Jason B Fischer - The Two Truths about Love: The Art and Wisdom of Extraordinary Relationships

Jason Fischer has an extra-ordinary thesis that to have an extra-ordinary relationship you have to know and apply the two truths about love, which are give permission and take responsibility. This is elegant and simple, and from my perspective and experience, true. I highly recommend The Two Truths About Love to everyone, therapists and couples.

Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want

Simple yet not simplistic, the teachings in this book are wise and trustworthy riverbanks for the flow of intimate relationships.

Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge

To make something complicated is easy. To make it simple is much harder. And to be truly clear about what makes relationships extraordinary is elegant. This is what Jason Fischer and Sabrina Kindell have done in unfolding the two truths about relationships. In simple and accessible language, drawn from the lives of struggling couples, and supported by years of experience, both in the consulting room and on the meditation cushion, they have carefully offered the heart of the Buddhas wisdom woven intimately with insights from contemporary psychotherapy. The truths may look simple, but they clearly point to the fact that our relationships are, in fact, profound and enduring spiritual practices.

Flint Sparks, PhD, psychologist and Zen priest, and resident teacher at Appamada, a center for Zen Practice and inquiry in Austin, TX

The significance of relationships is present from the beginning of life, and continues to be a vital element in a lifetime of growth and development. This book makes a special contribution by defining the extraordinary relationship and pointing out some key elements in its development. Im especially grateful to Jason Fischer and Sabrina Kindell for the clarity with which they lead us through the development of extraordinary relationships.

LaNelle Brigance Ford, PsyD, author of Overcoming Depression

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2012 by Jason B. Fischer New Harbinger Publications, Inc. 5674 Shattuck Avenue Oakland, CA 94609 www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Amy Shoup

Text design by Michele Waters-Kermes

Acquired by Melissa Kirk

Edited by Jasmine Star

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Fischer, Jason B.

The Two Truths about Love : The Art and Wisdom of Extraordinary Relationships / Jason B. Fischer, MA, LPC, and Sabrina Kindell, LPC-S, LMFT-S.

pages cm

ISBN 978-1-60882-516-5 (pbk. : alk. paper) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-517-2 (PDF e-book) (print) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-518-9 (ePub) (print) 1. Love. 2. Interpersonal relations. I. Kindell, Sabrina. II. Title.

BF575.L8F57 2013

158.2--dc23

2012029443

To Sunny and Xavier, the loves of my life

Enlightenment is intimacy with all things.

Zen master Dogen

Contents

Acknowledgments

A book, in many ways, is like a child. And, just as it takes a village to raise a child, so too does it take a village to raise an idea into a book. I am indebted to the many members of my village who contributed to raising this child.

Melissa Kirk I thank first for adopting this orphan book upon a single glance. I also thank the many folks at New Harbinger Publications who, working beside her, each had a hand in nurturing this child to adulthood, as well as Jasmine Star, editor extraordinaire. Peter Steinberg I thank for seeing the worth in this project and grabbing his bullhorn to tell others about it. Jinsoo Kim and Dorian Lucas I thank for being exactly as they are and for showing me the true nature of extraordinary friendship. I thank my family for a lifetime of ceaseless love, support, and influence, and, of course, I thank my wife for patiently and permissively walking the many steps of this journey with me.

Without Sabrina Kindells assistance, unwavering compassion, mindful wisdom, and the inspiration our collaboration provided, I would have remained unable to convey my ideas nearly as comprehensibly. I thank her for the second wind she gave me in the eleventh hour of completing this book and look forward to working together for many years to come.

Special thanks go to Cindy Valero for her dedication and countless sacrifices in running Plumeria Counseling Center, as well as to my fellow therapists for sharing a vision and growing with me. To the many mentors who have shaped and inspired me along the way, I offer my inexhaustible gratitudespecifically Federico Mora, Jonathan Best, Phil Wagoner, Peter Mark, Ann-Ping Chin, Bong Dal Kim, Bill Woodburn, Vagdevi Meunier, Gregg Unterberger, Bill Bruzy, and, yes, Sabrina.

Among my many instructors, above all I thank my clients, each and every one. Indeed, no one has shaped my abilities as a therapist and my philosophies about psychology and the human experience more than my clients. I owe my clients everything. And as often as I receive expressions of gratitude from those I am lucky enough to work with, the far greater gratitude is mine toward them. Those I teach are my teachers. I thank them all for the clarity they have bestowed upon me. What I know now I learned from them. This book could not exist without the many individuals and couples who have shared their hearts, minds, and time with me. Because of them, I am able to dedicate my life to passing along the lessons theyve taught me.

Jason B. Fischer, MA, LPC

Sometimes an adventure comes along that cannot be missed. Helping bring this book to life has been one such amazing journey. I want to offer a wholehearted thank-you to Jason Fischer, who entrusted me with his innovative concepts and keen understanding of what makes relationships work. When I started reading his manuscript, I had a hard time putting it down, which, truth be told, is uncommon for me after being in the field of relationship transformation and wellness for two decades. When I voiced my enthusiasm and feedback to Jason, he offered me the opportunity to assist him with the final push in crafting this book. Together, we spent many lively hours honing the core ideas into their current form. Jasons openness, authenticity, wisdom, compassion, and zest for living made it a joy to contribute to this worthwhile endeavor. His heart and soul are threaded throughout its pages, and I am grateful to have played a role, placing my spirit in the background and cheering him on.

I also want to acknowledge and thank my loving and supportive husband of twenty-five years, Brian, who from behind the scenes helped keep my spirits up and my heart ever full. I also extend a loving hug and big thanks to my children: my daughter, Brianna, who designed the graphics for this book, and whose kindness, creativity, skill, and brilliance fill me with delight; and my son, Alex, for his deep and loving understanding on those many afternoons when he came home from school to find me in front of the computer, where I sometimes remained late into the night. I extend a special and loving thanks to my father, Bob, and to my mother, River Cecilia, for being her beautiful self and listening with such love, pride, and presence to my joy about being a part of this project.