift to every friend and say, This will help. This book has permanent residency on my bedside table so I can keep coming back for Susans compassionate reminders: that we are inherently good and our capacity to love is indestructible.

Danielle LaPorte , author of The Desire Map and White Hot Truth

Susan Piver does far more than tell us how the Four Noble Truths apply to love, she lives that application with great depth and honesty, and lets us come along for the ride. Give your heartand your capacity to do the toughest spiritual work of all, be in relationshipa gorgeous boost with this brilliant guide.

Jennifer Louden , author of The Womans Comfort Book and The Life Organizer

With insight, humor, and warmth, Susan Pivers new book shows us how traditional Buddhist wisdom can help us connect more deeply with those we love.

Sakyong Mipham , author of The Lost Art of Good Conversation

Susan has combined three threads to give us a beautiful tapestry of spiritually conscious love: We find a clear and in-depth view of Buddhism. We see how it offers a path to intimate love. Susan uses her own relationship as an example of how it all comes together. This is a stand-out book for enriching love and closeness along the spiritual path.

David Richo , author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

This is the only book you need for your romantic relationshipits just that good. Honest, wise, and raw, Susan will show you the four truths you need to actually make your relationship last.

Lodro Rinzler , author of Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken

Clear and heart-warming, this book is a guide to living relationships completely, with all their pleasures and other-wise. Susan Piver brought the four noble truths to life in her own marriage, and here shares the fullness of that experience. A wonderful read.

Sharon Salzberg , author of Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection

The Four Noble Truths of Love

2018 The Open Heart Project Susan Piver All rights reserved No part of this - photo 1

2018 The Open Heart Project / Susan Piver

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations, embodied in reviews and articles.

Lionheart Press, Somerville, MA , USA
susanpiver.com/open-heart-project

ISBN 978-1-7322776-0-1 (paperback)
ISBN 978-1-7322776-1-8 (ebook)

Permission to reprint a lyric from Rain Just Falls kindly granted by its author, David Halley.

Some of this material first appeared in articles written for Lions Roar magazine. The author thanks them for their kind permission to reprint.

www.lionsroar.com

Every reasonable effort has been made to contact the copyright holders for work reproduced in this book.

Produced in consultation with Page Two
www.pagetwostrategies.com
Cover and interior design by Taysia Louie
Cover illustration courtesy iStock
Ebook by Bright Wing Books (brightwing.ca)

18 19 20 21 22 5 4 3 2 1

Also by Susan Piver

How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life

The Wisdom of a Broken Heart

Start Here Now: An Open-Hearted Guide to the Path and Practice of Meditation

For Duncan, who taught me how to stay, and
for the Open Heart Project: I wrote this for you.

Contents

Landmarks

The only true elegance is vulnerability.

Chgyam Trungpa

Introduction

How I Discovered the
Four Noble Truths of Love

S ome time ago, my husband, Duncan, and I were locked in a state of ongoing disagreement. This disagreement had no center, theme, object, or subject. It was more like a demonic presence. Whatever we discussed gave rise to conflict, whether it was about what time to leave for the movies, if the dishes in the dishwasher were clean or dirty, which bank to use, or if we belonged together as a couple. Once we even argued about what time it was. Even a question as simple as Where do you want to eat dinner? could provoke talk of divorce.

(True story: When I posed this question one night, we were driving on a country road and, for some reason, we exploded at each other. I made him pull over and let me out of the ca r... in France. I had no idea where we were. I didnt careI just wanted out. I walked into a field until I got scared and went back to the car, arms folded.)

When we were to go somewhere, we disagreed about what we would do once we arrived. When someone said something to us, we disagreed about what it meant. When we attempted to discuss our relationship woes, we disagreed about how to do so, where to lay blame, and how to resolve them. This went on not for days or weeks, but for months. We tried many solutions: talking, not talking, making love, avoiding each other, yelling, ignoring, and, finally, at least for me, just sobbing. Nothing worked. Every interaction ended with anger, hurt feelings, or numbness. I felt so lonely, and I am sure he did too. What was going on? There was nothing to argue about, yet everything provoked conflict. It was dreadful, terrifying. We were afraid to go near each other.

I was ready to admit defeat. I thought, I have no idea where to begin fixing this

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