Kandell - unHIDDEN: a book for men and those confused by them

unHIDDEN

A Book for Men

And Those Confused by Them

ROBERT

KANDELL

What the Advance Readers Are Saying

Raw, real, and sobering, Robert Kandell delivers a much-needed guidebook for men stuck in turmoil. You've been conditioned to operate on a set of deep unconscious rules and assumptions that no longer work in real life, leaving you depressed and confused. This book is the answer. ~ Amanda Steinberg, founder of DailyWorth

In unHIDDEN, Robert essentially says everything there is to say about communication for men (and the women who love them): how relationships sour when we mess them up, and what to do instead. If you suspect you have communication problems (and don't we all?), this book has the answers you need. ~ Bryan Reeves, author of Tell The Truth, Let The Peace Fall Where It May and Podcast Host of Men, This Way ...

Most of us are aware that the old rules of man-woman relating no longer apply, but we long for a coherent, trustworthy voice to teach us the new rules. That voice, as it turns out, belongs to Robert Kandell. In this precise, funny, and groundbreakingly real guide, Kandell walks men (and those confused by them) through the historical origins of our current gender crisis toward an inspiring future where freedom and abundance replace competition and scarcity. Chock full of stories from his own life and the lives of his clientsand complete with practical, step-by-step advice unHidden teaches men to not only survive, but truly thrive in our new world order. Spoiler alert: The secret lies in the willingness to become more and more vulnerable, real, and unashamed. In other words, unHidden . Men everywhere are ready for this upgrade, and now, thanks to Rob, they have the guidebook they need to get the job done. ~ Kelly Notaras, author of The Book You Were Born to Write

Attention all men! Roberts book is far greater than more of the same commiserating about current day ills or feel good ideas that go nowhere. Its a deep wake up call to realize our full spectrum of consciousness and to find and live from our unapologetic center. Robert candidly shares powerful and usable wisdom hes gained from going down the hidden doors of sex, power, and money. unHIDDEN reveals direct practices and a way of life that will surely be of great benefit to every man wanting to discover and live a path thats integral, joy-filled, and wise

Dont just read it ... devour it and celebrate how you will expand. ~ Satyen Raja, founder of WarriorSage Trainings

unHIDDEN is a book that will challenge and redefine what you think it means to be a man in todays world. It takes readers on a powerful journey of self discovery to unearth the deepest part of themselves so they can understand what keeps them from being their best. This is an incredibly well crafted resource for men and those confused by them. A must read in this current climate! ~ Connor Beaton, founder of ManTalks

unHIDDEN is a provocative and powerful guide for navigating the roles, stereotypes, assumptions, and masks we wear in relationship. Roberts story, exercises, and practices are potent portals to uncovering what hides within, and the unbridled communication and deeper intimate connection were all longing for. ~ Nancy Levin, author of The New Relationship Blueprint

There is no greater gift for our world than for men to be in their benevolent, awakened power. unHIDDEN is a book that shows men how to confront their addiction to mediocrity and to cultivate the best version of themselves. This is a book written by a man brought to his knees by his own Hero's Journey who has brought back the medicine to share with ALL of us in the form of this powerful book. Brilliantly written with Rob's signature style of wit, heroic heart, and tough-love wisdom, this book weaves together story, practices, and most importantly, the encouragement and incentive to begin living a bold life of freedom by learning to live a life unHIDDEN . ~ Gillian Pothier, archetypal mentor, feminine eros

unHidden is an unflinching look at what it takes to find your way as a man in today's worldwithout offering easy answers or indulging in the polarizing politics of resentment that's become so disturbingly common. With clarity and vulnerability, Rob Kandell combines his personal story, insights from his many years as a coach, and scientific findings into a practical and exceptionally readable guide. Don't miss it! ~ Bob Gower, strategist, experience designer, and author of Getting to Hell Yes

Copyright 2018 by Kandell Consulting LLC

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Ordering Information for Quantity Sales. Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the address below.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing, 2018

ISBN 1-7278128-3-2

Kandell Consulting LLC

Suite 208

20969 Ventura Blvd

Woodland Hills, CA 91364

https://robertkandell.com/

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Morgan Mellas Kandell.

While it is my name on the cover, I must give credit where credit is due.

This is our co-creation.

I know who I was before I met you.

I know this book would have been a diluted version of itself without your contribution.

I bow deeply to your brilliance, insight, power, and knowledge.

You are my best friend, teacher, lover, and partner Ive ever known.

This book is dedicated to you with my deep, humble gratitude.

INTRODUCTION

MY WAKE-UP CALL

10:30 a.m. on March 20, 1999, was the worst moment of my life.

Three weeks prior, Carol, my wife of three years, had called me and asked, somewhat shyly, if I wanted to take a class with her around our sex life. Covering the phone to avoid alerting my corporate America office suite mates to the nature of the conversation, I whispered, Sex ? Uh, what do you mean?

She relayed that she had been talking to a teacher at her massage school.

Apparently, this was the something. She was now asking her rather prudish and shy husband if he wanted to pay for a class about our sex life. I didnt hesitate. When a healthy 28-year-old male is not having sex with his lovely but confusing wife and she offers to take a class on the topic, the answer is pretty obvious. I squeaked, Y-y-yes! Id love to, and quickly got off the phone. Hanging up, I wondered exactly what I had just said yes to. If that naive man had a clue of what he had just set into motion, he might have not been so quick to answer.

As a self-professed nice guy, born Jewish from the suburbs of 1970s New York, I had been well trained by my parents on exactly how I was supposed to live my life. It could be mapped out like this:

You might notice there is no mention of taking a sex class with his wife.

On the surface, I was doing pretty well. I believed I was happily married, I had a corporate job, and I had recently received the keys to a five-bedroom house in San Francisco. I was quickly climbing the ladder, rarely fought with my bride, was in good shape, and enjoyed mountain biking with my yuppie friends in Marin. I was successfully following the path laid out for me and had the approval of my parents who lived nearby and visited frequently. Our new house was perfect for producing progeny, allowing my parents to enjoy being grandparents again. I felt the underlying pressure to produce male heirs to continue my family name. I described myself as a happy and content man.